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OMG LOL 
you got me wincing now though
i'm really interested in what you did to the cat afterwards
.
you got me wincing now though
i'm really interested in what you did to the cat afterwards
.Calling in Sick
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that is really funny 
best chuckle ive had all day, 5 stars
best chuckle ive had all day, 5 starsThat is funny, along with painful..
I used to work in a factory, working on a line with Car Petrol Engines.
It had a roller driven belt, that someone had left his hammer on. Well there was me, working away when a crane above "Dropped an entire engine" It wasn't very high, but enough to cause parts to break off and fly into the air.. Mostly plastic parts.
It wasn't the engine parts that hit me, as everyone was ducking for cover..
One engine part hit the belt, and the bits from this flew everywhere.. One onto the hammer.
It was the "Hammer"... It got flung into a sideways throw, and --
"Hit me straight in the Crown Jewels"... I did actually pass out, and was out for a good few minutes before I came round.. All I saw after that was me, flat up on my back, with the duty nurse tyring not to laugh, with a cold ice pack on my newly enlarged man hood...
I wasn't right for weeks...
Amazing.. Hundreds of engine parts flying, and the one thing that hits me, is the hammer..!!
I used to work in a factory, working on a line with Car Petrol Engines.
It had a roller driven belt, that someone had left his hammer on. Well there was me, working away when a crane above "Dropped an entire engine" It wasn't very high, but enough to cause parts to break off and fly into the air.. Mostly plastic parts.
It wasn't the engine parts that hit me, as everyone was ducking for cover..
One engine part hit the belt, and the bits from this flew everywhere.. One onto the hammer.
It was the "Hammer"... It got flung into a sideways throw, and --
"Hit me straight in the Crown Jewels"... I did actually pass out, and was out for a good few minutes before I came round.. All I saw after that was me, flat up on my back, with the duty nurse tyring not to laugh, with a cold ice pack on my newly enlarged man hood...
I wasn't right for weeks...
Amazing.. Hundreds of engine parts flying, and the one thing that hits me, is the hammer..!!
Soldato
heck, that must have hurt a lot!!!
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Now that is the sort of storytelling quality I have only been able to find over at the Something Awful forums of late.
Thanks for the laugh, and have a 5.
Thanks for the laugh, and have a 5.
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G
Guest
OMG ROFL
Superb story, but it has been doing the rounds for a couple of years (this is NOT a 'Welcome to last week'-type comment .... it STILL got a damned good laugh out of me 'cos I'd forgotten about it
)...... and I'd also point out that Blue's name isn't "Ed", so I doubt he could answer that
Soldato
This actually happened. I know, because I went to see him in hospital. Fortunately he was not that badly hurt but he was the proud owner of quite a few stitches
A friend of my brother's who we shall call Liam (which is in fact his real name) was asleep in bed with his wifey on a dark night. He was awoken by a gentle shake from the missus and the immortal words "I can hear a noise outside, maybe we've got burglars", along with the clutching of the duvet to hide the busty parts (why do they do that. We've seen 'em before haven't we?). Anyway, I digress. An important point to note is that they both sleep in the nude.
To please the wife, and hopefully to be able to relapse into the gentle arms of morpheus quickly, as he was on shifts, he got up and padded downstairs to have a look through the lounge window into his garden where the security light was on. He leaned against the armchair that was in front of the dormer window in order to get a clear view of his front garden.
Perhaps we really HAVE got burglars he thought to himself as he leaned further forward on the chair.
They are the owners of a beautiful Golden Retriever called Bonnie. She is old and quite deaf although healthy and daft as a brush.
Unbeknownst to Liam, she had quietly awoken and come to see what her master was doing in the lounge. As Liam leant forward, she stuck her cold wet nose into the crack of his arse. The inevitable happened.
His wife ran downstairs having heard a scream, to see Bonnie standing on the armchair looking out of a smashed window, and her husband Liam writhing about completely naked, groaning and bleeding in a heap amongst broken glass on their front lawn.
Tha ambulance men had a damn good laugh about it
A friend of my brother's who we shall call Liam (which is in fact his real name
) was asleep in bed with his wifey on a dark night. He was awoken by a gentle shake from the missus and the immortal words "I can hear a noise outside, maybe we've got burglars", along with the clutching of the duvet to hide the busty parts (why do they do that. We've seen 'em before haven't we?). Anyway, I digress. An important point to note is that they both sleep in the nude.To please the wife, and hopefully to be able to relapse into the gentle arms of morpheus quickly, as he was on shifts, he got up and padded downstairs to have a look through the lounge window into his garden where the security light was on. He leaned against the armchair that was in front of the dormer window in order to get a clear view of his front garden.
Perhaps we really HAVE got burglars he thought to himself as he leaned further forward on the chair.
They are the owners of a beautiful Golden Retriever called Bonnie. She is old and quite deaf although healthy and daft as a brush.
Unbeknownst to Liam, she had quietly awoken and come to see what her master was doing in the lounge. As Liam leant forward, she stuck her cold wet nose into the crack of his arse. The inevitable happened.
His wife ran downstairs having heard a scream, to see Bonnie standing on the armchair looking out of a smashed window, and her husband Liam writhing about completely naked, groaning and bleeding in a heap amongst broken glass on their front lawn.
Tha ambulance men had a damn good laugh about it
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Hehehe, that made me laugh. Sorry about that
My best mates dad is a paramedic and he has some fantastic stories about his work - and I guarenttee(sp?), just to make you feel better - those paramedics that saw you told all their friends and family all about it!!
One story that I have been told goes as follows....
He was called out to a old lady (about 70) in distress, with no other information. When he arrived a the old birds house, she was sitting in her chair wearing just a dressing gown. After a bit of pushing she finally revealed that she had 'slipped' while 'taking a show' and landed on a shampoo bottle. The bottle had gone 'inside' her. Upon removal she realised the lid was still inside her and she couldn't get it. Obviously my mates dad was not about to have a go getting it out - so he took her to hospital. As a doctor was about to take a look, she also revealed there might be a bit of rubber glove attached to it as well!!! He and the doctor excused themselves from her and burst into laughter just outside!
Wet myself when he told me that one. Of course I can't tell it as well as he did. He has plenty more like that one. You simply wouldn't believe the things people call the ambulance for. The worst thing he ever got called out for was some old biddy wanted him to feed her cat!! She had run out of cans of food and wanted him to go get some!! Thats where our taxes go ladies and gentlemen.
My best mates dad is a paramedic and he has some fantastic stories about his work - and I guarenttee(sp?), just to make you feel better - those paramedics that saw you told all their friends and family all about it!!
One story that I have been told goes as follows....
He was called out to a old lady (about 70) in distress, with no other information. When he arrived a the old birds house, she was sitting in her chair wearing just a dressing gown. After a bit of pushing she finally revealed that she had 'slipped' while 'taking a show' and landed on a shampoo bottle. The bottle had gone 'inside' her. Upon removal she realised the lid was still inside her and she couldn't get it. Obviously my mates dad was not about to have a go getting it out - so he took her to hospital. As a doctor was about to take a look, she also revealed there might be a bit of rubber glove attached to it as well!!! He and the doctor excused themselves from her and burst into laughter just outside!
Wet myself when he told me that one. Of course I can't tell it as well as he did. He has plenty more like that one. You simply wouldn't believe the things people call the ambulance for. The worst thing he ever got called out for was some old biddy wanted him to feed her cat!! She had run out of cans of food and wanted him to go get some!! Thats where our taxes go ladies and gentlemen.
Soldato
Short one here, I'd just come back from evening mass a loooong time ago, I mist have been about 13 or so. Well, at the ripe old age of 19 I am now 6'4, so at 13 I would have been at least FAIRLY tall. Anyways, get into our drive and my sister an I start playing and ooooo, I see's meself a rat! Since I had never seen one in the flesh before, I wanted to partake in fun and games with it, the one at the top of my list being Catch the Stick....
So there am I lobbing small branches at the critter running off, wheee, wheee, wheeee, wheeeaaa...? (as it turned around)...aaaaAAAAA (as it got to a fair speed running direct towards me). So I did what any other person would do. Stand absolutely still. Deer in headlights, eh? I had my legs slightly apart, so upon making it to the spot just in between my legs, it jumped. It JUMPED! I didn't even KNOW the little blighters could do that. Missed my tackle by a few cm (probably the aspect which strikes me the most) and then legged it, leaving me to go empty my pants.
Have been kind to them ever since.
So there am I lobbing small branches at the critter running off, wheee, wheee, wheeee, wheeeaaa...? (as it turned around)...aaaaAAAAA (as it got to a fair speed running direct towards me). So I did what any other person would do. Stand absolutely still. Deer in headlights, eh? I had my legs slightly apart, so upon making it to the spot just in between my legs, it jumped. It JUMPED! I didn't even KNOW the little blighters could do that. Missed my tackle by a few cm (probably the aspect which strikes me the most) and then legged it, leaving me to go empty my pants.
Have been kind to them ever since.
lol at mad rat and el gringo, both v funny
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This is the funniest thread I have read in a long time!
I have a friend who is a junior doctor, and he recently clerked someone with a ahem...large vibrating object in their rear canal, that they had pushed in a little too far...
My friend said that the greatest relief for this man was when he was able to speak clearly once my doctor mate had turned the thing off...
I have a friend who is a junior doctor, and he recently clerked someone with a ahem...large vibrating object in their rear canal, that they had pushed in a little too far...
My friend said that the greatest relief for this man was when he was able to speak clearly once my doctor mate had turned the thing off...
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Originally posted by taliesyn
This actually happened. I know, because I went to see him in hospital. Fortunately he was not that badly hurt but he was the proud owner of quite a few stitches
A friend of my brother's who we shall call Liam (which is in fact his real name
To please the wife, and hopefully to be able to relapse into the gentle arms of morpheus quickly, as he was on shifts, he got up and padded downstairs to have a look through the lounge window into his garden where the security light was on. He leaned against the armchair that was in front of the dormer window in order to get a clear view of his front garden.
Perhaps we really HAVE got burglars he thought to himself as he leaned further forward on the chair.
They are the owners of a beautiful Golden Retriever called Bonnie. She is old and quite deaf although healthy and daft as a brush.
Unbeknownst to Liam, she had quietly awoken and come to see what her master was doing in the lounge. As Liam leant forward, she stuck her cold wet nose into the crack of his arse. The inevitable happened.
His wife ran downstairs having heard a scream, to see Bonnie standing on the armchair looking out of a smashed window, and her husband Liam writhing about completely naked, groaning and bleeding in a heap amongst broken glass on their front lawn.
Tha ambulance men had a damn good laugh about it
Oh my god - Liam Bonney?? Jesus thats funny.. shall have to remind him next time i see him... Hehehehehehehe
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