Cheating

[Zefan]

why is that not sensible? how do you know for example your girlfriend wasn't banged by half of the Scunthorpe United squad while you were away and she didn't tell you.

Really isn't a nice thing to say, although I see your point.

 

[RiPz]

most-painful-thing-ever..

my mum cheated on my dad about 3 years ago, they tried to keep it together (badly) for about 12 months and it tore the one thing i thought was 'constant' in my life apart, family hasnt ever been the same, never will be.

dont do it, hurts too many people.

 

[qwerty]

If you are unable to dismiss it and forget about it, you feel it has made you question your commitment and your relationship with her, or there is a chance of her finding out then you should tell her.

Otherwise just forget it ever happened, if it isn't affecting you or your relationship, and she won't ever find out then what's the point in causing unnecessary grief.

That's what I'm thinking at the moment. There is only 1 possible way she could ever ever find out. Do you want me to explain?

I was out with a guy friend (call him Joe), the girl (call her Jemima - I made both names up), and her friends. Joe was trying it on all night with Jemima, and had been since Monday, but he was getting nowhere and it was obvious he never would but she was playing with him. A lot of drinks later she started coming on to me and tried to kiss me. I told her I couldn't because it would betray Joe. She 'reassured' me that she had got her (girl) friend to 'keep him happy' so he would stop bothering her so she could have me.

This is all pieced together from vague drunken memories so I'm not sure of the accuracy.

Anyway, I ended up kissing her as I was in that 'don't know where I am, anything seems like a good idea' state. Joe saw us and txted me saying something about betrayal. I think he then told me well done, he wasnt getting anywhere anyway. So somehow I ended back at her place. I txted Joe the next morning saying I was sorry but he just txted back saying 'it's fine, what did you get up to', I replied, he said 'jokes'.

Now the bit about my gf finding out. She's been wanting to meet my friends (which includes Joe) for ages now and we had planned to go out with them next week. He's been really nice to me since and I'm just wondering whether he's setting me up for a fall and he's going to tell my gf when we go out. He's screwed me over before when drunk. So it all depends on how much I trust him and if it does happen, whether I can convince my gf that he's just a prat and she needs to trust me (when I'm lying ).

And just to complicate things the girl I cheated with has told her whole family, and thinks I am planning to be her full time bf so I have to 'break up' with her. She invited me on a 'mission' tomorrow maybe I'll tell her then.

Sorry about the length of all that but it really helps to get it off my chest. Even though it's at no-one in particular.

At least now I know for sure that Swedish girls have a thing for me

 

[Zip]

why is that not sensible? how do you know for example your girlfriend wasn't banged by half of the Scunthorpe United squad while you were away and she didn't tell you.

I think the word you should look up is TRUST

Relationships are built up around trust. If there is none there then your relationship isnt going to be very good or go very far.

He broke her trust so he MUST tell her.
Who knows, she might even forgive him

 

[Rich_L]

At least now I know for sure that Swedish girls have a thing for me

Every cloud etc

Basically, you're the one that's gonna be living with it either way so you gotta decide. The whole concept of owning up is to make you feel better, not her, because you can dismiss all those clichéd feelings of guilt or unease and feel happy with yourself because you did the 'right thing', and also not have to worry about her finding out later meaning one less thing nagging on your mind.

If, on the other hand, you can dismiss those feelings anyway and consider it a lesson learnt then you don't need to tell her, because you feel better anyway, life goes on and everyone's fine.

Thus leaving the problem of her finding out from a third party, which is a whole different matter. Deny everything and she'll always have a suspicion, unless she can dismiss those clichéd feelings of distrust.

Meaning, to summarise, sort out your head to work out whether you can live with it and learn, then sort out what the situation about whether she might find out, then decide what to do.

 

[Insanity]

Anybody who cheats should be shot squarely between the eyes, and then decapitated just to be sure.

Thats my opinion on the matter.

 

[agw_01]

Anybody who cheats should be shot squarely between the eyes, and then decapitated just to be sure.

Thats my opinion on the matter.

While I agree that cheating is disgusting and morally wrong, I think shooting someone in the forehead for kissing another girl is a bit harsh.

 

[Zefan]

While I agree that cheating is disgusting and morally wrong, I think shooting someone in the forehead for kissing another girl is a bit harsh.

He shagged her tbh

 

[Insanity]

My comment wasnt to be taken literally, just my own thoughts on the matter.

EDIT:

He shagged her tbh

Scrap that, off with his head.

 

[Zip]

While I agree that cheating is disgusting and morally wrong, I think shooting someone in the forehead for kissing another girl is a bit harsh.

How about cutting off his meat and 2 veg?
That why he can never cheat again and every time he looks down he will know he did wrong

 

[agw_01]

He shagged her tbh

Ahhh.

I would comment, but I've done the same Only once, and it was the situation I stated in my post at the start of the thread.

Although, the relationship did end a week later... to which I'm glad.

 

[MarkyMark]

I told her I couldn't because it would betray Joe.

Am I the only one thinking..............you couldn't because it would betray your gf

The way I see it you've done the dirty work. Regardless of whether she could find out or not, if you are honest (not many people are these days ) you would take the risk of being newly single and own up to what you did. Its better to hear it from you than from other people like so many in here have already said.

As far as cheating goes I don't think there is any excuse for it in my opinion. I don't give a monkies whether its because you were drunk, didnt think the relationship was going anywhere or you were simply falling for someone else. Just be honest. You want to sleep with someone else then fine, its not a crime. But have the decency to break it off with her first and be honest about why you are doing it. She at least deserve's that surely. Otherwise you just leave a lot of unanswered questions and its not fair on the partner that you apparently love/loved. The truth will then come out eventually and people will see your true colours. At the end of the day treat people how you want to be treated. If the situations were reversed, wouldn't you want to know if she had been behind your back? So how can you ever expect her to tell you the truth when you can't do the same for her?

And i'm not meaning to pick at ya either Its all just my opinion and how I feel on the subject. But if you want to make the regret go away, then own up to it and take the risk. At least do the right thing for your gf's feelings and emotions. If you care'd two hoots about her you wouldn't even hesitate to be honest. And again not meaning to point the finger or anything but its your selfish instincts that are stopping you from being honest. You are sat there thinking what if she dumps me? What if I look bad in front of her and others? So you decide to lie. But what about if she forgives and forgets. Wouldn't you be happier in the long run knowing that you hadn't kept it from her. You say yourself that your "friend" has dropped you in it in the past. So why take the risk. If she finds out from someone else other than you then its surely over if she has any common sense. But if you own up to it and are honest she may actually forgive you. I can't promise it though so don't hold it against me

Just be the bigger man and admist to it Good luck with whatever you decide to do though as its all down to you, nobody else.

 

[Deleted member 651465]

Should give her "one for the road"

 

[^TANK^]

Anybody who cheats should be shot squarely between the eyes, and then decapitated just to be sure.

Thats my opinion on the matter.

 

[aphex]

You're ****** either way cos your gf will eventually find out so might as well pack your bags before she gets the knife out on you

 

[Chris [BEANS]]

I feel a huge rambling post from me on this one is due, off to work in a minute.
Baisically my rant will say that what's done is done, you now have the risk of her finding out and it'll eat at you because you'll feel guilty, but trust in chris, that feeling is a million times better than the one you get when you tell her and she bins you.
Honesty is NOT the best policy.

Damn, looks like i'm getting into this now and i really have to go.............

Long story short, i had a perfect relationship, it was amazing, we were engaged, her family took me in as one of their own entirely, she took my daughter on as her ow, every part of our relationship was superb. Then i got a new job, she finished uni and got a job and things between us went from awsome to terrible in about two months flat.

I started staying at my dads instead of living with her etc, etc, etc and eventually we split up

I was a mess, there was a girl at work who was very, very nice to me and one lunch in the pub i kissed her.
That fling only lasted a week before i realised that i was a total mess and a new relationship was a very bad idea.
Another week passed and me and the ex were both regretting the split, we got together, talked and decided to give it another bash.

Here's the bit that's ruined my life...................

I say, "it's great that we're getting back together, i love you and i want our relationship to be all that it was (insert blah, blah, blah)....... so i want to be honest with you. During our couple of weeks apart i kissed someone else".

She could never come to terms with this, we got together, fought, and again split up. I told her that i wanted it to work but i wasnt sure if it could, if she'd try then i'd try, otherwise we should leave it. She tells me "It can't work anymore, i want someone else"!!

After a couple more weeks of being split up and me being a drunken mess and having sleepless nights thiking that she was in bed with someone else i ended up sleeping with the girl i had kissed before. I call the ex the next day in the biggest state so far and tell her i know she's been with someone else, well now so have i but it's made me realise how much i love her and will work at it. She says she loves and misses me too, she wanted to try again but she hasn't been with anyone else because she just couldn't do it. She doesn't understand how i could and we could never be together now.

Now i'm skint, lonely and still very, very much in love with her. She's minted, surrounded by people who love her including a rich new boyfriend and i do know that she still loves me but simply because of the fantastic relationship that we shared for four years, not because she wants me anymore.


The point to all of that is not "Ahhhhh, poor Chris" (although reding it back it does sound that way ) the point is, each time i ruined my chance at genuine happyness by being honest.

If you don't tell she MIGHT find out, if you do tell she will KNOW. It's done, it doesn't make what you did any better by telling her, live with it yourself because she might not be able too.

Chris

 

[TinkerBell]

Should you tell the people involved, or try to keep it secret forever?


Yes you should tell the person you cheated on.


If people get suspicious should you come clean or go deeper with the lies?

You shouldnt allow it to get to that stage.


Is it ever justifiable?


No there is no need to cheat on someone. If you dont care for them enough to be faithful then you should end it with the person then do what you want with other people tbh.


How do I stop thinking about it and how bad a person I am?


I think everyone who cheats isnt very nice, but if you feel bad about it then your not all bad.

 

[Sic]

to be honest, you obviously don't have the feelings for her that you thought you did. there's no way you could do that to her if you were really serious about her. not saying you were intending malice, but i don't reckon you'd be able to go through with it, regardless of alcohol consumption.

there's no way you're going to get away with this, dude. it'll hang over your head forever, and you'll always be paranoid that everyone who knows is going to tell her. you should just get it out in the open and let her decide what's going to happen about it.

this is one of the reasons i don't drink stupid vast quanitites when i go out. i tend to lose self control when i'm drunk

 

[Mellownatts]

I am probably going to sound harsh here but i would say don't tell her and deny everything, pretty much for the same reasons as Chris has pointed out. i knew a guy in a similar situation who seemed to have everything, good job, nice house, stunning girlfriend, loving parents, he then cheated with a girl he knew from school..

He owned up to what he had done and told her, but said it would never happen again and he realises what he had done, thats when his life as he knew it ended, she left him and he turned into a different person, a violent drunk and everything in between, to cut a long story short he ended up hanging himself..

Now im not saying that telling his girlfriend was THE reason he did it but admitting what he had done started him on a path that led to such a tragic thing..

 

[Sic]

I am probably going to sound harsh here but i would say don't tell her and deny everything, pretty much for the same reasons as Chris has pointed out. i knew a guy in a similar situation who seemed to have everything, good job, nice house, stunning girlfriend, loving parents, he then cheated with a girl he knew from school..

He owned up to what he had done and told her, but said it would never happen again and he realises what he had done, thats when his life as he knew it ended, she left him and he turned into a different person, a violent drunk and everything in between, to cut a long story short he ended up hanging himself..

Now im not saying that telling his girlfriend was THE reason he did it but admitting what he had done started him on a path that led to such a tragic thing..

see, if losing her was going to have that much of an impact on his life, why bother cheating in the first place. and not being able to help it isn't an excuse.

(that was a rhetorical question - you provided a good example of what i was talking about)