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Friday jokes anyone??

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by MowyTone, 25 Sep 2009.

  1. MowyTone

    Mobster

    Joined: 4 May 2009

    Posts: 3,366

    Location: Southampton

    I'm tired, I'm at work for another 5.5 hours and need cheering up.

    Is there anyone out there that can offer a decent joke to help the time pass?

    I would offer a joke to start it all off but all the ones I know are 'not family friendly'
     
  2. utajoker

    Capodecina

    Joined: 13 Jan 2006

    Posts: 20,003

    Location: Wigan

    what do you call a chicken in a shell suit?



    an egg.
     
  3. h00fzilla

    Hitman

    Joined: 1 Jul 2009

    Posts: 674

    Location: Finsbury Park

    In an interview about his failed marriage, Sir Paul McCartney was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

    In response he said, "I'd prefer it if you called her Heather."
     
  4. Phage

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 18 Jun 2009

    Posts: 1,747

    Location: Kent

    What's white and can't climb trees ?

    A Fridge.
     
  5. platypus

    Caporegime

    Joined: 25 Jul 2003

    Posts: 39,073

    Location: Rhône-Alpes+Cambridge

    How do the police know that Fred West's victims were female?

    They were all wearing foundation.
     
  6. Kearney_1988

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 21 Jan 2008

    Posts: 1,692

    Location: Birmingham

    Congratulations, you just saved this thread for me :D
     
  7. rotters

    Soldato

    Joined: 14 Nov 2004

    Posts: 5,335

    Location: Hayle, Cornwall

    what do you call a lesbian with big hands??


    well endowed.




    rotters
     
  8. pingwing

    Capodecina

    Joined: 9 Apr 2008

    Posts: 19,548

    Location: Bedford

    Surprisingly funny! Have a *high 5*
     
  9. blix

    Banned

    Joined: 28 Dec 2007

    Posts: 2,227

    :D
     
  10. .G0

    PermaBanned

    Joined: 9 Aug 2009

    Posts: 43

    Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
    A. A golden retriever.
     
  11. StevieP

    Soldato

    Joined: 2 Jan 2004

    Posts: 7,151

    Location: Chesterfield

    Police are hunting a man who chopped the roof off his 4x4....

    They are looking for a man with a sawn-off Shogun.....

    :D

    All my own work ladies and gentlemen......applause greatly appreciated! :p

    StevieP
     
  12. gillywibble

    Capo Crimine

    Joined: 28 Jun 2007

    Posts: 52,814

    Location: Tamworth, UK

    Ooh, joke repeats.
     
  13. mjt

    Capodecina

    Joined: 31 Aug 2007

    Posts: 18,421

    An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub.
    We didn't invite the Welshman because he's a ****.
     
  14. 4T5

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 30 Aug 2004

    Posts: 27,746

    Location: Middle of England

    If I want a laugh All I have to do is think EGGFACE. :D
    I actually laughed out loud whilst I walked my dog this morning saying it inside my head. :o + :p
    When I go in tonight everybody will be Eggface & it will be Lol funny as we are taking the **** out of that advert that says laugh out loud. :D
    Before you ask we are Night workers & stupidity staves off boredom & makes it fun.

    Be Gone Eggface. :D
     
  15. Le_Petit_Lapin

    Capodecina

    Joined: 5 Sep 2005

    Posts: 11,742

    Location: Northern Ireland

    A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't **** you if you were the last person alive."

    Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?"

    Wiped the smug look off her face.
     
  16. Flare

    Mobster

    Joined: 2 Jan 2009

    Posts: 3,549

    Location: Manchester

    lmfao! Thats ****ing brilliant! :D
     
  17. Greenlizard0

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 15 Mar 2004

    Posts: 28,189

    Location: Liverpool

    Lol!

    Greenlizard0 "*BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!*" *Ground shakes, Richter meters go mental, people in general duck under tables*
    Lady scally "Eeeeaaaaiiiiiiiiii!!!!! That's ****ing disgoosting!"
    Greenlizard0 "Mm..if you think that's bad you should hear what comes out the bottom end"
    Lady scally ".."
     
  18. PinkFloyd

    Capodecina

    Joined: 21 Sep 2005

    Posts: 14,256

    Location: Bradley Stoke, Bristol

    Hahaha. free internet to you my friend, made me laugh out loud!
     
  19. Jono

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 13,262

    Location: Northallerton/Harrogate

    Michael Jackson. Cos he's DEAD.
     
  20. Flare

    Mobster

    Joined: 2 Jan 2009

    Posts: 3,549

    Location: Manchester

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: 25 Sep 2009