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Friday's joke.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by G-MAN2004, 2 Jun 2006.

  1. G-MAN2004


    Joined: 4 Jul 2004

    Posts: 30,242

    Jock was out working the field when a barnstormer landed.
    "I'll give you an airplane ride for £5," said the pilot.
    "Sorry, cannae afford it," replied Jock.
    "Tell you what," said the pilot, "I'll give you and your wife a free ride if you promise not to yell. Otherwise it'll be £10."
    So up they went and the pilot rolled, looped, stalled and did all he could to scare Jock. Nothing worked and the defeated pilot finally landed the plane. Turning around to the rear seat he said, "Gotta hand it to you. For country folk you sure are brave!"
    "Aye," said Jock "But ye nearly had me there when the wife fell oot!"


    Bonus joke because i'm nice:

    Double glazing is doing great business in Scotland in hope that the children cannot hear the icecream van when it comes round.
  2. Enfield


    Joined: 8 Nov 2003

    Posts: 7,401

    Location: Hampshire

    Sorry, neither of them are funny.
  3. ExRayTed


    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 7,755

    Location: Surrey

    My mum used to tell me the ice cream van only made a sound when it had run out of ice cream :( Awful thing to do to a 6 yr old :D
  4. Ex-RoNiN


    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 12,354

    rubbish, doesn't even deserve a taxi
  5. G-MAN2004


    Joined: 4 Jul 2004

    Posts: 30,242

    Ok then :p

    What did the peanut say to the elephant?

    Nothing, peanuts can't talk.
    How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?

    Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.
    Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?

    To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
    What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?

    "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
    What was the elephant doing on the motorway?

    About 5 mph


    Elephant jokes rule!
    Last edited: 2 Jun 2006
  6. pinkacidbootson


    Joined: 9 Mar 2006

    Posts: 4,001

    Location: Rhone-Alpes, France

    LOL thats funnier than the jokes!

    I can imagine all the other kids getting excited when they hear the ice cream van, and you're like "aww they never have any ice cream left" rofl
  7. monkeypants


    Joined: 12 Jun 2005

    Posts: 2,812

    Location: A lake!

    What do you call a man who delivers papier-mache to nuns?

    Henover VII!

    Why did the giraffe choke on a hat?

    He thought it was a nut!

    What did the big policeman say to the little policeman?

    Go west, my son!
  8. iCraig


    Joined: 21 Apr 2004

    Posts: 13,314

    Location: Wolverhampton

    These are all ****ing awful.
  9. G-MAN2004


    Joined: 4 Jul 2004

    Posts: 30,242

    Not you again LOL :p
  10. Memphis


    Joined: 13 Jan 2004

    Posts: 12,204

    Location: Inverness

    This thread should be banished from the forum forever tbh.
  11. Enfield


    Joined: 8 Nov 2003

    Posts: 7,401

    Location: Hampshire

    This one got the smallest of smiles. :)
  12. the_brainaic


    Joined: 18 Jun 2005

    Posts: 736

    Location: Canterbury, UK

    monkeypants should be banned from the forums for disservice to humour...
  13. Belmit

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 7 Nov 2002

    Posts: 7,612

    Location: The Winchester

    Two old women were sitting on a park bench when a man in a long overcoat ran up to them and exposed himself.

    The first woman had a stroke, the other just admired it from afar.
  14. Majago


    Joined: 5 Feb 2004

    Posts: 3,410

    Location: Stroud

    ^^best one so far :D

    Although the elephant on the motorway one raised a smile too :)
  15. axe


    Joined: 1 May 2006

    Posts: 600

    hmmmm not sure about todays jokes :(
  16. Al Vallario


    Joined: 3 Aug 2005

    Posts: 4,534

    Location: UK

    Now, I mean really... like, really... what the...? :o

    Lets hope someone accidentally nukes this thread from orbit :(
  17. G-MAN2004


    Joined: 4 Jul 2004

    Posts: 30,242

    What's big, white and would hurt a lot if it fell on you out of a tree?

    A fridge. :p
  18. MR_Punk


    Joined: 23 Mar 2004

    Posts: 7,952

    Location: Up t'north

    More elephant jokes G-man!

  19. Rich1988


    Joined: 8 Jan 2005

    Posts: 6,380

    Location: wiltshire

    hehe put a smile on my face.
  20. Usher


    Joined: 30 Dec 2004

    Posts: 3,359

    I spose I'd better slavage this thread lol

    The pope goes on a visit to Ireland & as he steps off the plane he's amazed that everyone is chanting Elvis 'Elvis 'Elvis'

    He gets in the popemobile & as he's being driven along thru the streets he can't believe all the people chanting Elvis 'Elvis' Elvis ' & waving flags & banners with Elvis we love you etc.

    When he arrives at the Hotel they have to fight thru the crowds chanting Elvis 'Elvis
    Finally he arrives at his hotel room & when he walks in there's a gorgeous naked girl lying on the bed & she says Elvis 'take me ' Elvis ' Elvis

    So the pope thinks for a minute & then he goes

    Its a one for da money
    its a two for da show :p