Permabanned
- Joined
- 18 Feb 2020
- Posts
- 25
My name is Richard Head and I collect and train battletoads as a hobby. I first started collecting and training battletoads in 2015 after I retired from my medical practice in Cambridge, yearning to find something to fill my newfound free time, I recalled how profoundly the 1991 video game had impacted my life.
Starting from humble beginnings of just one toad, I have now amassed a miniature army of no less than 30 battletoads of varying ability, lethality and survivability. I still have the very first toad I trained up to battle-readiness; his name is Tank.
Tank is an absolute unit, as you can see from his PR shot above. In order to keep him in such exceptional good shape, he must follow a strict dietary and training regimen. This helps to ensure that he is already ready to save the world from evil forces at a moment’s notice. Tank’s current PB for bench pressing is 25kg and I have seen him take down a badger on more than one occasion. Truly he is my finest pupil.
But I have a great many students, all of whom have strengths in their own rights. In the photograph below you will see, from left to right, Slug, Marlboro Mike, the Slimy Tyke and Goku.
Slug
Marlboro Mike, the Slimy Tyke
Goku
Slug, Mike and Goku are my current roster of battletoads in the 2020 Winter Championships, which is the major sanctioned competition for battletoads during the offseason. It is structured in a straightforward tournament, with both teams and individual brackets. Each battletoad or team of battletoads must progress through the competition by defeating their opponents until the Grand Final, which is held on Easter Sunday each year. Goku will also be competing in the individual’s bracket.
Tank usually sits out of the offseason to train, instead focusing his competitive efforts on the Annual Intergalactic Battletoads Invitational, which is held during the summer months. Last year he won the tournament for the 3rd consecutive time, cementing his status as the most powerful battletoad in the universe. Despite this, Tank is approaching retirement age and I’m focusing a lot of energy on getting Goku up to his full potential to take Tank’s place in future.
I guess the last battletoad I would like to share with you all is Tony Williams, pictured below. Tony is a bit of a charity case if I’m honest. He refuses to train or to do battle, instead folding his arms and ribbiting on about the New World Order and Lizard People. He was a relatively young toad when I found him, but I think he must have sustained some form of mental trauma during his days in the wild. Despite his often bizarre behaviour, I have kept him and he can usually be found watching conspiracy theory videos on YouTube.
Well, thanks for reading! Ask me any questions you have about battletoads!
Starting from humble beginnings of just one toad, I have now amassed a miniature army of no less than 30 battletoads of varying ability, lethality and survivability. I still have the very first toad I trained up to battle-readiness; his name is Tank.
Tank is an absolute unit, as you can see from his PR shot above. In order to keep him in such exceptional good shape, he must follow a strict dietary and training regimen. This helps to ensure that he is already ready to save the world from evil forces at a moment’s notice. Tank’s current PB for bench pressing is 25kg and I have seen him take down a badger on more than one occasion. Truly he is my finest pupil.
But I have a great many students, all of whom have strengths in their own rights. In the photograph below you will see, from left to right, Slug, Marlboro Mike, the Slimy Tyke and Goku.
Slug
- Likes: crickets, worms, Monster Ultra Violet energy drink
- Dislikes: snails, lasagne, increasing polarisation in modern political discourse
- Special ability: Whirlwind Slam
- Win/Lose ratio: 0.68
Marlboro Mike, the Slimy Tyke
- Likes: unfair odds, snails, Philip Schofield
- Dislikes: slugs, milky tea, 16th century history podcasts
- Special ability: Mega Suplex
- Win/Lose ratio: 0.42
Goku
- Likes: Noblechairs, high intensity workouts, Kay Burley@Breakfast on Sky News
- Dislikes: bad posture, nVidia’s monopoly of the high-end GPU market, country music
- Special ability: Super Turtle Energy Wave (Kamehameha)
- Win/Lose ratio: 0.98
Slug, Mike and Goku are my current roster of battletoads in the 2020 Winter Championships, which is the major sanctioned competition for battletoads during the offseason. It is structured in a straightforward tournament, with both teams and individual brackets. Each battletoad or team of battletoads must progress through the competition by defeating their opponents until the Grand Final, which is held on Easter Sunday each year. Goku will also be competing in the individual’s bracket.
Tank usually sits out of the offseason to train, instead focusing his competitive efforts on the Annual Intergalactic Battletoads Invitational, which is held during the summer months. Last year he won the tournament for the 3rd consecutive time, cementing his status as the most powerful battletoad in the universe. Despite this, Tank is approaching retirement age and I’m focusing a lot of energy on getting Goku up to his full potential to take Tank’s place in future.
I guess the last battletoad I would like to share with you all is Tony Williams, pictured below. Tony is a bit of a charity case if I’m honest. He refuses to train or to do battle, instead folding his arms and ribbiting on about the New World Order and Lizard People. He was a relatively young toad when I found him, but I think he must have sustained some form of mental trauma during his days in the wild. Despite his often bizarre behaviour, I have kept him and he can usually be found watching conspiracy theory videos on YouTube.
Well, thanks for reading! Ask me any questions you have about battletoads!
Epic.
