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Kiddies jokes needed!!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by ivrytwr3, 23 Sep 2009.

  1. ivrytwr3


    Joined: 25 Aug 2006

    Posts: 4,105

    OK, after a few years of baby talk and changing nappies, my little one is growing up and i would like some jokes to tell him. However, after:

    "Knock Knock, who's there? Doctor........etc etc etc


    Why did the chicken cross the road (which the kiddie just stared at me blankley after delivering the killer puchline)/

    I'm stuck. Can't think of anything else that doesn't involve, race, midgets, porn or asian dwarf porn.

  2. mac1st3


    Joined: 14 Jun 2009

    Posts: 4,170

    Location: Southampton

    You're adopted? he might not think it's funny, but the look on his face would be priceless ;)
  3. AHarvey


    Joined: 6 Mar 2008

    Posts: 10,004

    Location: Stoke area

    How do you make a whore moan?

    Wipe your knob on the curtains!


    Erm, get down to a charity shop and get a cheesy joke book :)

    EDIT: or check this: http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
  4. Vita


    Joined: 26 Mar 2006

    Posts: 11,037

    Location: United Kingdom

    Had that said to me, turned out it was true. Should have seen the look on my face then. :eek::p
  5. knip


    Joined: 28 Jun 2006

    Posts: 11,102

    Location: Somewhere in Bristol

    How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

    Rock it! :D

    Whats brown and sticky?

    A stick!

    Whats pink and fluffy?

    Pink fluff!
  6. DampCat


    Joined: 26 Feb 2007

    Posts: 13,789

    Location: Manchestah

    Thread needs more Asian Dwarf Porn jokes.
  7. Ciphon

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 9 Dec 2008

    Posts: 2,341

    Location: Hampshire

    Whats the fastest thing in the water?

    A Motor-Pike! .......

  8. DampCat


    Joined: 26 Feb 2007

    Posts: 13,789

    Location: Manchestah

    What goes peck.. BANG, peck... BANG, peck... BANG?

    Chicken in a minefield.

    (was my favourite joke as a lad)
  9. G-MAN2004


    Joined: 4 Jul 2004

    Posts: 30,170

    What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile?

    Get in the Batmobile, Robin.
  10. frosty03

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 14 Jul 2004

    Posts: 1,778

    Location: England

  11. DampCat


    Joined: 26 Feb 2007

    Posts: 13,789

    Location: Manchestah

    It's a joke and i was a child. Chickens are invincible.

    How many explosions did Wile E. Coyote survive?
  12. SfnX

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 9 Apr 2009

    Posts: 1,134

    Location: Newcastle Upon Tyne

    rofl thats terrible
  13. Guerrilla


    Joined: 27 Mar 2009

    Posts: 7,222

    Location: Middlesbrough

    What do you get if you cross a plate of jelly and a helicopter...

    A Jellycopter!

    Why is that the only joke i can remeber from my childhood :(
  14. Nitefly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 24 Sep 2005

    Posts: 33,349

    Why did the lobster blush?

    Because the sea weed!
  15. Russinating


    Joined: 27 Dec 2005

    Posts: 16,270

    Location: Bristol

    There's that one about a penguin skiing with a newspaper or something.... I don't know, I can never remember jokes.
  16. 4T5

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 30 Aug 2004

    Posts: 27,746

    Location: Middle of England

    Mary had a Little bike she rode it on the Grass.
    Every time the wheel went round
    A spoke stuck up her Woooohooooooo

    My Nanny witch used to sing this to me. :D
  17. Reginald

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 24 Aug 2008

    Posts: 1,312

    Location: London

    What do you get when you run over batman and robin?

    Flatman and Ribbon!

    What kind of pet did Aladdin have?

    A carpet.

    What do you call a fly with no wings?

    A walk.
  18. DampCat


    Joined: 26 Feb 2007

    Posts: 13,789

    Location: Manchestah

    Mr Fox went down to the pond to get a drink. He saw Mr Frog sitting on a lilly.
    "How did you get out there, Mr Frog?" he asked
    "Easy!" Replied Mr Frog
    "How deep is the water, Mr Frog?" The fox asked
    "Needeep! Needeep!"
  19. Amnesia


    Joined: 22 Jun 2007

    Posts: 8,953

    Location: Buckingham Palace

    how do you stop a nose running ?
    trip it over

    what did the big chimney say to the little chimney ?
    you're too young to smoke
  20. YouBunt2


    Joined: 5 Aug 2009

    Posts: 159

    Location: York/Southampton

    Whats worse than spinning a baby on a washing line?....Stopping it with a shovel