1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Mates ex

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Siliconslave, 27 Feb 2006.

  1. Vanilla


    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 9,361

    I agree with the 'ask first' mob.

    Very important you do, only two things ruin friendship in my experience, money and girls. Tread carefully around both.
  2. Mr Jack


    Joined: 19 May 2004

    Posts: 22,765

    Location: Nordfriesland, Germany

    Just do it.
  3. rG-tom


    Joined: 27 Nov 2004

    Posts: 9,793

    Location: London

    here's a theoretical question:

    you've been mates with / known the girl a lot longer, but have become a closer friend with the guy....is the girl fair game if he split with her? I know he wouldn't be bothered by it, or at least not enough to stop me, but sometimes it still a bit iffy.

  4. semi-pro waster

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 27 Sep 2004

    Posts: 25,829

    Location: Glasgow

    I think calling it a 'bit sick' is a little strong, there are two consenting adults involved here. It isn't as if there is something particularly dubious being suggested.

    That said I'd agree that the best solution is to ask the mate if he has any objections because it can lead to an awkward situation. Logic doesn't always(or even often) enter into relationships, while it may seem perfectly reasonable to go out with a mate's ex it might not appear so to them.
  5. DJammyRasta


    Joined: 28 Nov 2004

    Posts: 2,826

    Location: London

    are your friend and his ex still friends ? if they can get along then it be ok to ask your mate what he thinks... if he cant stand to be with her then that would be a no

    saying that your already speaking to her and if your friend knows this and still likes you then you might be in with a chance.... one of my former friends when being my mates back and started dating his ex ... we dont speak to either of them any more (the friend or the ex)
  6. Old Turkey


    Joined: 21 Oct 2005

    Posts: 332

    Location: The Queens Croquet-ground

    You should inform him of the facts so that he doesn't remain ignorant, but in no way should you ever, ever feel inclined to seek permission or approval from anybody, in my view. I would not want to be friends or acquainted with someone who feels they have a form of territorial veto over a woman, simply because he happened to see her at one point or another in time.
  7. The_TailGunner

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 17 Oct 2003

    Posts: 1,894

    Location: Dublin

    he has a new gf- he has given up any prior claim to his ex.

  8. roboffer


    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 9,599

    Location: Sunderland

    I think most people in here are missing the point.

  9. paradigm


    Joined: 26 Aug 2003

    Posts: 36,816

    Location: Staffordshire

    If a mate got with my ex (even if i had "moved on") i'd be very upset! 1) I wouldn't want her dragging back into my life, and 2) She dumped me and I still want her.
  10. VIRII


    Joined: 24 Jul 2003

    Posts: 30,259

    There shouldn't be a problem but the factors include what terms he is on with her now and how he personally sees these things.

    If he is of the view that she is a nice girl but they are history then I don't see a problem.
    If he is of the view that he hates her then it might be an issue.
  11. Hedge


    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 18,504

    Location: Somewhere in the middle.

    depends how you size up to him in the showers. she might be lookin at your pecker and thinkin of his
  12. richyfingers

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 6 Feb 2006

    Posts: 1,684

    Location: Glasgow

    Dont go there, mates ex's are out of bounds in my opinion plus why would you want sloppy seconds from your mate. eughhh!
  13. The_TailGunner

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 17 Oct 2003

    Posts: 1,894

    Location: Dublin

    if you already have another gf, then you really have no grounds for complaint though...and if you still want your ex, you should perhaps re-evaluate your current relationship?

    (thats a you in general, not you yourself)

  14. Spud21


    Joined: 11 Nov 2002

    Posts: 4,552

    Location: Bristol

    Have to agree with the Gillster. If one of my mates got with my ex without at least saying something to me first i'd be seriously narked, not because they are with my ex but becuase they didn't have the descency to say something to me first. I would never say no to a mate about it even if i wasn't over her but i'd ask that they kept it well out of my face for a bit.
  15. Siliconslave

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 11 Dec 2002

    Posts: 10,174

    Location: Darkest Norfolk

    Cheers guys, the mate in question isn't one of my closer ones, but more someone in one of my friendship groups, only really got to know him more recently.

    I think i'll give it a while and see if anything comes of it then txt / ring him and just keep him upto date, giving him a chance to express any concerns and take them on board :)
  16. Bracco


    Joined: 25 Oct 2005

    Posts: 548

    Women aren't "property". Anyone who has a problem with their friend and ex being happy together, really isn't a friend. Saying it has to do with respect makes it sound like the "friend" is still thinking she is his.
  17. Gilly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 17 Oct 2002

    Posts: 95,526

    Location: I'm back baby!

    Who said women were property? Wasn't me.

    If one of my mates went out with my ex fiancee I wouldn't speak to them again. Ever.
  18. Otacon


    Joined: 10 Jan 2004

    Posts: 21,923

    Location: All over

    I wouldn't do it - ever. Though I'm heavily biased in that opinion, having been bitten before.

    Trying to speak with more reason however: You do need to speak to the guy first. If they were together for a long time, and there are still some raw feelings there, then out of respect for your mate I wouldn't risk hurting the guy.

    If they were together for 2 weeks, messed around and then just let it die... then he probably wont be bothered.
  19. Borris


    Joined: 25 Oct 2002

    Posts: 30,410

    Make sure that you ask when you are both standing at a urinal.

    That way, he will be so shocked by your disregard for one taboo, he won't mind you disregarding the other.
  20. cjeasom


    Joined: 29 Oct 2002

    Posts: 307

    Location: Land Of Pork Pies!

    find out exactly why they split up, he might save you alot of hassle in the long run if you find out a bit about her first, i.e. not how you know her as a close friend but what she is like as a girlfriend, there is a big difference!!!!!

    /personally i wouldnt touch it, it will never be the same with your mate again!!!! even if he gives you his blessing!