Mates ex

Otacon · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:04

Bracco said:
So you can honestly tell me that if you split with piggy and a year later there were no feelings, you still wouldn't want her to be happy with a friend of yours, because that would mean neither of them had "respect" for you? Or would you be grown up enough to realise that if you are a true friend then all you want is for him to be happy?

But that's different - the feelings are gone, and presumably Des would have given his blessing to that effect. I dont believe anyone has said that this would be disrespectful on the mates part.

Murf · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:05

As many people have said speak to your friend first, it's the only respectful thing to do.

Bracco · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:08

Otacon said:
It's nothing to do with any relationship with the ex - it's to do with the relationship between you and your mate. For them to pursue something/someone knowing it would be an emotional blow to you would be quite a betrayal, in my eyes.

[edit]That isn't worded great, but I hope you can get my drift

Not really. Why would it be "emotional betrayal"?
Just to add, by the way. I have been in a relationship where the person I was with had been friends with my ex (although only through me). If my ex had tried to stop us being together, he would have lost his friend for trying to control his life. As it was, my ex joked around a bit at first, but then realised that I was a lot happier with the new person. If my ex had throw a little childish fit and stopped us being togther, the result would have been both myself and the friend being miserable and nothing more.

Bracco · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:09

Otacon said:
But that's different - the feelings are gone, and presumably Des would have given his blessing to that effect. I dont believe anyone has said that this would be disrespectful on the mates part.

How so? You say an ex is an ex, and they are out of bounds?

Desmo · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:09

Bracco said:
So you can honestly tell me that if you split with piggy and a year later there were no feelings, you still wouldn't want her to be happy with a friend of yours

As Daz has already said, if there were no feelings then I don't think it would be a problem. But if the feelings were still there on my part then I'd have problems. Can you say that it wouldn't bother you if your mate went out with a girl thet he knew you had feelings for?

Otacon · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:10

Bracco said:
Not really. Why would it be "emotional betrayal"?

Knowingly engaging in something that would emotionally hurt someone. Cant think of a better way to describe it.

Gilly · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:12

Bracco, you've completely missed an important point.

I'd guess that the vast majority of the time the friend would either give consent or have a very good reason not to. We're aren't saying that exes are automatically out of bounds for friends. Just have the respect for your friend to speak to them about it first.

Not too hard is it?

Bracco · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:13

Gilly said:
Bracco, you've completely missed an important point.

I'd guess that the vast majority of the time the friend would either give consent or have a very good reason not to. We're aren't saying that exes are automatically out of bounds for friends. Just have the respect for your friend to speak to them about it first.

Not too hard is it?

Why does the ex have to give consent at all? Can you honestly say you would be happy knowing that your ex had the final say in who you do and don't date?

Gilly · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:13

Bracco said:
Why does the ex have to give consent at all? Can you honestly say you would be happy knowing that your ex had the final say in who you do and don't date?

The ex?

I said the friend.

If my exes best mate fancied me and asked my ex about it and she wasn't keen on us seeing each other I wouldn't have a slight problem with it.

Otacon · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:14

Bracco said:
Why does the ex have to give consent at all? Can you honestly say you would be happy knowing that your ex had the final say in who you do and don't date?

It's back to the respect thing. If I was pursuing a friend of an ex, and she turned me down out of respect for her friend (my ex), then that's perfectly legitimate in my eyes. I couldn't argue it.

Bracco · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:17

Gilly said:
The ex?

I said the friend.

If my exes best mate fancied me and asked my ex about it and she wasn't keen on us seeing each other I wouldn't have a slight problem with it.

By ex I mean the ex of the person you're interested in.

Otacon · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:19

Bracco said:
By ex I mean the ex of the person you're interested in.

In this scenario, that would make them you're friend, correct?. If you're talking about someone out of the equation (and not in this scenario) then they have no grounds to stop the person you're interested in starting a new relationship, and nobody here would disagree. If that person is a 'friend' of yours, you have to consider their feelings - being a friend.

Borris · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:25

This is all starting to sound like a Shakespearean tragedy.

Siliconslave · 27 Feb 2006 at 16:30

Borris said:
This is all starting to sound like a Shakespearean tragedy.

your telling me mate! Oh, I am fortune's fool!

Gilly · 27 Feb 2006 at 17:34

Bracco said:
By ex I mean the ex of the person you're interested in.

Then in this scenario as Otacon says thats your friend. You aren't much of a friend if you don't consider their feelings.

woodsy2k · 27 Feb 2006 at 17:35

I am currently going out with a mates Ex, We been together nearly 2 years now, and me and my mate still get on just as well as we did before i got together with my gf. I did however ask him, not for permission, but for his thoughts, and i then acted based upon them. It turns out for me, he was fine with it. But Its best to be honest and not keep secrets vetween friends. It will only end badly IMHO.

<(Multi)> · 27 Feb 2006 at 18:16

The idea of going out with a mates ex really repulses me. You'd be going where they'd been!! :eek:

Hell, why not cut out the middle man (or woman in this case

) and just sleep with you're mate - gross.

I'd walk, or rather run, from this nasty situation you're getting yourself into!!

But if she's really really fit, bang her first

Mana · 27 Feb 2006 at 18:18

ask him first dude

Siliconslave · 27 Feb 2006 at 18:21

<(Multi)> said:
...Hell, why not cut out the middle man (or woman in this case ) and just sleep with you're mate - gross...

But if she's really really fit, bang her first

erm... yesssssss so do you only date virgins then?

<(Multi)> · 27 Feb 2006 at 18:29

Siliconslave said:
erm... yesssssss so do you only date virgins then?

hush, don't spoil it for me, of course they're all virgins. I teach them all they need to know.............

Mates ex

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