Memorable/Hilarious nights out

[Macky]

Seeing as nights out have been off the cards for a while now, I find it fun to reminisce! Anybody got any memorable or funny night out stories? Granted, the best nights usually aren't that memorable..

A couple immediately spring to mind:
When I was in university, my usual group and I attended a rave at the typical pitch black, grotty warehouse situated in the middle of an industrial estate. We'd been partying for a few hours when I noticed one of my friends was slightly worse for wear. Instead of facing the DJ, front and centre, he'd turned ninety degrees and was having what looked and sounded to be a considerable confrontation. That confrontation turned out to be with the wall. To which he was shouting "you Manc *******s!". Turned out he'd got a little confused after one too many beers and thought he was at Anfield, watching Liverpool play. Safe to say, once we realised this, we quickly scooped him up, cut our night slightly short and bundled ourselves in a cab home with him! He slept for about 16 hours and had forgotten all of it the next day!

For my first holiday abroad with my college mates, we went to Magaluf. Had the usual booze-fuelled night. Then I remember waking up the next morning on a bench slightly confused, no idea where I was. Checked my pockets - both empty, no phone and no wallet. Great! Managed to navigate my way back to the hotel, which took about three hours. Had to use the hotel phone and very embarrassingly ring my bank and ask them if they could cancel my card. Thankfully I only had about twenty euros in the wallet, so not holiday ruining. Returned back to the hotel to find another one of my mates had done the same thing!

Embellishment encouraged!

 

[Dis86]

Watching my mate hit on a very obvious transsexual. Was brilliant. His reaction priceless.
Seeing a woman that was out with us do a full del boy when leaning against a bar although the mental cow accused me of pushing her over and got me thrown out.

They're the 2 that always stick.

 

[Fry750]

Pretty tame but this'll always stay in mind...

A Halloween night out at University and my friend has dressed up as a zombie - pretty standard. He'd also just had a minor operation on his hand which meant he had a bandage wrapped around his wrist...

Anyway, we start chatting to these girls and one of them asks about his bandage, he says he's been bitten and it's a really painful and annoying injury.

One of the girls then looks at him with a raised eyebrow and raises her hand showcasing she was in fact genuinely missing a couple of fingers on her hand...

His reaction: "Did you get bitten too?"

At that point I was weeping with laughter and had to leave so I don't know how she took it.

How I miss Uni...

 

[Bug One]

I've had a few. Last was a football team end of season bash. Had the run of the pub we played for, bottles of Yeager and the manager hired a stripper who looked nothing like the picture.

Don't think I've ever laughed so hard.

 

[m@rty]

Playing who can toss the house keys the highest at 3am in the street with a friend after a messy night out, only for my friend to spectacularly land them on a window ledge of a nearby flat (we were in the middle of the street so this was quite a feat in itself).

After a brief argument and realising we weren’t getting back home without them, he rather apologetically had to knock on the door and ask the owner if he could retrieve the keys from the window ledge in a drunken murmur.

The only problem was that the owner appeared to be an absolute massive bodybuilder and he was NOT happy at just being woken up in the middle of the night I think my mate pretty much dropped dead on the chaps doorstep when he saw him, we got the keys in the end but I’ll always remember that night

 

[RxR]

I went to a mayors reception in Belgium after a Remembrance Day (Ypres) ceremony as a 15yo. I had never tasted wine before, and the reception hall tables were loaded with glasses of red. Had several, and headed back to barracks, absolutely sloshed.

On the walk back with my buddy, there were fields littered with red poppies. He reckoned they were opium poppies (!). We gathered loads, bought fag papers and 'smoked' the petals undried.

The rest of the day disappeared in a drunken headache - who knows what happened. Awoke the next morning to a raw ham and beer barracks breakfast. Not so good.

 

[LOAM]

Four of us on our first night out in Tenerife (early 20's). It had been an organised pub crawl which finished at **** knows o clock and we fell into the back of a taxi with my mate slurring the name of our apartments. The taxi driver started saying something and gesticulating wildly. After much arguing and confusion which ended with us saying (slowly and loudly obviously) "just take us to ******* name apartments". The taxi driver eventually shrugged and started his car and drove exactly 10m around the corner and stopped. We were of course literally outside and he'd spent the last 15 minutes trying to tell 4 drunk idiots they were already there.

 

[builder22]

mate getting chucked out the pub for singing football songs after them having an unexpected win...the pub had a revolving door and he came straight back in still singing

 

[NVP]

Going to have to wait for the anonymous confessions thread else risk arrest and public condemnation. #goodtimes

 

[NVP]

Four of us on our first night out in Tenerife (early 20's). It had been an organised pub crawl which finished at **** knows o clock and we fell into the back of a taxi with my mate slurring the name of our apartments. The taxi driver started saying something and gesticulating wildly. After much arguing and confusion which ended with us saying (slowly and loudly obviously) "just take us to ******* name apartments". The taxi driver eventually shrugged and started his car and drove exactly 10m around the corner and stopped. We were of course literally outside and he'd spent the last 15 minutes trying to tell 4 drunk idiots they were already there.

We gathered loads, bought fag papers and 'smoked' the petals undried.

Haha we were all dumb kids, once. Isn't it in the seeds, anyway?

 

[wesimmo]

I have a friend who cannot take his drink, but loves to get hammered, light 2 Drambuies, stick them to his nipples with the vacuum before, ripping them off and slamming them. This has led him to do many stupid things in his time.

He's also stupidly intelligent, but an absolute ****wit as well.

After one heavy night at Uni, we drove from Newcastle to Leeds to pick up his brother to join us for the next night. I took the opportunity to offer a girl i fancied a lift back to Leeds to see her family.

Half way down the A1, he said he was going to be sick, opened the window and hung his head out, unfortunately he started puking just as we passed an artic, the wind changed and the sick came back into the car.

I got spattered, the girl i fancied, sitting in the back, got lightly showered, but the only thing that saved him from a battering was his sorry face, masked in puke except for his eye holes, i couldn't help but kill myself laughing when i pulled over.

He then went into Ted Baker to try and buy some non puke covered clothes and got laughed out the store.

Later that night, after returning to Newcastle, getting drunk, him doing the Drambuies again and wandering off to our student house. we got home to find him asleep slumped against the door with his arm in the letterbox clutching a stick.

Turns out he, despite having a key in his pocket, was trying to open the Yale lock with a stick when he fell asleep.

 

[DireEmblem]

I had a mate who went to the same take away three times in a night. Once on the way to the pub quiz, second time on the way home, and third time after taking a detour on the way home to the casino. We realised the following week at the pub quiz, when he was saying he woke up the next day with a full pizza and couldn't remember picking it up. He got a kebab on the second visit.

Same guy is really good at multitasking. Managed to take **** and be sick into a skip at the same time.

Another night, a guy from work thought it would be funny to get us to play save the queen. We downed our pints twice to save the queen, at that point decided he should take part in the fun too. He took offence to the second pint we got him to drink, and started to mouth off that he could drink us under the table any day (at the same time switched to bottles). We said 'sure, we're a few more pints down, but happy to play, but we have to count your bottles as half a pint. We're sticking to pints'. We then switched to 5p's and counted each of his drink as a half score. He soon left.

A while back, decided to start playing our own version of impractical jokers. Basically betting each other to do things in the pub. First person not to complete a task looses. My mate thought he got me a good one, when telling me to play duck duck goose. The table I chose complained about me, and we almost got chucked out. The bouncers and others in the pub were watching us the whole time and thought it was hilarious so we got to stay

 

[Scuzi]

In Madrid for a concert and had spent the day imbibing and eating tapas. After the concert kicked out, my mate who had eaten a lot of patatas bravas and callos madrilenos along with a lot of beer, had a sudden overwhelming urge to lay some cable. He couldn’t hold it so found himself a doorway and did the deed. I should mention that this was a street in the middle of the red light district, and whilst he was about 10cm dilated, some hookers who he had goaded 100yds up the street (by placing his index and middle fingers either side of his mouth and sticking his tongue out and moving it around) walked past and started yelling at him, causing quite the fracas. This attracted police attention, who came over and said to him something along the lines of “you can’t leave that there”. He picked up what was a surprisingly large and firm log, and had to carry it until we were out of the view of the police. He chucked it in a bin.

 

[Narj]

I end up in an unfair number of odd situations.

I tend to be pretty friendly when I'm drunk. One evening I was having a laugh with my mates and some random dude in the pub, bought him a pint just being friendly. He then followed me into the toilet and made me feel rather uncomfortable. Got the wrong end of the stick methinks.

A couple of times I've been chatted up by transsexuals. Last time was in the West end. Fit body tbh but the booming voice asking "DO YA LIKE SEX" was a giveaway.

Lost 4 hours of my life sleeping in a bush in the middle of a dual carriageway once and was amazed I still had my wallet.

Oh, once got chased by a very angry bunch of Chinese kitchen workers in the west end after my mate managed to really offend them somehow (they were on their break outside). I have no idea what he said/did but I ran for my life.

Quite a lot of nasty stuff had gone down on some nights out that I'd rather forget - I don't drink to the point of oblivion anymore, just merry idiot stage.

 

[Macky]

In Madrid for a concert and had spent the day imbibing and eating tapas. After the concert kicked out, my mate who had eaten a lot of patatas bravas and callos madrilenos along with a lot of beer, had a sudden overwhelming urge to lay some cable. He couldn’t hold it so found himself a doorway and did the deed. I should mention that this was a street in the middle of the red light district, and whilst he was about 10cm dilated, some hookers who he had goaded 100yds up the street (by placing his index and middle fingers either side of his mouth and sticking his tongue out and moving it around) walked past and started yelling at him, causing quite the fracas. This attracted police attention, who came over and said to him something along the lines of “you can’t leave that there”. He picked up what was a surprisingly large and firm log, and had to carry it until we were out of the view of the police. He chucked it in a bin.

The "10cm dilated" line got me!

 

[Feek]

Two chips

 

[potatolord]

A works football team trip. We made a point of stealing a useless object from each pub we stopped at on the way home. We had all sorts in the van, including a chair. We stopped off at this pub in mid-Wales where the local hated us on sight. Unfortunately the landlady noticed one of the big framed pictures in the bar had disappeared and accused us of nicking it. It all got a bit out of hand as some locals started getting a bit loud as we protested our innocence (while sending someone out to empty the van contents as we knew where this was going). It spilled out into the carpark and turned into a mass brawl. I was treated to the sight of "Dai"*, who was a very polite and softly spoken chap, kicking some bloke who'd gone down in the head. Repeatedly. It was the most amazing transformation I've ever seen. The cops turned up surprisingly quickly and gave everyone a massive telling off, told us we were lucky tonight and to just go away. We got lucky there- thanks cops! Nightmare continued on our return to work as, somehow, management had found out and we had brought the office into disrepute, so football was banned.

Finding a dead body when we were all on mushrooms. Phoning it in to the cops from a phone box, they kept me talking ( a little confused..) and a car turned up and made us show them where it was. It turned out it was just some old tramp who'd fouled himself while asleep. Managed to convince the cops we weren't deliberately wasting their time, through a fog of hallucinations and paranoia. Another lucky escape.

When Dai passed out after a heavy session we got an old piece of carpet, put it over him, just leaving his head exposed and nailed it down tight to the floorboards. He was fuming when he woke up and bellowed dire consequences to us all, which just made it funnier and gave us less reason to let him go.

Drawing all over Dai's face with a marker while he was passed out in the pub. Terrible offensive things. We all took turns. Then woke him up as he needed to meet his mrs in a club and he rushed off. Predictably he was refused entry and got into a spat with the bouncers. His mrs went crazy when she saw him and stormed off telling him she'd had enough. He only found out about what was on his face when he saw himself in the mirror when cleaning his teeth. He wasn't happy with us.

*all names changed to "Dai"

 

[Haggisman]

Went to see Simon Patterson at syndicate in Bristol with a few mates and some girls from uni, ended up having a dance off in the middle of the dancefloor with some guy in an electric wheelchair who was doing donuts, then properly stressed out the taxi driver on the way back to Bath by playing with the electric windows the whole way back.. Finished off the night making "gravel angels" in the car park of the uni halls...

Another time after being at Air in Birmingham for the Anjunadeep 2 launch party, sat in New Street waiting for the first train home on Sunday morning when Solarity turns up, absolutely hammered, and proceeds to destroy one of the ticket machines, then tries to enter WH Smith via the window...

Good times!

 

[Quartz]

I was behind the bar for this one. University do at a hall of residence. Someone had too much to drink and pulled a knife. Fortunately the rugby team were present and sat on him.

 

[dacads]

Croatia back to hotel from night out , taxi driver must have been a racing driver flying round corners and into the middle of the road

Honestly thought I was going to die or possibility of kidnap