For me, I remember when I was 9, I was at Peter Pans Playground (Southend, Essex) and I went on the ferris wheel and it got stuck, i was alone at the top for an hour, and I puked all over some poor woman and it went in her pram too, Hilarious to think about now but amazing how scared I was... haha! what about you guys?
Many years ago I was in a six a side karate competition. The last bout was between a male on our team and a female black belt on the other team. For some unknown reason, I shouted out very loudly 'punch her in the ****', a word beginning with T. Everyone, including the fighters and referee, stopped and looked at me. I still cringe about it to this day. On a more recent occasion, I was shopping with my wife in Iceland and as we left she pointed out that the underpants that I had been wearing the previous day were dangling from the bottom of the shorts I had on.
Where to start?! Probably today. Walked in public wearing shorts which didn't fit, and I had to hold up with one hand, different colour socks, a ridiculously inappropriate pair of smart shoes......To cap it off I was sporting a haircut done by someone who has never done one before. No shame. ^^
I most certainly didn't!, did a Zoidberg to get off stage. It would have been less embaressing but the singer thought it would be funny to get the DJ who did the music between bands to dim the lights & put "Hot Chocolate - Miracles" on as I came out
A few years ago, I went to the supermarket and bought a crate of beer (24x330ml glass bottles). I got the bus home as it was raining and I'm lazy. I get on the bus and put the crate of beer down on the floor of the bus so that I can get my Oyster card out. What I didn't realise was that the floor of the bus was damp. I went to pick up the crate of beer and the bottom of the box split open. Bottles of beer went flying everywhere, half of them smashing as they landed. There was a mini-tidal wave of beer down the length of the bus. Needless to say that the bus driver was NOT impressed.
I was once at this Black Tie do, I'd gone on a "blind date" as a favour for some friends as this girl didn't want to go on her own. We were on the top table with the MD etc, I proceeded to get blind drunk and managed to pick up the MD dinner jacket by mistake. When he tried to polity reclaim it from me I basically told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of him and his poor attempt to steal my jacket. The night got worse from there but that's enough embarrassment for one post
When i was 16 (long time ago) I used to help out a DJ who did cheesy discos in pubs. I had a little bit too much to drink one night and went into the toilets in the pub, opened the door but the lights had been switched off. I continued to feel my way to the urinals only to fall into a bloody great hole in the floor which was full of human excrement, I was wearing light coloured trousers and a light coloured shirt too. I was head to toe covered in **** and ****. When I left the toilet the whole pub erupted in laughter Jokers in the pub eh!
I used to do Mobile Discos when I lived in Cornwall, I was doing a wedding reception and was fiddling around under the decks when I heard lots of coughing coming from the reception room. I'd managed to kneel on the button for the smoke machine, this thing was a brute and could fill a large room in about 30 seconds, I think I'd managed to activate it for about 2 mins!!! Erk!
with me its a daily thing, this morning at the gym we were discussing why they had ripped out the sunbed (Virgin) we got round to discussing how we had seen black guys using it, and I was explaining its for vitamin D, someone said, "its not like they tan or anything" I was then explaining that black people do tan, and that my brother in law, comes back from holiday, blacker than black when he comes back from holiday, and you can barely see him when its dark. two big black guys were standing behind me.
Other than text my managing director what I thought of him, instead of my sending the text to my colleague?
I was like 14/15 at the time and my old man took me to a 40th birthday of one of his mates, who was minted. Massive marquee in the field, full wedding like set up. The place was full of millionaires and the like. There were no other kids there and they didn't serve anything but wine. No soft drinks. So naturally I could completely slaughtered. After passing out on the toilet for about an hour, the party moved back to their mansion. I was a little green behind the gills and on feeling a rumble in my stomach, I felt the need for a massive dump. Off I went. As I sat down for said dump, I felt the room spinning like mad. Cold sweats sweep over me... This isn't good. I assume the position, head down the toilet. Trouble is, I hadn't even had a chance to have a crap yet, so when I heaved to chunder, the involuntary reaction caused me to **** all over their cream carpeted bathroom floor. I mean, who has cream carpet in a bathroom?! Not only did I manage to spray **** the furthest ever recorded, but I also managed to **** all down my legs and trousers. Naturally, there was no way of hiding this massive state, and I had to get help. Needless to say I didn't live that one down for a while with my old man and his mates. No one knows that story though, not most my mates or the Mrs. Naturally, I don't dish it out at story time.
