My bedroom became my sisters, then her room became a guestroom, then she moved out and that room became the guestroom and the smallest bedroom became a office and library...
All happened very quickly.
Mothers, can't live with em, can't live without them!
- Thread starter Fuzz
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My bedroom became my sisters, then her room became a guestroom, then she moved out and that room became the guestroom and the smallest bedroom became a office and library...
All happened very quickly.
Soldato
I'm 22 and live with my mum. I don't sponge off her at all I help her out. I provide for myself. Moving out isn't a smart move right now. Don't judge.
Thought I'd mention the fact I was thinking of moving out having checked out a few places.. Before I'd even finished talking I was branded stupid, it's a stupid idea, what about my hip, I'd have to put the cats in the cattery and it makes "everything I've got here a waste of time"
Not quite sure what that last comment was directed at TBH and I didn't get a chance to ask as she stormed off to bed in a huff.
You'd think at my age she be glad to get rid of the burden of cooking, cleaning, washing and tidying my **** for the last 30 odd years.
Were your parents supportive in your ideas when you were moving out for good?
I'm sat here a bit stunned thinking WTF
If her hip is too bad to take care of cats, why have you got her cleaning, washing up and tidying your crap up after you?
Because to some people, it's wrong to have an arrangement that they didn't have when they were younger.
A friend I used to work with is exactly the same. I'd get moaned at that I was on "too much money" and that I should give all my wages to my mum and she gives me pocket money out of it
confused: yeah I know).He also is a firm believer that you're a sponge if you're living at home the day you hit 18.
I'm 19, almost 20 and I'd love to be in the position to have my own place with the girlfriend, but currently money issues make that impossible.
Being unemployed sucks, add that to the girlfriend being in Uni and living in a different city (we see eachother a lot, we're only an hour away from eachother before anyone moans about long distance).
If it was a year from now she'd finished Uni and I had a job with an adequate wage, I'd be doing what I could to either get a mortgage or at least rent a place of my (our own).
I outgrown the "Mother Son" relationship a long time ago, so there's been a lot of tension for a long time, I've never been one to just nod and say yes, which made things a bit rough so it'd be great to have some space and be away from "I'm the adult, never question what I do, just do as I say".
I think my mum'd be pretty positive about moving out though.
Man of Honour
I couldn't wait to move out, and whilst I love ['em dearly I think having to strong dominant males (my father and I) in the house it was just going to lead to trouble.
It just sounds like it's come to a bit of a shock to her, you've been at home for such a major part of her life that it'll feel odd. Maybe look into moving nearby or close enough for you or her to visit? That's why I think people living at home for too long isn't a good thing. People become too dependent on their folks - just my opinion, I mean not to cause any fuss. However by mid 20s most people should (I hope) be away from home!
It just sounds like it's come to a bit of a shock to her, you've been at home for such a major part of her life that it'll feel odd. Maybe look into moving nearby or close enough for you or her to visit? That's why I think people living at home for too long isn't a good thing. People become too dependent on their folks - just my opinion, I mean not to cause any fuss. However by mid 20s most people should (I hope) be away from home!
Man of Honour
I think if people are living at home and pay towards food, help clean the house and after themselves, contribute to bills, rent/mortgage, and other such things it's not a problem. Scrounging off the love and goodwill of your parents is a little off in my books.
Soldato
I moved out about 6 months ago, I had lived on my own before but ended up moving back, after a year at home and being 23 I decided it was time.
It is a bit more expensive and takes a bit more effort having to clean/shop and cook but it is worth it. My mum and dad let me do what I like but it just isn't the same with them there. I am now freeee.
They were happy to see me go because I was planning to move out a few years previously, within 1 month they had converted my room into a gym but I think my mum is missing me, she just got a cat to replace me.
I have always paid rent and done my own washing/cooking but I would quite happily milk of my parents if they let me and were quite well off. Life is hard enough, might aswell get any advantage you can but I wouldn't squander it, put the money in savings or something.
It is a bit more expensive and takes a bit more effort having to clean/shop and cook but it is worth it. My mum and dad let me do what I like but it just isn't the same with them there. I am now freeee.
They were happy to see me go because I was planning to move out a few years previously, within 1 month they had converted my room into a gym but I think my mum is missing me, she just got a cat to replace me.
I have always paid rent and done my own washing/cooking but I would quite happily milk of my parents if they let me and were quite well off. Life is hard enough, might aswell get any advantage you can but I wouldn't squander it, put the money in savings or something.
Associate
I'm 26, still live at home, pay £400 a month to my mum, ontop of which I pay for the phone (mobile + landline), internet, we deuce sky+ bill, she pays for leccy\gas\council tax, and I also help her out when needs be with other household expenses, and our house has been in the family (rented) since pretty much day dot, so it's rent controlled and cheap, 2 bed for like £450 a month.
I'm more of a lodger than her son living at home as I work a DC shift job in London. Am I a failure still?
I'm more of a lodger than her son living at home as I work a DC shift job in London. Am I a failure still?
Soldato
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I moved out at the age of 18. Been renting for 2 years now
Man of Honour
^^ I wouldn't call that a failure, you clearly pay your way and help out in the flat.
Though you cant' beat being away from home!
Though you cant' beat being away from home!
Associate
I'm 24 and live at home, I also pay £400 a month and help my folks out when they need it. Unfortunately I wouldn't be able to get even a studio flat round here for less than 500, and that would be in a dodgy area. Take in to account living costs and I just wouldn't be able to afford it. Coupled with the fact that I have no desire to live on my own, or share a house with people.
My boyfriend is looking to buy a house next year though, so it's likely I'll be moving in with him, wooo!
My boyfriend is looking to buy a house next year though, so it's likely I'll be moving in with him, wooo!
Soldato
Most people finish uni at 21, and live with their parents for a few months while they look for a job, and a house in the same area as their job. Is that massive fail too?
Bit of a generalisation really.
Although yeah, my brother is 27 now and has lived at home all his life. Even lived at home while he went to Uni. He has a relatively low paying job (say ~£14k PA) and doesn't want to move out because he likes having disposible income. My Dad would like to see him move, but I'm fairly sure my Mum loves having him there. I think she would get a little depressed if he were to move out... It does annoy me occasionally though, since I earn more than twice what he does, but I spend at least 90% of my money on things which he has provided for him (rent, food, utilities, council tax, etc etc). My parents also bought him a car and give him top-up money each month
He complains about how much he earns, while he's playing his x-box and PC on a 42" plasma, with a 200+ DVD and BD collection, goes out 5 nights a week etc. I guess I'm just envious really, but I could never go back and live with parents. Freedom is priceless. It would be nice to have more toys though 
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No its not :s I moved out when I was 18, lost my job and had to move out, I live back at home now despite having a job and am saving up for a house deposit.
why would I move out and spend close to a grand a month on rent bills and food when I can live at home for £200 and set aside nearly £800 a month, granted its not ideal but I cant afford to live anywhere I want to at the moment so I am hardly going to rent somewhere I dont want to (I am 20 btw)
I dont tend to eat at home or even spend much time there anyway, I do however agree that anyone that stays with parents and SCROUNGES without a job or will to get one is a failure
While being an adult who is generalising about a whole group of people using video game terms such as "massive fail" is something that can be considered an argument?
You assume that everyone who stays home after being 20 years old is sponging off their parents. Have you considered those who have to care for their parents? Those who have to work to support their parents? Those who are unemployed, at some form of education, training scheme or any other meaningful activity and cannot afford to stay on their own?
Quick and sweeping generalisations really don't look good. I can see from your further posts that you elaborated indicating that you referred to particular groups of those who are indeed taking advantage of their parents (or any other housemate I might add). Nonetheless this initial argument of yours is pretty bad.
There are many reasons why anyone would be staying at home with their family after any age, be that 20s, 30s or later. There is no need for me to bring up further examples.
Besides, would you consider someone who left home at his 20s and got a place of his own only to be unemployed and on benefits out of choice and due to lazyness, as an example, as not pathetic? While someone who lives at home, works and contributes in some shape or form (not necessarily financial) as pathetic? Wrong in many levels.
By the way, I left home a long time before I was 20 so - no - you didn't touch a raw nerve there. I'm just arguing your point.
Sounds like your mum's the lodger, looks like you've got the largest proportion of the bills paid
.Although yeah, my brother is 27 now and has lived at home all his life.......I guess I'm just envious really, but I could never go back and live with parents. Freedom is priceless. It would be nice to have more toys though
I can see your point but you have to consider the long-term side of things.
For example, where do you see yourself after 10 years (as in earning/spending power, job satisfaction, housing quality and social circle) and where do you see your brother? It's always difficult to see others having things handed to them on a silver plate while they are doing (objectively) much less than "we" do - all the while while "we" don't even get nearly as much comforts as they do.
Nonetheless you need to have a long-term outlook. In 10 years you will be probably living in a mid-to-large size property, in a nice area of your choosing, with plenty of disposable income to buy all the toys you want (without obliging to anyone) and with a partner of your choice. People who live under the conditions that you mentioned as your brother living unfortunately give up a large part of their freedom for the short-term comforts. Honestly, consider his options of taking a girl out somewhere with his salary, or taking a holiday with friends or..or..or - you get the point.
I know it's hard working your butt off, earning good money and have nothing left at the end of the month while living in non-ideal conditions simply because life is too hard - but you gotta fight and work hard with a plan, and things will slowly but steadily improve. Always.
Enjoy your freedom of choice and options.
Permabanned
Maybe it's that your social skills are a bit.... lacking?
And no, you didn't touch a nerve with me, but you come across as a bit of a ****. Who are you to judge anyone and generalise?
Anyway back to the subject.
I moved out at 20 and loved it, I wasn't getting on too well with my parents at the time and wanted the independence. We got on a lot better afterwards because of it!
Just do whatever you think is right for you and your mother, I'm sure she'll come round.
I moved out at 19 as soon as I finished college but my parents didn't mind too much as I would be living around 5 miles away
But they were worried at the prospect of me living alone and expected me to be back home after 1 month... 2 years later and I've not had any issues a part from my parents always wanting to come visit. I'm guessing this is due to the house being lonely as both my brother and myself moved out within a year or so of each other and my little sister is become a more independent teenager.
Either way I'm guessing your mum might be worried about you etc but is more expressive of her feelings compared to my parents that basically just want to spy on me
But they were worried at the prospect of me living alone and expected me to be back home after 1 month... 2 years later and I've not had any issues a part from my parents always wanting to come visit. I'm guessing this is due to the house being lonely as both my brother and myself moved out within a year or so of each other and my little sister is become a more independent teenager.
Either way I'm guessing your mum might be worried about you etc but is more expressive of her feelings compared to my parents that basically just want to spy on me