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Need a lil help...relationship stuff

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Sacred, 3 Feb 2006.

  1. Sacred

    Gangster

    Joined: 8 Oct 2005

    Posts: 179

    Hi

    I've posted a long time ago about a girl who I was into but wasn't into me as much. This was back in may last year.
    We agreed to be friends around summer time and have been cool since
    Thing is, I met her the other day and asked her about her seeing another guy or anything, which she said she's tried to but she can't really get over this guy. And the way she described him seemed as if she was SOOO into him, mentioning a similar situation to what we had.
    She was into him but he was into her more than she was into him but now she regrets it because she realised she really wants him but fears its too late.

    As you may have guessed she was talking about me, but I didnt ask her this directly when I met her although I had pretty much figured it out (thinking about it after - it was SO obvious) - she told me through text afterword.
    ATM I'm seeing two girls (neither is her) but most of the dates and girls i've hooked up with have been as a sort of coping mechanism because I really believed I was in love with her.

    I also think I still am, and up until it became really obvious when she was describing him to me I was a little upset that she had found someone else.

    I just don't know what to do right now. I mean, I love her, but the way she texed me was as if she just wanted to try and get over me and this was the first step toward doing so, mentioning it was a farewell text as well as her coming clean.

    I haven't replied yet as I'm not sure what I want to say. Should I just let her go even though we both seem to want to be with eachother?
    I'm not in too deep with either of the girls I'm seeing and were just casual, so it wouldnt be too hard to explain to either of them.

    My heart is telling me I want her, but I'm not sure she will want to now, because she said she's felt this way for a few months now and its made her down, which is why she wants to move past it.
    But to be honest if we both want the same thing, could it work?

    Another part of me is telling me to let her go and let her get over it, and that it would be selfish for me to admit to her that I still love her and want to be with her.

    But when I think back to our conversation before I cottoned onto the fact she was talking about me.
    She said stuff like "Seeing other people jus makes me want him [me] more" and "thinkin about him makes me feel warm inside", n other stuff to that effect.
    This jus makes me want her even more but I'm afraid I might have missed the chance again...

    I'd just like some positive feedback on this situation if anyone is willing to give it. Just not sure what to do, because I don't wanna lose her in any way
    (sorry 4 being a lil dramatic)

    Thanks alot.
     
  2. Retsef

    Gangster

    Joined: 3 Jan 2006

    Posts: 151

    Location: Tonbridge, Kent

    I think you've answered your own question.
     
  3. Ukadder

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 3 Aug 2004

    Posts: 1,752

    Location: Essex

    I say go for it. You say both the girls your going out with are only a "coping mechanism" so it's no loss there, and it's also not really fair on the two girls.

    Will you regret it if you don't try it with this girl? could you live without ever really knowing if she was the one or not?

    If it was me (I do understand the frame of mind your in, as I to lust after a girl I've know for ages, were friends etc) I would have to give it a try if only to satisfy my curiosity and give me the ability to move on past this girl without trying to find someone else who matches upto her. (because imho that's what your doing with the other girls)

    just me!
     
  4. PsiFox

    Mobster

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 3,798

    Location: Somewhere in the U.K.

    If you are right

    She likes you

    You like here
    Do something about it

    Nothing ventured, nothing gained
     
  5. Rich_L

    Capodecina

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 18,172

    Location: Santa Barbara, Californee

    Do it.
     
  6. Wryel

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 26 Mar 2005

    Posts: 1,663

    Seriously, what have you got to lose? Two women you don't seem bothered about?
     
  7. fatiain

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 16 Oct 2004

    Posts: 7,655

    Location: Pratislava, Berk-shire

    Yeah, high five her.

    Then ask her out.
     
  8. Sacred

    Gangster

    Joined: 8 Oct 2005

    Posts: 179

    Thanks for you advice, and YES I really want to.

    But there are 2 points that are getting to me.
    1. I don't want to send her into a state of confusion, I know what it feels like and unless I'm SURE she does still want me, I don't think it would be fair.
    If she wants closure and I tell her I love her, wouldnt that be kinda selfish?

    2. Her 'tone' in the text seemed to be as if she'd made up her mind that it couldnt work out, and that she simply wanted to try and move on now and didnt really have the concept of 'US' any more..
    She said she was sorry to have treated me the way she did (because back when I was REALLY into her - she sort of played games and stuff) and hoped that I could forgive her for it. And as I said she mentioned it being a farewell text as well as admitting it was me she wanted...


    Again as I said we were sort of an item before but decided to be friends because of the fact I was into her more than she was with me.
     
  9. Zip

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Jun 2005

    Posts: 20,224

    Location: Australia

    Obviousely those other girls dont mean as much to u as she has. Also 2 girls are far more haslte then one. If u really liked them there would only be one anyway.
    This might be the last chance u have to sooth your heart and make yourself happy by getting her.
    If u leave it for too long she will be gone for good.
    If i were u i would go for it. You wont regret it at all.
    Follow your heart not ** meat and 2 veg
     
  10. Zip

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Jun 2005

    Posts: 20,224

    Location: Australia

    I just saw this reply of yours.
    Ok dont msg her back if she is confused about things, she might be saying fairwell because she doesnt think she can get u and she is distancing herself from you to stop the hurt.
    What u need to do now is CALL her and talk to her on the phone saying u dont want her to leave u and u dont want to say fairwell andthen tell her u still have feeling for her and tell her what u think of her and get talking and make her confusision go away.
     
  11. Sacred

    Gangster

    Joined: 8 Oct 2005

    Posts: 179

    This is sortof what I was thinking, although I wanted to go abit further and go to her house and call her to come out. That way she can't just hang up the phone on me, she could leave me sittin in my car but at least I can see her, I'm much better in person than on the phone...
     
  12. Zip

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Jun 2005

    Posts: 20,224

    Location: Australia

    Anyway u can talk to her so she can hear your voice and your emotion is fine.
    Just aslong as she can work things out between u and u can talk to her about it all.
    Who knows u might come out with a GF :)
     
  13. Rich_L

    Capodecina

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 18,172

    Location: Santa Barbara, Californee

    I see what you mean - you've been burnt once with this girl and you don't want to expose yourself to that again. Sit down and chat to her, explain say that you still have a soft spot for her and would still like to give things a go, but you want to take things slowly and see where they go and see how things work out because you don't want to be hurt again. Don't dive in to full-on deep relationship straight away, see each other every now and then casually, go out for a drink or a bite to eat but don't expect anything.

    I'd say it's impossible to judge how a girl is thinking from a text, it's virtually impossible face-to-face after all! Sounds like if you want things to happen you need to take the initiative and do things on your terms - if she likes you then she should understand and go with it.

    End of the day, getting involved with anyone carries the risk that you are gonna be hurt - but you aren't gonna get the benefits without taking that risk!
     
  14. Sacred

    Gangster

    Joined: 8 Oct 2005

    Posts: 179

    Yea I get ya.

    One of the reasons I THINK she was sounding so 'farewell-ish' in the text was because she knows i'm with a woman/women right now and I guess she wouldnt want to put herself out saying that she wanted to be with me.

    If I told her that I don't want them and that I want her and similar stuff would it not seem a little desperate? I do want her more than any other girl as I always think about her, whatever I do, I don't think about the others Ive had since her. But as I say I don't want to seem like I'm just willing to jus 'run-away' with her.
     
  15. Rich_L

    Capodecina

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 18,172

    Location: Santa Barbara, Californee

    Aye you don't want to come across as dropping everything for her, make her think that she has to work to convince you that it's worth it otherwise she'll probably just take you for granted :)

    Explain that your thing with the other girl(s) is only a casual thing and explain that IF you give her a chance then it won't go back to like it was but you'll see how it goes. Basically show her that you are willing to give her a chance but it's gonna take effort on her part to convince you she isn't gonna screw you over as your naturally suspicious because of your previous relationship and how that ended.

    Make her want to want you! :)
     
  16. Zip

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Jun 2005

    Posts: 20,224

    Location: Australia

    No u wouldnt sound despirate at all. Just make sure your clear about how they were there for a mechanizim to get over her and it should be all good :)
     
  17. Morba

    Caporegime

    Joined: 7 Mar 2003

    Posts: 28,189

    Location: Krispy Kreme drive thru

    you have spent way too much time just typing that opening post.
    go do something about it and enjoy being with her :]
     
  18. Sacred

    Gangster

    Joined: 8 Oct 2005

    Posts: 179

    Lol, nah i'm gonna drive over there tonight...

    I appreciate all the help and the swiftness of the replies...
     
  19. PardonTheWait

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Aug 2003

    Posts: 24,069

    Get in.
     
  20. fatiain

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 16 Oct 2004

    Posts: 7,655

    Location: Pratislava, Berk-shire

    Short, sweet and to the point. :D