OcUK Dadsnet thread

theone8181 · 18 Sep 2020 at 11:15

Unseul said:
Where did you get the trained gorillas???

Wife worked with babies in a nursery, she could tell which were breast, which formula and who was starting solids.

And yes, they do manage to spread it everywhere sometimes! For our son when very young with the softer/runny poo they have, we found the nappies with the internal netting really seemed to help stop to much smearing.

Dam autocorrect

.

uncle_rufus · 21 Sep 2020 at 14:09

Arsonist said:
Does it, how so? Our 6 week old is only on formula as he just wouldn't latch on despite weeks of trying. I really don't find the aroma bad at all, almost a sweet-smelling sort of scent.

Smells like Dijon Mustard to me (perhaps helped by the fact it kinda looks like it as well

)

Spacedeck · 21 Sep 2020 at 20:32

So far Reception for our daughter is going pretty well. She's done a morning session, an afternoon session and just done her first full day today. She's cried going in the first two times and I had to hand her over to the teacher, but today she was able to brave walking in holding her teachers hand, albeit a little shaky when the time came.

The problem now is something else, when I picked her up this afternoon, she really needed to go to the toilet, she had been rocking herself on a mat back and forth for the past 5 minutes before I arrived. And all three of her teacher had tried helping her and tried encouraging her to go, she just wasn't having any of it. I ended up having to take her before we left and hold her up, even that was a struggle. Her fear is she will fall down the toilet, as it's a little larger than she is and she'd either have to hold herself up, or someone hold her while she goes and she's not comfortable with that.

At home she has a seat that we can put on the toilet so she is able to sit comfortably, so going at home is fine. But going at school... I'm unsure how she's going to manage. Anyone had this? I'm thinking tomorrow to ask if it would be worth while me bringing her seat to school to see if it helps.

RxR · 23 Sep 2020 at 11:19

Noakesy85 said:
My daughter turned 4 on the 4th of August and started school this year, She's one of the youngest in her year bless her.

I faced the same start-age problem with my eldest. It caused me immense worry (worry that she would have a harder time of it due to having less prior learning experience time and brain tissue).

The only way I managed to cope (!) was by providing her with periodic speedups (faster learning / methods to compensate). Thankfully, that did the trick.

theone8181 · 23 Sep 2020 at 11:52

Spacedeck said:
So far Reception for our daughter is going pretty well. She's done a morning session, an afternoon session and just done her first full day today. She's cried going in the first two times and I had to hand her over to the teacher, but today she was able to brave walking in holding her teachers hand, albeit a little shaky when the time came.

The problem now is something else, when I picked her up this afternoon, she really needed to go to the toilet, she had been rocking herself on a mat back and forth for the past 5 minutes before I arrived. And all three of her teacher had tried helping her and tried encouraging her to go, she just wasn't having any of it. I ended up having to take her before we left and hold her up, even that was a struggle. Her fear is she will fall down the toilet, as it's a little larger than she is and she'd either have to hold herself up, or someone hold her while she goes and she's not comfortable with that.

At home she has a seat that we can put on the toilet so she is able to sit comfortably, so going at home is fine. But going at school... I'm unsure how she's going to manage. Anyone had this? I'm thinking tomorrow to ask if it would be worth while me bringing her seat to school to see if it helps.

We have a smaller seat too, but my daughter outgrew it before school, in fact my son doesn't use it either, maybe try to not use it at home? When my 4 year old son goes now he sort of perch's on the end, I think he used to put his hands on each side of the seat to stabilise himself, could try encouraging her to try that (while holding her to give her confidence).

RxR · 23 Sep 2020 at 12:15

@Noakesy85 - fwiw, counting ability is the easiest and best to speed up in year 1 of school.

uncle_rufus · 23 Sep 2020 at 12:15

RxR said:
I faced the same start-age problem with my eldest. It caused me immense worry (worry that she would have a harder time of it due to having less prior learning experience time and brain tissue).

The only way I managed to cope (!) was by providing her with periodic speedups (faster learning / methods to compensate). Thankfully, that did the trick.

23rd August here... my personal view is that it probably does make a difference, but there are so many other things that make so much more of a difference that it isn't worth worrying about too much (as you've found)

RxR · 23 Sep 2020 at 12:22

uncle_rufus said:
23rd August here... my personal view is that it probably does make a difference, but there are so many other things that make so much more of a difference that it isn't worth worrying about too much (as you've found)

Yes, a compensating environment (eg at least one supporting helpful parent, different methods, resources etc) can more than make up for the initial disadvantage. Speaking from experience.

As I perhaps mentioned upthread a long time ago, the eldest also had ASD, which made matters urgent - I know how that plays out.

Unseul · 23 Sep 2020 at 12:27

Biggest thing is emotional readiness, that can be harder to develop/support quickly at those young ages (and even beyond). If they're emotionally ready, then with good support you should be able to catch up in terms of education.

RxR · 23 Sep 2020 at 12:37

Unseul said:
Biggest thing is emotional readiness, that can be harder to develop/support quickly at those young ages (and even beyond). If they're emotionally ready, then with good support you should be able to catch up in terms of education.

Im not sure I grasp what you mean by emotional readiness. Can you give a bit more info so I can understand?

- fwiw, I have Aspergers, and may have a different definition or private understanding of what emotion is.

RxR · 23 Sep 2020 at 13:03

Fwiw, I used a list of big numbers and their names like on the following linked maths page (but a prettier version) as part of her year 1 counting practice speedup:

https://cs.uwaterloo.ca/~alopez-o/math-faq/node54.html

The speedup was to prevent me and her worrying, not a catchup. I put her approximately 5 years in front on the very basics.

Unseul · 23 Sep 2020 at 13:43

RxR said:
Im not sure I grasp what you mean by emotional readiness. Can you give a bit more info so I can understand?

- fwiw, I have Aspergers, and may have a different definition or private understanding of what emotion is.

Young kids especially, are still developing emotionally. For a basic example, so whilst they may be able to recite their times tables to the nth degree, they might not be able to handle a situation where there's a group of kids, and someone steals their toy. That frustration can come out in a lot of ways, maybe the kid starts to shut down and stops talking, maybe they regress in their potty training and start soiling their pants again (quite a common one, it's something they can control and no one else can) etc etc. At that age kids are really only coming to a point where they understand the concept of self, and potentially haven't yet understood the fact that other people have their own concept of self. Pre-school + first years in school, are basically the age where there are the most aggressive/violent encounters for pretty much any age as a human. Older kids (think 15/16) may express this violence more dramatically, but you're still often measuring it in terms of episodes a week, maybe a day, for little kids, it's episodes per hour.

They simply don't yet have a complete handle on who they are, let alone who the rest of the world is, and how to handle that. We can give them skills to help with it, much as we can give adults skills for the same reasons, but sometimes it's just a matter of simply being too young.

Probably a more common experience is that of young teens, whilst some in the group are powering into puberty, others simply aren't, and that also means a large difference in emotional control and maturity.

My missus did a lot of childcare stuff before, and where we were, if a child wasn't felt to be ready for school emotionally, they were simply held in kindergarten for an extra year. No big deal.

As someone who skipped a year at around the age of 9, and was late to puberty anyway, I can fully understand the importance. Perhaps not so much at a later age, but at the very young ages (such as 3-5) when a childs emotional world is still developing so much, it's worth considering.

I would add, it's not something everyone has to panic about, just because their child is on the younger scale of the school year, but it's worth a moments consideration. The vast majority are fine.

I'm not qualified, educated etc in all this, and may be getting bits wrong, but the general gist at least is what I'm trying to suggest.

Spacedeck · 23 Sep 2020 at 13:55

theone8181 said:
We have a smaller seat too, but my daughter outgrew it before school, in fact my son doesn't use it either, maybe try to not use it at home? When my 4 year old son goes now he sort of perch's on the end, I think he used to put his hands on each side of the seat to stabilise himself, could try encouraging her to try that (while holding her to give her confidence).

Thanks, it's something I'll look at doing more to try see if she can gradually get her used to it. We had a trial at school yesterday using her seat and it worked. She was able to go whilst there, so they've told me the school is purchasing one. I can try help her to feel more confident at home but it's nice to know the school are actively making an effort to help her. If she didn't have a seat, most likely she'd try hold it in all day, which could be worse and cause her pains or she'd need to go enough to not be able to hold it in.

RxR · 23 Sep 2020 at 14:26

Unseul said:
Young kids especially, are still developing emotionally. For a basic example, so whilst they may be able to recite their times tables to the nth degree, they might not be able to handle a situation where there's a group of kids, and someone steals their toy. That frustration can come out in a lot of ways, maybe the kid starts to shut down and stops talking, maybe they regress in their potty training and start soiling their pants again (quite a common one, it's something they can control and no one else can) etc etc. At that age kids are really only coming to a point where they understand the concept of self, and potentially haven't yet understood the fact that other people have their own concept of self. Pre-school + first years in school, are basically the age where there are the most aggressive/violent encounters for pretty much any age as a human. Older kids (think 15/16) may express this violence more dramatically, but you're still often measuring it in terms of episodes a week, maybe a day, for little kids, it's episodes per hour.

They simply don't yet have a complete handle on who they are, let alone who the rest of the world is, and how to handle that. We can give them skills to help with it, much as we can give adults skills for the same reasons, but sometimes it's just a matter of simply being too young.

Probably a more common experience is that of young teens, whilst some in the group are powering into puberty, others simply aren't, and that also means a large difference in emotional control and maturity.

My missus did a lot of childcare stuff before, and where we were, if a child wasn't felt to be ready for school emotionally, they were simply held in kindergarten for an extra year. No big deal.

As someone who skipped a year at around the age of 9, and was late to puberty anyway, I can fully understand the importance. Perhaps not so much at a later age, but at the very young ages (such as 3-5) when a childs emotional world is still developing so much, it's worth considering.

I would add, it's not something everyone has to panic about, just because their child is on the younger scale of the school year, but it's worth a moments consideration. The vast majority are fine.

I'm not qualified, educated etc in all this, and may be getting bits wrong, but the general gist at least is what I'm trying to suggest.

Thanks, I get what you meant now. ASD (by contrast) comes with social brain area relative disconnection (long wave interference) and a compensating degree of social anaesthesia, hence the typical unfamiliarity.

Unseul · 23 Sep 2020 at 16:58

RxR said:
Thanks, I get what you meant now. ASD (by contrast) comes with social brain area relative disconnection (long wave interference) and a compensating degree of social anaesthesia, hence the typical unfamiliarity.

Happy to have helped. As I say, something to consider, but not necessarily be fearful of.

regulus · 25 Sep 2020 at 20:38

We've hit a bit of a sleep regression patch. She's 4 months old on Monday and while she still goes down very early (still feeding to sleep), she wakes around midnight and fusses for a few hours before falling asleep again … which leaves mum and dad absolutely shattered for the past couple of weeks. Bless my partner though. She has reserves of strength and patience that barely moves, long after mine has run on empty.

iamtheoneneo · 25 Sep 2020 at 20:54

regulus said:
We've hit a bit of a sleep regression patch. She's 4 months old on Monday and while she still goes down very early (still feeding to sleep), she wakes around midnight and fusses for a few hours before falling asleep again … which leaves mum and dad absolutely shattered for the past couple of weeks. Bless my partner though. She has reserves of strength and patience that barely moves, long after mine has run on empty.

sounds pretty normal. Always going to have those swing moments whilst they grow all the way to 2/3 years

adam cool dude · 26 Sep 2020 at 09:03

My second just hit 12 months and only now starting to sleep normal. Have fun

He started walking at 11 months which is even more fun. Locks on all the kitchen cupboards already!

theone8181 · 26 Sep 2020 at 20:10

adam cool dude said:
My second just hit 12 months and only now starting to sleep normal. Have fun He started walking at 11 months which is even more fun. Locks on all the kitchen cupboards already!

We never bothered with locks. Didn't see much point as both kids were never that bothered and I figured the locks would annoy us more

.

adam cool dude · 26 Sep 2020 at 20:26

theone8181 said:
We never bothered with locks. Didn't see much point as both kids were never that bothered and I figured the locks would annoy us more.

Our first who is now twelve! didn't either but he likes to rummage in everything.