OcUK Dadsnet thread

[fatbatman]

Our daughter is due in the next 7-8 weeks. Will be our first, excited and nervous at the same time. Just been sorting out the nursery but she will be in with us for at least 6 months in a ‘next to me’ next to our bed.

Just how bad is sleep going to be impacted?

Our first slept through from 6 weeks old, didn't even want a bottle through the night.

Our second wakes up twice through the night, every night and she is 9 months old.

 

[RoboCod]

Just how bad is sleep going to be impacted?

27 months now, not ONE night slept through. Second child en route. What is reality?

YMMV

 

[fatbatman]

One thing important to mention, our second was born at the peak of coronavirus and a very, very difficult baby.

I can say that it has been the biggest test on mine and my partner's relationship and I will be honest and say it got pretty bad, to the point of me almost moving out. We never fought previously!

Hopefully we are coming to an end now but if not, be patient, bite tongue and help as much as you can.

 

[theone8181]

We had our first when I was 36, like you I still felt kid-ish. It doesn't go away but you find new strengths and learn new abilities.

I'm now 40 and have 2, one at 4 and another at 2.

Just remember, you don't have to stop being you, just become you-plus.

Just remember the perks, you can dance how you want, tell really bad jokes and get use of the all powerful parent and child space at the supermarket and tut when someone forgets their child.

 

[Resident]

Our first slept through from 6 weeks old, didn't even want a bottle through the night.

Our second wakes up twice through the night, every night and she is 9 months old.

Poor sleep has to be a second child thing.

My little lad, no matter how late we put him to bed, will be up at 0500-0530 regardless.

 

[Arsonist]

Well the GF appears to possibly be expecting, it's only about 4 weeks so it hasn't really sunk in that this could all be real and I could be a dad. I can't imagine me been a dad, when I think of "adult", I wouldn't consider myself an adult at 32, I still feel like a kid in some ways.

The prospect of a child is daunting, financial implications were frankly terrifying, we have decided to merge our finances, currently we seem to be better off mixing our finances, the only kicker is childcare at 600PM we expect for 3 days a week based on 5 quid an hour over 10 hours a day. The GF would be going part time and I stay full time. our disposable income after all bills, food transport appears to be £500 between us, possibly up to 800 per month if I change shifts so 1 less day childcare, at the moment our MDI is like 1600, to be fair I'm surprised as I don't know where our money goes, but we're having to tighten things up, I'm only having 1 costa coffee a week instead of 4 now, and the PS5 I got in my basket on Amazon I had to let go because I know we need to save, I've just paid my bicycle finance and paypal off, and planning on clearing ALL my debt of 6k in 5 months.

No holidays, no buying things, seems a bit grim.

But then, there is a child, I imagine a child and see many positive that outweigh the negatives, there are a few negatives, like up all night, wiping bums etc.. But seems fairly minor. I think ME been a dad is a bit like wtf!?!? in my head, something I could never imagine.

But at the same time I'm not getting my hopes up because of how early it is I assume anything could go wrong.

My mind is all over the place, we live in a 1 bed flat and are frantically trying to get a 2 bed house something to be settled in too.

Early congratulations, I hope everything pans out for you!

I'm 31 and had my first almost 6 months ago (was 31 at the time, but close enough!) I felt like a kid, totally unprepared mentally, even though I've wanted kids for as long as I can remember, financially in a terrifying position (I was almost made redundant 1 month before he was born), partner doesn't earn that much, still renting, no close family nearby for support etc etc. The thing is, once they're here, you just deal with it, because you have no choice. It's very much an 'in at the deepe end' thing. But I also found, despite the first few weeks of sleepless nights, you get into the motions of it, nappy changes, feeds, listening out of certain types of cry etc just become second nature. And honestly, I'm still a kid. My finances still suck, we still have no family nearby for support etc etc, but we have this super cute, giggly, squishy adorable little fella in the house and he just makes me very happy. So try not to worry, things have a way of sorting themselves out. Sort your finances out as best you can, get some dad-to-be books and give them a read, and focus on the positive stuff. The fact you're already making certain sacrifices makes it pretty clear you'll be a great dad.

 

[Quartz]

My little lad, no matter how late we put him to bed, will be up at 0500-0530 regardless.

"Daddy! Daddy! Is it morning yet?"

 

[dl8860]

27 months now, not ONE night slept through. Second child en route. What is reality?

YMMV

Are they waking up because hungry or just used to it at that point and wanting a cudlde? Do they nap in the day at least?

 

[Chris344]

27 months now, not ONE night slept through. Second child en route. What is reality?

YMMV

Wow that’s hardcore buddy!

 

[RoboCod]

Are they waking up because hungry or just used to it at that point and wanting a cudlde? Do they nap in the day at least?

He gave up all his daytime naps and he's not hungry. It's just neediness and he's used to getting the attention because mum wouldn't ever consider controlled crying.

Choose your options wisely guys

 

[dl8860]

He gave up all his daytime naps and he's not hungry. It's just neediness and he's used to getting the attention because mum wouldn't ever consider controlled crying.

Choose your options wisely guys

I mean you're going to have to tell him to go and do one at some point - unless you want him doing it age 10 still - so I'd suggest sooner rather than later.

And not just for your benefit. Without trying to be too judgemental, that might be enabling and fostering an unhealthy level of neediness.

 

[simpletom]

Adopted boy, 3½ years old, has been with us for six months now and is pretty awesome. His mum had to video call me while I was in work as he was having a little tantrum as he could not see his poo. I had to pause my class, who were very understanding, and draw a poo on a wipe board and show how it could be obscured by tissue. Of course, he drew his own poo and do the same. However, he seemed content with that.

Currently teaching him phonics at home, which he seems to enjoy, as he can now attend "Daddy's class", which is for big boys and girls.

 

[Resident]

"Daddy! Daddy! Is it morning yet?"

Usually "Daddy, UP!, downstairs, bix (meaning wheatabix), DANCE (he loves music).

He's a month away from 2 and hasn't yet grasped full sentences.

 

[robj20]

Usually "Daddy, UP!, downstairs, bix (meaning wheatabix), DANCE (he loves music).

He's a month away from 2 and hasn't yet grasped full sentences.

That's what George says, "dad up, downstairs"
I think 3 words is his max at the minute which is amazing.
I think he's going to have something like OCD started seeing signs with his toys, certain things have to be how he wants them or he kicks off.
Even the health visitor yesterday spotted something. Time will tell I suppose.

 

[Resident]

That's what George says, "dad up, downstairs"
I think 3 words is his max at the minute which is amazing.
I think he's going to have something like OCD started seeing signs with his toys, certain things have to be how he wants them or he kicks off.
Even the health visitor yesterday spotted something. Time will tell I suppose.

Thomas has similar quirks, one of which is he cannot go past our heating thermostat without pressing the button to light up the screen. Our health visitor told us it's normal development. He's figured how to do something so wants to keep doing it.

 

[ahar]

My little lad, no matter how late we put him to bed, will be up at 0500-0530 regardless.

And that is why St Steve of Jobs invented the iPad

Here you go son, bugger off till 7am ....

 

[Resident]

And that is why St Steve of Jobs invented the iPad

Here you go son, bugger off till 7am ....

Jobs was a crook. Nothing more than a slimy used car sales man.

 

[dlockers]

Paid £400 quid for a sleep consultant. Results from day 1. Now getting 7pm-7am consistently.

Going to regret posting this and have been holding off, but what a game changer from sleeping on Dad from first wake and 2 feeds in the night.

 

[fatbatman]

Paid £400 quid for a sleep consultant. Results from day 1. Now getting 7pm-7am consistently.

Going to regret posting this and have been holding off, but what a game changer from sleeping on Dad from first wake and 2 feeds in the night.

Care to share the info so some of us don't have to pay 400!?

 

[dlockers]

Care to share the info so some of us don't have to pay 400!?

Sure, but I want some commission from you once it works.

1. They need to be "totally awake" right up until the point their head hits the hay. -> I was doing quiet time before bed, with dimmed lights in the bathroom for bathtime.
2. They have to be awake when you put them down. -> If they wake up and aren't where they are when you put them down... that's why they cry.
3. There must be a "lovey" in the cot with them. I was worried it'd be too distracting but she loves it.
4. Nap structure is absolutely critical. 7/8 month olds need fixed windows - 2.5 hrs total. Has to be the same each day.
5. A hybrid "cry it out" that matches your level of need to go and soothe; I went straight for 10mins. Reset the timer if she quietens down. Once she made it 9mins 50 and I felt so bad for resetting, lol.
6. Do not lift or move her out of the cot. Comfort can be given in intervals after 10 mins to a number of your choice - aim for 5 mins but if you cant hack it, do sooner but stick to it consistently.
7. Any wake up ~30 mins before your target wake up should be treated as a night wake.
8. Do not feed on any wake up, at all.
9. Fill them to the brim before bed. Top up just before bath. Feed before bath.
10. Consistent lullaby each night no matter the parent doing bed time.
11. Always bath before bed.
12. Always a quick, very interactive story before bed.