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On Sick leave.....boss wants to meet for a drink!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Spike_UK, 17 Feb 2006.

  1. Spike_UK

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 1,716

    Location: Hemel

    I'm currently on sick leave at the moment.

    Rather than repeat myself, the full details are here: http://forums.overclockers.co.uk/showthread.php?t=17536832

    To cut a long story short though, I get panic attacks when anxious or uncomfortable which usually revolve around eating of digestive symptoms (burping, indigestion). I've been on medication from the doctors for almost two months and have made som eimprovement, but I'm still finding things quite difficult. I managed to go back to work for about 4 weeks before having a blip and needing time off again to get myself back to normal.....that's where I am now.

    I'm not back to normal yet, and it's taking longer than i'd like so i'm going to the Doctors on Monday to see if he can bump up my medication.

    BUT! This morning, I recevied a phone call from my boss asking me how I was. I was open and honest and told him the truth that I'm still not back to full strength but I'm coping. He then invited me out for dinner with himself and his wife (who also works with us). Obviously I declined as eating out socially is the whole part of my problem (which he knew and understood). He then said that he needs to talk to me and could we go for a drink. I agreed and arranged a time and location to have a drink.

    Having had that conversation I had a panic attack. I'm worried about the conversation now!!

    I've been sacked out of the blue before (part of the joys of agency work aparently :rolleyes:) and this whole schenario just worries me.

    My other half thinks that it'll be nothing more than a supportive conversation offering ideas and suggestions that will make work easier, things like working from home or doing half hours, and that anything official like a verbal warning or being let go should be done on work premises.

    I'm still not convinced....

    I'm picking at my lunch now, not wanted to be uncomfortable for the drink on afew hours.

    It's heartbreaking to be in this position as it's the first time I've had a job I enjoy!
  2. Bri


    Joined: 19 Oct 2003

    Posts: 4,839

    Location: Sunny Teesside

    I'd say your other half has it spot on :)
  3. big_white_dog84

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 8 Jan 2004

    Posts: 1,188

    He won't be allowed to sack you or give warnings in a social situation. I think it is probably out of genuine concern for you. Don't worry about it.
  4. schnipps


    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 5,381

    Hardly think it will be a chat so he can give your your notice, not out on a soicial ocassion, it just wouldnt happen. Maybe he has an idea it may be looming and is trying to find out for himself whats his options are by talking to you outside of the workplace. I think you know its not just going to be a drink and no mention of work, so i would say its safe to assume its a way for him and you to accertain what the future holds in the current situation.
  5. G|mp


    Joined: 10 Mar 2004

    Posts: 27,454

    He has probably asked to meet you for a social drink so you feel more relaxed
    rather then him drag you into work and get you wound up

    Dont worry about it :)
  6. singist


    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 4,446

    Location: Student Hell Headingley

    I'd say that you're on sick leave and that you shouldn't be harassed by your boss, no matter how supposedly nicely.

    Cancel the drink and ask your boss to send a letter if it's official/important; otherwise wait for your return to work.
  7. Was


    Joined: 5 Mar 2004

    Posts: 415

    The above post is a fair point but I would think it would get your boses back up.

    Go along and try and stay relaxed :)
  8. MNuTz


    Joined: 17 Mar 2004

    Posts: 4,935

    Location: Market Drayton, Salop

    have you tried a hypnotist?? I had a friend that had terrible panic attacks but hypnosis really really helped!

    Ask your boss if he wants to meet as a friend or as your boss.
  9. UKDTweak


    Joined: 2 Dec 2002

    Posts: 6,592

    Location: N.Ireland

    I was in the same situation two years or so ago, all the boss wanted was to see how i was getting on and to ask if there was anything the company could do to further aid my recovery.

    Dont worry about it, sounds like you have a decent boss.
  10. Cuchulain


    Joined: 28 Dec 2004

    Posts: 7,627

    Location: Derry

    Personally I'd have avoided meeting him for a drink, some bosses would consider that if you're well enough to do that then you're well enough to work. Might have been a better idea to ask him to visit you at home. To set your mind at rest though, you could always ring him and ask him what he wants to discuss with you, better to know in advance and possibly save yourself from worrying.
  11. Spike_UK

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 1,716

    Location: Hemel

    Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm a bit calmer now than i was when I made the first post. I'm still anxious though.

    When i got let go while as Agency staff (cost cutting measure, I was too expensive, they got two people with my wage), it really left me with a lack of trust towards my the person employing me.

    I have tried counselling, which helped me understand why I act the way I do and what triggers thing, but I didn't help the root cause. I then tried a few hypnotherapy sessions and at first made good progress, but then I started getting Panic Attacks DURING the Hypnosis...I don't think I ever let myself go fully under.

    Now that I'm slightly more in control Hypnosis is something I'm looking to investigate again.
    Last edited: 17 Feb 2006
  12. tenchi-fan

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 1,011

    Location: Ireland

    Send a letter asking if it's important?

    What a stupid idea!

    It seems to me his boss just wants to have a conversation in a non-threatening environment without the guy having a panic attack.

    I'm not saying the boss "cares" about him - Spike should consider it as a business meeting and prepare for it. i.e. Have some solutions prepared such as shorter work hours, rather than just saying "i'll probably be fine in a few weeks, thanks for asking".
  13. BillytheImpaler

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 2 Aug 2005

    Posts: 8,741

    Location: Cleveland, Ohio, USA

    I think that at this point if your boss was going to fire you at the pub and you cancel, he'll just wait until he sees you next to do it.

    Most likely it'll just be him finding out how you are and how you're coming along. he's probably just taking a genuine interest in the welfare and security of his employees.

    Does your boss (seem to) like you? Does he let on that he thinks you're faking?
  14. Stellios


    Joined: 27 Aug 2004

    Posts: 17,023

    Location: Geordieland

    My mam got the same when she had tore the muscle in her leg and had been off for 8 weeks. It was just a general chat to see how she was doing and to try and get a bit confidence to get her back into work.

    Dont get yourself worked up over it mate, go and heet your boss and see whats said, im sure itll just be a supporive thing.
  15. Amadeus


    Joined: 29 Oct 2002

    Posts: 705

    Location: Kent

    I would imagine your boss is wanting to be supportive and see how you are.

    Your situation is intrigueing. I had a similar but more minor situation whereby I felt that I couldn't eat without feeling ill - so basically i didn't eat and became very lethargic and insular.

    It became a depression and I had the whole antidepressant drug thing. I jacked those after a couple of months. What helped me the most was some counselling to try and root out out any underlying causes.

    Not bad now although I find any stressful situation does bring my 'thing' on again - its almost like your body sees it as a comfort zone which is quite bizarre as its not comfortable!

    good luck, let us know how you get on Spike...

    edit: just saw that you tried counselling - to be honest mine helped for a few weeks but I felt that I knew more about myself than the counsellor ever got around too if you see what I mean lol
    Last edited: 17 Feb 2006
  16. ezabella45


    Joined: 19 May 2005

    Posts: 441

    Location: Whitley Bay, Newcastle

    I myself can't eat in public due to my confidence and am also terrible in social situations.
    I can't begin to imagine what you go through but when I had to do a presentation in front of class of people last year I went for TFT. It really really helped - I went from a shaky, wreck of a person to someone confident.
    I only went for one session so I am not still like that unfortunately but it is definately worth a try.
  17. RumbleBee

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 22 Dec 2002

    Posts: 1,188

    Location: Teesside, UK

    My dad passed away in Feb 2005. I quit my job and tooks some time out. I then started work again in June with a new company. They were very supportive of my timeout and reasons to quit my previous job.

    Things started getting to me shortly after starting my new job. too cut a long story short I took some time off and seen the doctor as ordered by mam and wife. She seemed to bring all my problems to the surface.

    After a few weeks off I too recieved a call from my manager. He asked me to come down for a drink. I aggreed. I was very concerned about the meeting. Especially as I had only worked for the company for less than 2 months.

    As it turned out we discussed my situation and he fully understood as his sister had gone through similiar emotions. He did tell me to return to work when fully ready and offered 1/2 days optional. He made me feal very much at ease about returning.
  18. Nixeh


    Joined: 3 Jun 2005

    Posts: 874

    Location: Bristol/Portsmouth, England

    He wont be able to fire you anyway if he has approached you about the meet. Simple entrapment laws come into play if i am correct in saying so and if he does try to fire you later on then you can appeal with a very good arguement.

    But id be suprised if he done that to you, you can normally identify those type of managers and if you can the chances are you wouldnt meet with him anyway :p
  19. Spike_UK

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 1,716

    Location: Hemel

    He's a nice guy, he's the sort of boss where (if i was feeling better) I would be comfortable going for a drink with.

    I lend him my PSP games etc...
  20. monkeyspank


    Joined: 26 Dec 2003

    Posts: 6,322

    Location: cambs UK

    Go for it but stick to soft drinks.