Post your Fav short joke!

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Soldato
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A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.

The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."
 
Soldato
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Stoke on Trent
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.
The gang was very happy to escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted., "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed, "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers... we had $100 when we broke in!"
 
Soldato
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What do you do with a dog with no legs?

Take it for a drag.

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What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

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What's black, white, and red, and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head.

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Two men stood outside a Ferrari dealership, one says to the other: "That's the one I'd get", and Cyclops comes along and beats his head in.
 
Soldato
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Madgeordie2004 said:
2 dyslexic skiers are standing at the top of a mountain, one say's to the other "come on then legs zag zig down", dont you mean "zig zag" no "it's definately zag zig, so they argue for a while, "wait" said one "this is getting us nowhere, let's ask this guy over there"

"excuse me, can you help settle an argument"
"ok" say's the guy
"well I want to zag zig down this mountain, but my friend insists it's zig zag"

"i'm sorry, you're asking the wrong person i'm a tabogganist"

"ooh great can i have 20 benson & hedges then"

:D

thats probably the single most funny joke ive heard in ages im absolutley wetting myself here! god thats brilliant!
 
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