prenuptial agreement

[lsg1r]

They are both work. I never said anything about the father. You, however, were dismissing the mother's part as less important

Um I'm struggling to see where I said the mother was less important when bringing up a child, I never said anything about one side being more or less important.... my reply was purely in response to question about dividing finances if there was a divorce etc if the mother stays at home to look after the children.

As I said I wouldn't want that type of wife and the rest of my response was looking at it from the 'fathers' perspective... people seem to forget how much a stay at home mother can impact on the fathers relationship with a child.

Also, now I've read your post again, it seems to me that you're dismissing the part the father plays in allowing the mother to actually stay at home and look after the child....

 

[Em3bbs]

It shows such contempt for family life that looking after children isn't regarded as real work.

I find it sad you would consider spending time with your children "work". I love it, be it taking them to school or working with them in the garden or house. I wish my actual job was that easy and fun.

It's not work, it's called parenting and it's fantastic. Luckily I'm able to work from home a couple of days a week so I get to enjoy both sides of things.

 

[Em3bbs]

duplicate post

 

[Vonhelmet]

I find it sad you would consider spending time with your children "work". I love it, be it taking them to school or working with them in the garden or house. I wish my actual job was that easy and fun.

It's not work, it's called parenting and it's fantastic. Luckily I'm able to work from home a couple of days a week so I get to enjoy both sides of things.

That's fine, but that's not the point. Doing all that is just as important as being the parent earning the money to enable the other parent to do that.

 

[LiE]

Um I'm struggling to see where I said the mother was less important when bringing up a child, I never said anything about one side being more or less important.... my reply was purely in response to question about dividing finances if there was a divorce etc if the mother stays at home to look after the children.

As I said I wouldn't want that type of wife and the rest of my response was looking at it from the 'fathers' perspective... people seem to forget how much a stay at home mother can impact on the fathers relationship with a child.

Also, now I've read your post again, it seems to me that you're dismissing the part the father plays in allowing the mother to actually stay at home and look after the child....

I don't see how the wife working full time looking after the children until they are 5 has any impact on the fathers relationship with the children . The alternative is full time nursery, how is that better for everyone?

What "type" of wife are you referring to? The type that perhaps wants to bring their child up rather than a nursery? Yea I wouldn't want to marry that "type" either.

 

[SPG]

Only get married if you have kids... Even then put it off till you are in your 60s

The law is not on the male side in any shape or form, aside from being the "one" you have a duty of care to protect your Children then yourself first" Drop the kids and you need to protect yourself. The stigma of getting divorced is gone which was enforced by the church, the power has waned but the legal system is still back in the 1850`s.

 

[Haggisman]

I don't see how the wife working full time looking after the children until they are 5 has any impact on the fathers relationship with the children . The alternative is full time nursery, how is that better for everyone?.

Or both parents work reduced hours, maintaining the same income, but giving the father more time to spend with his kids?

 

[LiE]

Or both parents work reduced hours, maintaining the same income, but giving the father more time to spend with his kids?

Sure, assuming both earn similar.

I work full time, but luckily 3 days from home so get time with my son on those days I wouldn't otherwise.
My wife works for herself, so we put our son into nursery 2 days a week (purely for social development) and she works those 2 days.
There's no way I could reduce my hours, my income is far greater than my wife's.
She could go back to work full time, but I'd rather not have my son in nursery 8-6 Mon-Fri just have a few extra quid.

 

[sbk1972]

Interesting subject. Ive been with my partner for 15 years, we now have two kids and plan to marry in June. I am a marriage-phobic but the kids are at the age when they realise their parents arent married.

Who should I see / speak to understand my situation if when married we part say 2/5 years later ? Solicitor ? From my understanding Im pretty phucked already as my Mrs doesnt work and have been looking after the kids for the last 8 years. She gave up her career. So, although my house is mortgage free, its in my name, as are the bills etc, and she lives using a credit card that I pay for.

Be nice to get a good understand of my position pre / post marriage. I suppose you keep reading that 50% of marriages break up so you worry more and more.

SBK

 

[lsg1r]

I don't see how the wife working full time looking after the children until they are 5 has any impact on the fathers relationship with the children .

Really.....two people in a relationship, both working bringing in an income that is used to pay for everything (and I'm not talking about higher earners I'm talking about 'normal' family income or those on 3/3 shift work like you seem to be). They have a child and the mother stays at home full time to support the child... how do they make up for the loss of earnings? Oh right the father would likely need to take on more work, which in turn means more time away from the family home/child....

What "type" of wife are you referring to? The type that perhaps wants to bring their child up rather than a nursery? Yea I wouldn't want to marry that "type" either.

As I said I wouldn't want a woman that relies purely on the husband in the first place, they should be independent in their own rights in the 21st century imo.
If you look at my posts you will see I am a freelance and I have said that I work from home.... which means that the wife doesn't need to look after the child 24/7, I could.... you know this magical thing of sharing responsibility of looking after the child and having a marriage that is 50/50.

 

[LiE]

Really.....two people in a relationship, both working bringing in an income that is used to pay for everything (and I'm not talking about higher earners I'm talking about 'normal' family income or those on 3/3 shift work like you seem to be). They have a child and the mother stays at home full time to support the child... how do they make up for the loss of earnings? Oh right the father would likely need to take on more work, which in turn means more time away from the family home/child....


As I said I wouldn't want a woman that relies purely on the husband in the first place, they should be independent in their own rights in the 21st century imo.
If you look at my posts you will see I am a freelance and I have said that I work from home.... which means that the wife doesn't need to look after the child 24/7, I could.... you know this magical thing of sharing responsibility of looking after the child and having a marriage that is 50/50.

Like I said, you cannot apply this a lot of families. I think you will find a lot of earnings are heavily weighted towards one parent.

If both earn the same, then sure, I'm on board with both parents sharing the childcare.

 

[Syla5]

I also don't get those married couples who have their own bank accounts.
I heard somebody at work say "I told him if he wants to go there he can pay out of his own money".
From 1980 all our money has gone into one account.

Been together with my wife for 17 years, married 10 1/2 years, don't have joint banking (day to day use etc) at all and never have. The only joint accounts we have are where I have put my wife on a bank account so that she can benefit from the insurances and breakdown cover that comes with the account rather then both of us paying the monthly fee!

We have always been more then comfortable with this, we are both mature enough to be able to split the bills equally based on earnings and capacity. We are also both open with money, what we earn and what we spend, and have never had any disagreements over money or what is brought.

I don't get those couples that feel the need to have joint bank accounts. If you trust each other and are both open about what you earn, what you buy, and what bills you each pay then what is the need for joint banking?

A joint bank account does not stop dishonesty, it does not stop one or other person from being able to open a side account, siphon off money etc. Honesty and trust do that.

 

[Casdawer]

Been with my wife for 10 years now but only been married since last September. Those 10 years have had ups and downs and all the usual 'woes' but marriages require work. The problem these days is people tend to just jump ship the moment things don't go their way.

If one of the first things you think of is a prenup, it's not going to end well.

We plan to have kids next year and I'll continue to work full-time and she will go back to work after a year or so. We're lucky enough to have parents who work part-time and can look after the kids some days during the week.

 

[Richdog]

If one of the first things you think of is a prenup, it's not going to end well.

Really, I wonder if there are any statistics to support that couples without pre-nups have more successful marriages? It just seems like blind romanticism when people say starting a marriage with a pre-nup is bad. A pre-nup is not about saying a marriage is going to fail, but acknowledging that there is a almost a 50/50 chance that it will and doing your best to protect yourself should that situation ever occur. Only a fool doesn't prepare for these kinds of life-changing eventualities.

 

[Psycho Sonny]

This is an easy one.

Find someone who is roughly your equal in terms of intellect, income and future prospects. Makes it a lot easier, and not a sniff of gold digging.

I say this with experience second time around!

What if you created a successful business worth £60 million and she earns £20K a year?

I take it you then have to forget about her and go find a woman worth £60 million to get married to?

People who are saying if your thinking about pre-nup then your marriage won't last obviously don't have £60 million to lose.

 

[Psycho Sonny]

Interesting subject. Ive been with my partner for 15 years, we now have two kids and plan to marry in June. I am a marriage-phobic but the kids are at the age when they realise their parents arent married.

Who should I see / speak to understand my situation if when married we part say 2/5 years later ? Solicitor ? From my understanding Im pretty phucked already as my Mrs doesnt work and have been looking after the kids for the last 8 years. She gave up her career. So, although my house is mortgage free, its in my name, as are the bills etc, and she lives using a credit card that I pay for.

Be nice to get a good understand of my position pre / post marriage. I suppose you keep reading that 50% of marriages break up so you worry more and more.

SBK

If you marry her she will then own half of your house and basically if you do get divorced you will still need to pay for that credit card for the duration of your lives.

It would be safer and cheaper just to get her name changed by deed poll and tell the kids you were married.

However that isn't true love, you need to get married without a pre-nup for it to be true

 

[Psycho Sonny]

I also don't get those married couples who have their own bank accounts.
I heard somebody at work say "I told him if he wants to go there he can pay out of his own money".
From 1980 all our money has gone into one account.

I take it you don't have a wife who has 3000 pairs of shoes and 300 handbags then?

Women like to shop, look pretty, etc.

Seperate bank accounts just means seperate spending money for the things you want. Holidays and the like come out of the joint account unless it's a stag doo or whatever.

So 3 bank accounts required. 1 for you, 1 for the wife and 1 for all the joint bills

 

[Hades]

So if I have this thread right...

People in favour of a prenup = some single people, some married people and everyone who said they divorced.

People against a prenup = some single people and some married people.

It seems notable that no-one who has divorced has said they are against prenups.

 

[Orionaut]

Really, I wonder if there are any statistics to support that couples without pre-nups have more successful marriages? It just seems like blind romanticism when people say starting a marriage with a pre-nup is bad. A pre-nup is not about saying a marriage is going to fail, but acknowledging that there is a almost a 50/50 chance that it will and doing your best to protect yourself should that situation ever occur. Only a fool doesn't prepare for these kinds of life-changing eventualities.

Not so long ago, Marriages amongst the better off was always as much a business deal as anything else. People went into it with their eyes very much open to its true nature and a great deal of effort was made to ensure that the couple were a "Suitable Match" long before they ever even met. A Pre-Nup is entirely consistent with this tradition.

Many of those marriages turned out to be successful enough.

The modern concept of "Marriage for Love" is actually a pretty recent one, and as this debate illustrates, it is one that is fraught with issues!

(Not least because typically, the Oxytocin rush only lasts for about 5 years or so. Hence the "7 year Itch", Unless a couple finds a deeper meaning and compatability to their relationship by this time then things are likely to fall apart)

 

[Psycho Sonny]

So if I have this thread right...

People in favour of a prenup = some single people, some married people and everyone who said they divorced.

People against a prenup = some single people and some married people.

It seems notable that no-one who has divorced has said they are against prenups.

I don't think it's worth having one unless your fairly wealthy. If your worth less than £2 million then don't bother tbh. She will get half either way (with or without one). If you have truckloads of cash then it's a must have IMO, regardless of how much you think she is the one.

You get penalised for being married, the system is against them. Marriages should have more support.

For example married couple earning £16K each with 2 kids = no support

Seperated couple earning £16K each with 1 kid each (whilst still living in the same house) = £500 a week better off after tax (due to tax credits, etc). Albeit they would need to seperate everything like bank accounts, bills, etc to prove they are indeed seperate.

The system is all wrong.