secret comes out...

[jezsoup]

When she settles down and gets married to someone she will. Sex, the most intimate part of you. You marry someone you REALLY REALLY love, totally and will give anything for them. THEN you realise that infact you can't give everything and that you've missed sharing THE most special thing EVER with them and them alone.
You then end up comparing your string of relationships sex wise, you get messed up more, away you go ...

This is precisely why Im waiting, Ive had the opportunity to sleep with other girls but said no. So why dont I sleep with this girl who Im with now and Im going to marry? What difference will waiting till I am married?

I want our wedding night to be special, I want to keep things for then. Plus Im a Christian and Im going to honour what the Bible says. Its the least I can do for what has been done for me!

 

[chucky]

I think a lot of people who dream of this perfect wedding night scenario are going to be very disapointed.

1. It will most likely hurt her like hell

2. It will most likely last about 5 seconds

3. Although it is quite easy, it takes a bit of practice to "get it in"

 

[jezsoup]

Perhaps she isn't as heavily "religious" as you think.

That is what I wanted to say, but Im hesitant as I do not like to judge as its not my place.

It is one of my pet hates (I have a fair few!!!), I dont want you tot hink Im having a go at your girlfriend or judging her Richdog, but it seems like she is pickign and choosing what she wants to abide by which isnt right. I dont doubt the fact that shes a lovely and truely amazing person and all, not for a second. But im just question why she picks and chooses she does and doesnt abide by.

 

[M0KUJ1N]

Now the next trick to really mess with your heads is, that if you consider it logically and objectively from an anthropological point of view, abstinence, marriage and faithfulness were probably pretty good ways of avoiding venereal disease and preventing it spreading, especially in a time when there was no contraceptives and medicine was pretty primitive.

Of course I will leave it as an exercise to the reader to consider whether those contracting these diseases through adultery were victims of viral infections, or whether it was the wrath of God

 

[jezsoup]

Now the next trick to really mess with your heads is, that if you consider it logically and objectively from an anthropological point of view, abstinence, marriage and faithfulness were probably pretty good ways of avoiding venereal disease and preventing it spreading, especially in a time when there was no contraceptives and medicine was pretty primitive.

Of course I will leave it as an exercise to the reader to consider whether those contracting these diseases through adultery were victims of viral infections, or whether it was the wrath of God

Yes abstinance and faithfullness is the best way bar none for avoiding disease. But sex isnt just about the physical act and pleasure. Its the emotional bonding that goes with it. It is the most intimate thing you can do with someone.

And no it wasnt the wrath of God

 

[Richdog]

Perhaps she isn't as heavily "religious" as you think.

Maybe you're in no position to make judgements such as that based on zero experience with the girl i'm with. She's had a christian upbringing, including not going to a "normal" school in order to receive a christian education with their equivalent qualifications. She goes to church regularly (including meetings discussing theology) and believes firmly in Creationalism (to m eternal despair), as do her religious parents.

I hardly think that her having unmarried intimate relations with the man she loves makes her a godless heathen. It may not be advocated in The Bible but it is a choice she made and i'm sure if there is a Jesus he will love her no less for that fault, in light of her wealth of good points, and it certainly doesn't make her a "bad" person.

Now the next trick to really mess with your heads is, that if you consider it logically and objectively from an anthropological point of view, abstinence, marriage and faithfulness were probably pretty good ways of avoiding venereal disease and preventing it spreading, especially in a time when there was no contraceptives and medicine was pretty primitive.

I've always stood by this vew. In the olden days sleeping with someone often meant pregnancy... nowadays it is completely avoidable if you're sensible.

 

[chucky]

Your main problem with this girl isnt having sex, its if you get married and decide to have children.

What way are they brought up, your beliefs or hers?

 

[Cueball]

yestaday i found out that the whole of my girlfriends family have been going to church every sunday for the last 10 years, i personally am finding this hard to adapt to being that i use the occasional religous jokes, i now call them the god squad & just can't help but slip in the jokes.

shes always been to scared of what i'd think if she told me...i really find my self horrid to that thought...

i'm so ashamed i'm just not into it AT ALL...

Does it matter?

I mean, really, does it really, absolutely, positively matter?! Nah, didn't think so.

They want to spend an hour of their week worshipping 'God'. That's their call. Doesn't make them different.

How is it "hard to adapt"? I don't understand.

 

[Richdog]

Your main problem with this girl isnt having sex, its if you get married and decide to have children.

What way are they brought up, your beliefs or hers?

Very very good and interesting question, and one whch would be very hard to answer now. I'l actually ask her that question later as i'm very interested in what her answer would be.

 

[jezsoup]

Maybe you're in no position to make judgements such as that based on zero experience with the girl i'm with. She's had a christian upbringing, including not going to a "normal" school in order to receive a christian education with their equivalent qualifications. She goes to church regularly (including meetings discussing theology) and believes firmly in Creationalism (to m eternal despair), as do her religious parents.

I hardly think that her having unmarried intimate relations with the man she loves makes her a godless heathen. It may not be advocated in The Bible but it is a choice she made and i'm sure if there is a Jesus he will love her no less for that fault, in light of her wealth of good points, and it certainly doesn't make her a "bad" person.



I've always stood by this vew. In the olden days sleeping with someone often meant pregnancy... nowadays it is completely avoidable if you're sensible.

Im sorry but all the upbringing and going to the meetings doesnt make you religious, I cant say if she is or isnt religious, as I said earlier its not my place to judge and i wont do. Im not saying she isnt a Christian, you can be a Christian and sin, hell every single Christian is a sinner!! She soint a godless heathen and anyone who claims she is really needs to examine themselves before banding around judgment like that.

Your right Jesus will love her no less for doing soemthing the Bible says you shouldnt. But he doenst love the sin being commited.

As for your last point see my earlier post, here is more to sex than the pleasure and the baby making, its the emotional bond that grows between two people, it is the most intimate thing you can do.

 

[jezsoup]

Your main problem with this girl isnt having sex, its if you get married and decide to have children.

What way are they brought up, your beliefs or hers?

The thing is as a Christian she shouldnt marry a Christian, the Bible tells us <Christians> we shouldnt be unequally yoked , ie a christian married to a non-christain. It makes sense really, it could (and very often does) so easyly put a hugh strain on a marriage if both people are pulling in different directions.

 

[Richdog]

Im sorry but all the upbringing and going to the meetings doesnt make you religious

What the chuff does it make you then? She has told me she is religious and thats why she goes, her faith is VERY important to her and her family, we have had numerous discussions about it and she made it very clear from the outset.

As for your last point see my earlier post, here is more to sex than the pleasure and the baby making, its the emotional bond that grows between two people, it is the most intimate thing you can do.

Hmm I really hadn't considered that point. Our love-making is just purely carnal, no emotional attachment whatsoever... completely detached. Thank you for the insight I shall try and add a spot of tenderness next time, see if it makes a difference.

The thing is as a Christian she shouldnt marry a Christian, the Bible tells us <Christians> we shouldnt be unequally yoked , ie a christian married to a non-christain. It makes sense really, it could (and very often does) so easyly put a hugh strain on a marriage if both people are pulling in different directions.

I don't think you can help who you love, and I may not be relgious but I respect her religion. It has never once been an issue between us.

 

[Psyk]

When she settles down and gets married to someone she will. Sex, the most intimate part of you. You marry someone you REALLY REALLY love, totally and will give anything for them. THEN you realise that infact you can't give everything and that you've missed sharing THE most special thing EVER with them and them alone.
You then end up comparing your string of relationships sex wise, you get messed up more, away you go ...

What if you wait until your wedding day, and then you find out the most special things in the world didn't really seem all that special?

Judging by the ages of people who don't want sex before marriage, don't you think you're a bit young for marriage? You all seem to be early 20s, which for many people would be too young. How long do you plan on waiting before having sex?

 

[Richdog]

What if you wait until your wedding day, and then you find out the most special things in the world didn't really seem all that special?

Judging by the ages of people who don't want sex before marriage, don't you think you're a bit young for marriage? You all seem to be early 20s, which for many people would be too young. How long do you plan on waiting before having sex?

Indeed, good man. I plan on getting married around 30 when i've built up a stable career and financial foundation. I can't afford to get married yet or support children and neither can she, in todays world it costs a forutune to do things like this and this is why we both still live at home (though my dad is away 5 days a week).

Waiting until marriage would be an unrealistic and incredibly frustrating prospect for both of us, and not beneficial to our relationship from both our points of view. The magic could have worn off by then and our physical edge lost, how on earth would that be beneficial to our relationship?

 

[FirebarUK]

Sorry Richdog, someone had to say it and get that line of tact going. It sounds as though she just hasn't given it enough thought. Perhaps with her first boyfriend or whatever she just did it in a moment of passion then tried to justify it - its not a personal dig against her. I can imagine that as its what I tried to do! Perhaps her first boyfriend pressured her into it. I'm just saying that she shouldn't just give up, although I'm undoubtably talking to the wrong person.

So, she is going out with you and you probably won't become a Christian by the sounds of it (although we don't know this!), where is your future together? And as said, how will you bring up children?

The bible doesn't specifically say don't marry a non-christian, it just says that if you do get married the non-christian should not hold the other down and stop them from growing. It involves a lot of careful thinking!

 

[FirebarUK]

What if you wait until your wedding day, and then you find out the most special things in the world didn't really seem all that special? Judging by the ages of people who don't want sex before marriage, don't you think you're a bit young for marriage? You all seem to be early 20s, which for many people would be too young. How long do you plan on waiting before having sex?

Cmon I know what sex is like the first time. Your missing the point.

Not a bit young in the least! Only up until recent times have things been changing so people got married later.

Look at it this way, you wait until 30 to get married. You then get married, your soon to come down from your physical peak (problems with attraction set in soonish perhaps), you also want to think about kids - you don't want to be too old a father & mother, so you say how about 34. That leaves just 4 years together by yourselves. Kids change everything as we all know.

Perhaps its safe to say Christian's have a different view point on Marriage compared to the majority of society nowadays.

her faith is VERY important to her and her family

It doesn't mean she can't try. No offence to you, but of course you wouldn't like that. Perhaps think whether you are holding her back? I'd eat my hat if it doesn't actually bother her at all.

 

[ChroniC]

Don't be ashamed of your beliefs. As long as you can accept that she believes in religion and she accepts that you don't, it's fine.

If i may ask, without getting my head ripped off

Would you think i was mentally sane, and not a complete idiot: If i believed that a small giraffe created the universe; and worshipped it everyweekend?
Or would you just respect my beliefs, and think i was the same as you?

 

[Pulsedriver]

Why is it even an issue? They are normal folk, not doing anything wrong? If they choose to go to church every week then good luck to them, there is nothing wrong in believing.
Some people do, others dont, it's not for you to judge.

It's immature if you can't get used to it, you spend hours in front of your computer every day, do they joke about you? Most likely not, they are free to do what they want, so are you.

(Im not having a go if thats what it reads like! )

 

[Psyk]

If i may ask, without getting my head ripped off

Would you think i was mentally sane, and not a complete idiot: If i believed that a small giraffe created the universe; and worshipped it everyweekend?
Or would you just respect my beliefs, and think i was the same as you?

I'd think you're a loony but I'd try not to be insulting about it. Just as I think scientologists are loonies.

 

[Richdog]

It doesn't mean she can't try. No offence to you, but of course you wouldn't like that. Perhaps think whether you are holding her back? I'd eat my hat if it doesn't actually bother her at all.

But i've already covered this... it's something she doesn't want to try to resist. She wouldn't like it as much as I wouldn't.