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Self employed people. How do you deal with Wives/Girlfriends?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Orionaut, 20 Feb 2016.

  1. Mr-White

    Capodecina

    Joined: 12 Nov 2002

    Posts: 14,625

    Location: In my own little world

    The trick is to get them to meet ;)

    MW
     
  2. Josh

    Capodecina

    Joined: 23 Oct 2013

    Posts: 10,307

    Location: Surrey

    If he's single he does that enough himself.

    ;)
     
  3. Hamish

    Mobster

    Joined: 14 Apr 2003

    Posts: 4,955

    Location: Deepest Yorkshire

    Well I used to work in IT, and her as a journalist but in 2014 we both quit our jobs and bought a hotel in the Yorkshire Dales!
     
  4. Nix

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Dec 2005

    Posts: 19,841

    You miss the point.

    Boundaries are fine.

    Being totalitarian and uncompromising is not.
     
  5. booyaka

    Capodecina

    Joined: 19 Jan 2006

    Posts: 13,567

    this is generally my thoughts as well and the way I work. Flexible hours, client driven etc which is great for pick up/drop off kids etc etc

    Downside can be that the wife doesn't sometimes understand that just cause I'm at home, I'm not here to do the washing/pick ups/drop offs/shopping/cleaning etc etc all day. I work hard from home, I sometimes just want to get out the house in the evenings for a cycle or gym as I've woke up/worked/eaten in the house for 10/12 hours that day.
     
  6. randomshenans

    Capodecina

    Joined: 11 Sep 2009

    Posts: 12,201

    Location: France, Alsace

    My wife struggled a fair bit, especially when I was away like a third of last year. It's tough when there are 3 kids at home too. I don't think she really "got" it, like why I do it and that it needs to be done etc.
    That is until recently and she's setting up business on her own and has been working all nights and I looked at her when I had a quiet night and was like, oh so you're working all night are you? We always communicate with each other though. That's the main thing.
     
  7. Maccapacca

    Don

    Joined: 13 Apr 2010

    Posts: 17,412

    Location: Sunny Sussex

    Since going self employed my marriage has improved and my relationship with my kids is now excellent. I was a 6am to 7.30pm 5 days a week paye employee now I work mostly from home, pick the kids up from school every Friday without fail and work a few hours a night a few days a week and like this morning the kids were at swimming so I got a bit done.

    All fits in very nicely, my wife is now the paye employee of the household.
     
  8. FISHGUTS

    Hitman

    Joined: 7 Jul 2004

    Posts: 809

    Location: N.W. England

    My other half is generally great.
    She can see the upsides and tbh it means she doesn't have to work much.

    As others have mentioned the flexible time/days off are good, but I also sometimes have to go to work or work at night & on holidays at the most inconvenient times.
    She didn't even moan when I spent most of one holiday in the hotel room on the phone/laptop as it was a project that would guarantee that good holidays would continue & it just happened it had to be sorted at that time.
    She worked for me though so I guess she knew what it would be like.
     
  9. MadMan-JaMeS

    Mobster

    Joined: 15 Mar 2004

    Posts: 3,064

    Location: Oxford

    Sleeping with the staff eh ? haha
     
  10. Tosno

    Mobster

    Joined: 19 Feb 2015

    Posts: 2,942

    Location: Gloucester

    Those with soft boundaries get manipulated and end up as door mats. DND me when I am working unless it's an emergency is sensible, totalitarian or not.
     
  11. Nix

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Dec 2005

    Posts: 19,841

    Being uncompromising in a relationship is tantamount to emotional abuse.

    No one is suggesting you roll over for every want, but refusing to listen to your partner or worse, completely dismissing their concerns in a bid to be 'alpha' is incredibly toxic and unhealthy.

    You reap what you sow.
     
  12. Tosno

    Mobster

    Joined: 19 Feb 2015

    Posts: 2,942

    Location: Gloucester

    Of course you should listen to your business partner. In the case of working from home not being disturbed by your wife/girlfriend with non serious issues is sensible, totalitarian, emotionally abusive, fascist, keanuphobic or not.
     
  13. Swifty55

    Soldato

    Joined: 21 Feb 2006

    Posts: 5,646

    Location: Home

    The wife stays at home and the girlfriends all live in different towns/cities...? :p
     
  14. Dr House

    Capodecina

    Joined: 17 Oct 2002

    Posts: 13,216

    Location: London / Prague

    It really was not easy when I was self employed. I spent over half the year away from my wife and when we where together the phone would go off all the time.

    Ended up divorced, jacked it in now and I'm in paid employment. It was a fun ride but took too much out of me.
     
  15. D.P.

    Caporegime

    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 31,267

    This is a problem for many professionals, not just self-employed. In fact if you are self-employed you have ultimate control over how long you work, that is one of the biggest attractions to set your own work-life balance.

    For people that work a lot here are my hints:
    1) get a GF/wife who is In a similar position with long work weeks. Not only is there mutual understanding but since you are both so busy it's not like she is sat at home at 7pm wondering when you will get home from the office, she'll be sat in her office and you will both enjoy the the time you have together much more, rather than lazing about on the sofa getting drunk watching netflix.
    2) relationships are about compromises, you will have to compromise personal time or work time, and your partner will compromise tighter time. If neither of you are willing to compromise it won't work.
    3) priorities, yes you have to work long and hard but ultimately family comes first.
    4) work-life balance. Yeah,this means different things for professionals and some self-employed vs the 9-5 crowd, but 80hour weeks are not sustainable and not healthy. Finances and career progression are strong driving forces but eventually you will realize time not working is more valuable than time Working. Working 70hours a week for 100k a year vs 40hours a week for 60k, take into account taxes and the latter can seem much more attractive. If you are working insane hours and not getting that compensation (e.g. Some self-employed doing 70-80hour weeks for 20-30k) then WTF, you work insane hours to get insane pay otherwise work at mcdonalds and soon you will be store manager earning more and working less.
     
  16. Lartyconshayo

    Mobster

    Joined: 5 Dec 2010

    Posts: 2,801

    Location: deep space nine

    Quicklime. Patio.
     
  17. Speirs

    Hitman

    Joined: 31 Jan 2008

    Posts: 908

    I employ an illegal to do my work whilst I reap the rewards..........
    LOL.
    Not really but I bet a many do and I suppose that I will get investigated after this post :D

    I don't have a gf which helps in my line of work but if I did then I wouldn't have a gf for the long term.
    I hope that helps
     
    Last edited: 21 Feb 2016