So Its happenened - wife left me.

[!bluetonic!]

Prevention is better than cure. Sort yourself out man. Get it out of your system. Learn from the experience and go better yourself. You'll need a long term plan to clear your debts and you've now got some time to do things for yourself.

With stories like this, i do feel for you, but you're better off doing something to improve yourself and the situation rather than moping. You should be posting 10 things you're going to do to get your life back on track with realistic dates alongside. Then we can all support you.

I used to be sort of jealous of reading specs like:
SD3700+ @ 2.7Ghz, Freezer 64 Pro, 1.5Gb RAM, A8N-SLI, BFG 7800GT@490/1.18, Raptor 36Gb, Maxtor 120Gb SATAx2, Maxtor 80Gb external, Enermax 485w, Audigy2 Platinum eX, LG GSA-4167B, Plextor PX-716A, 3DM01 27741, 03 16836, 05 8028, 06 4048

But then you hear the other side of it all...

 

[Admiral Huddy]

I'm sorry to put the cat amoungst the pidgeons here but the priority is kids welfare above anything.

In time, both of you will get over this and become better people. You will find happiness if that is what you want. But it's sounds like not with this girl.

The kids need all the moral support nd care they can get right now. Money or propety shouldn't be an issue.

for you, there is always counselling and or life coaching. it will help you move on..
http://forums.overclockers.co.uk/editpost.php?do=post&p=6369510

don't feel proud..

 

[manor]

I'm sorry to hear that MeatLoaf.

I went through a similar situation last year, so this is my advice.

Go see a solicitor and see what rights you have regarding the marital home and the children.
You may find that she has the right to live in the marital home (even if the house is in your sole name) because you have children.

Since this is only one example of a possible future, I suggest you start getting your house in order. I know it's upsetting (god knows I went through it all), but you need to find out your rights, so you know where you stand.

Good luck mate, it's damned tough at times, but you can do it.

 

[Morba]

really sorry to hear this, do you have any family close by that can be a shoulder to cry on?
going to be some tough times ahead, you will need some support.

 

[S7rider]

Mate, if everything you did was for her, and her children... and that wasnt good enough, she doesnt deserve you

 

[Kell_ee001]

Mate, if everything you did was for her, and her children... and that wasnt good enough, she doesnt deserve you

Seconded.

I also agree with the guys about seeing a solicitor and finding out where you stand. This is going to be a very tough time but these things often have a way of working out for the best. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

[bfar]

Thats an awful thing to happen. We're all prayin for you. Make sure you eat well, and try to get some sleep - it will help you think straight over the next few days. Have you any other family you can contact?

 

[MeatLoaf]

Seconded.

I also agree with the guys about seeing a solicitor and finding out where you stand. This is going to be a very tough time but these things often have a way of working out for the best. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Well ive already got a sloicitor from the last time she left last year. The diviorce was almost sorted as well but we decided to try again.

Thing is ive got 1 friend who i can turn to but kerry dosent like her and i feel that if i take my friends support it will drive kerry furthur away

My mum and dad live next door but one so theyre close by, but its no substitute to haveing my wife and kids in our house.

Shes rang me and said she picking her stuff up friday. Hopefully before thta happens she will see what a big upheaval its going to be for the kids and decide not to take her stuff and come home.

Thats the only thing keeping me going right now although i know im building myself up for a big big fall.

Im just angry that shes taken the kids away from me again.

I know this sounds bad, but i wouldnt be this upset if kerry had died, at least i would have my kids.

 

[manor]

If she is picking her stuff up on Friday - that gives you nearly a week to pack it all up ready for when she comes to collect it.
Then when she does, you can ask what things she wants to keep at yours for your daughters.
This way you can clear the air with her and (kind of) make it final, but show that you are prepared to be civil for the kids.

Make sure you don't break anything that belongs to her and pack it up good and proper (bubble wrap/newspaper etc).

I did it with my ex - spent two whole days packing her stuff up into boxes and clothes into cases. I cleared the entire house of her belongings.

As for the children. They will want to come and visit you anyway - so the visits will happen in time (unless she desires to go the nasty route).

 

[DiG]

So sorry for you, hope it all works out and we are always here on OcUK, day and night

 

[Kell_ee001]

Thing is ive got 1 friend who i can turn to but kerry dosent like her and i feel that if i take my friends support it will drive kerry furthur away

If she really doesn't like your friend then it will probably "drive her away"... but isn't she away anyway? You have nothing to lose.

If there was hope for this relationship I would suggest finding another outlet, but as things are I think you should do what's best for you now. After all, she is doing what she thinks is best for her without consideration for you.

 

[ScoobyDoo]

Shes rang me and said she picking her stuff up friday. Hopefully before thta happens she will see what a big upheaval its going to be for the kids and decide not to take her stuff and come home.

Thats the only thing keeping me going right now although i know im building myself up for a big big fall.

I know you want to hang onto anything that you can. I did this with my wife she told me that she would think things over, collected only some clothes on one occassion. So I thought things could still get patched up BUT if you keep your hopes up im afraid they could only get dashed time and time again.
I was hanging onto anything but everytime I was let down and it was so painful each time.

As regards debt etc, if your married then its all joint. No matter who's name the agreement is in you both share the debt. So dont take everything on your shoulders.

 

[The_Dark_Side]

Thing is ive got 1 friend who i can turn to but kerry dosent like her and i feel that if i take my friends support it will drive kerry furthur away

it sounds like she's gone anyway mate...the best thing you can do for now is get your own emotional state and frame of mind in order.
your wife will do as she pleases and it appears she's decided to call it a day unfortunately...you can't make her stay if she doesn't want to and bearing in mind she's done it before i think you need to face the reality that things almost certainly won't get back to where they once were.
she's thinking about her future and you should do the same about yours...spend time (and lots of) with friends...have a good cry or ten and let out the disappointment/sense of failure and any other feelings you have.
when you've got yourself back on an even keel i suggest you contact her in a calm polite manner and start to make inroads with the arrangements for the children.if she plays fair then you can at least make the best of a bad situation,if not there are legal steps that can be taken.

 

[28ten]

I know you want to hang onto anything that you can. I did this with my wife she told me that she would think things over, collected only some clothes on one occassion. So I thought things could still get patched up BUT if you keep your hopes up im afraid they could only get dashed time and time again.
I was hanging onto anything but everytime I was let down and it was so painful each time.

This is so true. you must start to accept what has happened and move forwards to life without her.

 

[weeble]

Dude, sorry to hear this - I replied to your other thread.

Look to the future, and now you can be you own person again. You already have 2 of the greatest gifts in life, and they will come and see you, and want too.

If it helps, try and immerse yourself in a hobby. If you have any international friends, now's the time to pay them a visit (helps me clear my head).

I am in a similar boat atm, and trying to sort it out. I know it's hard. (Am thinking of re-estabilshing fathers for justice or something similar).

Chin up, look forward, not back and you are still young dude.

 

[MeatLoaf]

Ive been at my friends house all night. Got back just now. She fed me and we had a good chat and i know im not the only one in this position.

She made me see that even though im not a good looking guy ive got a heart of gold and a super personality.

She says im thick to even think of wanting her back. This is the 3rd time shes gone, and if she does come back no doubt it will happen again.

I just want someone to be there for me and to love me. I know its too soon yet but i really do need the company.

She goes for her 20wk scan in a few weeks and i was really looking forward to seeing our baby again and finding out if its a boy or a girl. But now i wish she wasnt pregnant at all

Im trying to keep my chin up and you guys are a real help to me. Thank you all.

 

[Innesita]

poor thing, don't know what to say...she is really weird as she's taken your kids away from you.you mentioned something about annoying habits, could you tell me what is it in your case?

 

[Innesita]

this is silly to me,all people have got habits. if it was love she would accept all your habits, even those annoying ones dont you think so?

 

[Behemoth]

Well ive already got a sloicitor from the last time she left last year. The diviorce was almost sorted as well but we decided to try again.

Thing is ive got 1 friend who i can turn to but kerry dosent like her and i feel that if i take my friends support it will drive kerry furthur away

My mum and dad live next door but one so theyre close by, but its no substitute to haveing my wife and kids in our house.

Shes rang me and said she picking her stuff up friday. Hopefully before thta happens she will see what a big upheaval its going to be for the kids and decide not to take her stuff and come home.

Thats the only thing keeping me going right now although i know im building myself up for a big big fall.

Im just angry that shes taken the kids away from me again.

I know this sounds bad, but i wouldnt be this upset if kerry had died, at least i would have my kids.

As other's have said, she wants to drive you away, and you do need support, I see no harm is talking to your friend. You can't go through this alone, everybody needs a bit of support every now and then.

I do know how your feeling, having gone through a messy break up with my ex last year, and I'm notlooking to compare the situation either. Just saying that there are many of that feel your pain, and yo are notalone.

Good luck matey, it will all come good in the end, we're all friends here.

 

[Indy500]

Not really much left to say that hasnt been posted already...I offer my condolences in what must be a terrible time. My "situation" pales in comparison, so I guess I cant really pretend to understand yours.