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Sunday Joke Time!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by -westy-, 7 May 2006.

  1. -westy-

    Capodecina

    Joined: 7 Nov 2002

    Posts: 12,316

    Location: UK

    A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye.
    It reads:

    SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
    10 MILES

    He thinks this is a figment of his imagination
    and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another
    sign
    which reads:

    SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
    5 MILES

    Suddenly he begins to realize that these
    signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

    SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
    NEXT RIGHT

    His curiosity gets the best of him and
    he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot
    is a stone building with a small sign next to the door
    reading:

    SISTER OF ST. FRANCIS

    He climbs the steps and rings the bell.
    The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who
    asks,
    "What may we do for you my son?" He answers, "I saw
    your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly
    doing
    business...." "Very well my son. Please follow me."
    He is lead through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please
    knock on
    this door." He does so and another nun in a long habit,
    holding a
    tin cup, answers the door. This nun instructs, "Please
    place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door
    at the
    end of the hallway." He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly
    trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it
    shut
    behind him. The door locks and he finds himself back in the
    parking lot facing another sign:

    GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
    BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
     
  2. RandomTom

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 28 Sep 2004

    Posts: 8,541

    lol, pretty good. :cool:[​IMG]
     
  3. MR_Punk

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 23 Mar 2004

    Posts: 7,913

    Location: Up t'north

    he he - I like it!

    +44
     
  4. Amleto

    Soldato

    Joined: 13 Feb 2003

    Posts: 6,144

    :/
     
  5. zain

    Mobster

    Joined: 4 Jun 2005

    Posts: 3,773

    now thats some good stuff lolhaha
     
  6. chris_r

    Mobster

    Joined: 1 Dec 2003

    Posts: 2,812

    Location: Liverpool

    sorry but, :\
     
  7. MiGSY

    PermaBanned

    Joined: 19 Aug 2004

    Posts: 2,138

    Location: UK

    What happened to the frog that broke down?















































    He got toad away :D


    So bad it actually made me laugh :D
     
  8. Greenlizard0

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 15 Mar 2004

    Posts: 28,189

    Location: Liverpool

    Awful...
     
  9. Enfield

    Soldato

    Joined: 8 Nov 2003

    Posts: 7,396

    Location: Hampshire

    That one actually made me smile though the first one did not.
     
  10. Al Vallario

    Mobster

    Joined: 3 Aug 2005

    Posts: 4,534

    Location: UK

     
  11. Jotun

    Mobster

    Joined: 11 Jun 2005

    Posts: 3,606

    Location: Liverpool

    This chap walks into a pub and to his astonishment, notices that there's a chap stood at the bar who has a huge orange for a head. Despite his curiousity, the chap decides not to pry and sits down quietly.

    After a few drinks, curiosity has overcome the chap and he decides to enquire.

    "Excuse me, mate, but I couldn't help noticing you have a big orange for a head. What happened?"

    "Well," says the man with the big orange for a head, "I moved into a large old house not so long ago. One afternoon, I decided to explore the attic and found an old brass lamp in the corner. I rubbed the lamp and a Genie popped out, explained he had been trapped in there for two hundred years, and would grant me three wishes for releasing him."

    "So what did you ask for first?" asks the curious chap.

    "I asked for ten million pounds. The Genie clapped his hands, there was a flash of lightning, and he asked me to phone the bank, who confirmed my balance was now ten million pounds!"

    "What did you ask for with your second wish?"

    "Well, I asked if I could make love to the ten most beautiful women in the world. Again, the Genie clapped his hands, there was a flash of lightning, and the doorbell rang. Ten supermodels ran in, picked me up, carried me to bed, and ravished me all night!"

    "Wow," says the curious chap, "What did you ask for with your third wish?"

    "Well, I asked for a big orange for a head."
     
  12. Six6siX

    Mobster

    Joined: 25 Nov 2004

    Posts: 4,782

    Location: Hertfordshire

    I actually LOL'd at that. Excellent. :D
     
  13. MaxPower

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 11 Jan 2005

    Posts: 1,053

    Location: Bognor Regis

    I laughed at myself for actually wasting my time reading that so quite a successful joke! :D
     
  14. peteruk

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 27 Jan 2005

    Posts: 1,013

    Location: Nr. Norwich, Norfolk

    Wow suprisingly good. :cool:
     
  15. Big Spender

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 31 Oct 2004

    Posts: 2,317

    Two sausages are cooking in a frying pan.

    One sausage turns to the other and says, "is it hot in here?"

    the other sausage turns and screams, "ARGH! TALKING SAUSAGE!"



    *dont worry, i was already wearing my coat when i wrote it :D
     
  16. KizZ

    Soldato

    Joined: 18 Aug 2005

    Posts: 5,235

    Location: Lincoln

    Rofl. Poor guy :D
     
  17. iSam

    Soldato

    Joined: 12 Aug 2004

    Posts: 6,098

    :/
     
  18. peteruk

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 27 Jan 2005

    Posts: 1,013

    Location: Nr. Norwich, Norfolk

    Great too, but I think I've heard it before in a muffin version.
     
  19. _-J-_

    Hitman

    Joined: 12 Jun 2005

    Posts: 836

    Location: Newcastle

    A bear and a Rabbit are walking in the woods when they come across a magic lamp, they rub it and a genie comes out.

    "I will grant you 3 wishes each" says the genie.
    "Ooo, let me go first" shouts the bear, "I wish all the bears in this forest apart from me, are lady bears"
    "Wish granted, rabbit what is your first wish"
    "I wish for 10,000 carrots" there is a puff of smoke and 10,000 carrots appear.
    "Your second wish Bear", says the genie
    "I wish all the bears in the UK apart from me were lady bears"
    "Wish granted, rabbit your second wish"
    "I wish for a Harley Davidson" another puff of smoke and a Harley Davidson appears.
    "Your last wish bear" says the genie.
    "I wish all the bears in the world apart from me, were lady bears"
    "Wish granted, now rabbit what is your last wish"
    The rabbit points to the bear and says












    "I wish he was gay" :D :D




    Sorry i'll get my coat and the taxi is pre-booked :p
     
    Last edited: 7 May 2006
  20. zain

    Mobster

    Joined: 4 Jun 2005

    Posts: 3,773

    lmfao