Sunday Joke
- Thread starter laissez-faire
- Start date
Tbh i think we need more Elephant jokes. May aswell post the best of the best!
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a pink elephant?
Hold its nose until it turns blue, and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a white elephant?
Tickle it pink, hold its nose until it turns blue, and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a yellow elephant?
Who's ever heard of a yellow elephant?
Why do elephants wear sandals?
So they don't sink in the sand.
Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
To look for elephants who forgot their sandals.
What's the difference between an elephant and a pickle?
Pickles forget.
What's the difference between an elephant and a grape?
Grapes are purple.
What did Jane say when the elephants came over the hill?
"Look, here come the grapes!" (Jane was colorblind.)
What did Tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill?
"Pack your bags, Jane. Here come the elephants!" Tarzan wasn't colorblind.
What did Tarzan say when the elephants wearing sunglasses came over the hill?
Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
What did Tarzan say when the giraffes came over the hill?
"You pesky elephants fooled me before, but not this time!"
How do you hide an elephant?
Paint his toenails red and put him up in an cherry tree.
Did you ever see an elephant in an cherry tree?
It works, doesn't it?
How did Tarzan die?
Picking cherries.
How many elephants fit in a Volkswagen?
Four. Two in the front and two in the back.
How do you put an elephant into a Volkswagen?
Open door, insert the elephant, close door.
How do you put an elephant into the refrigerator?
Open Volkswagen door, remove elephant, close Volkswagen door, open refrigerator door, insert elephant, close refrigerator door.
How do you get a giraffe into the refrigerator?
Open door, remove elephant, insert giraffe, close door.
The lions threw a party and invited all the animals. They all came except for one. Which?
The giraffe. He was still in the refrigerator.
How do you know if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Footprints in the butter.
How do you know if two elephants are in your refrigerator?
Two sets of footprints in the butter.
How do you know if three elephants are in your refrigerator?
You can't get the door closed.
How do you know if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
There's a Volkswagen parked out front.
How do you fit eight elephants into the refrigerator?
Put four in a Volkswagen, four in a second Volkswagen, open the refrigerator door, insert Volkswagens, close refrigerator door. (A fridge big enough to hold four elephants can surely hold two Volkswagens.)
Why are there so many elephants in the jungle?
No one had a refrigerator big enough to hold them all.
How do you know if Tarzan is in your refrigerator?
The air vent goes, "Aiyeee-oyoooooh-oyoooooooooh!"
How do you get two Tarzans in the refrigerator?
There's only one Tarzan, silly.
How many legs does an elephant have?
Four. Two in the front and two in the back.
Why don't elephants make good dancers?
They have two left feet.
What's flat and feathery and half an inch tall?
A duck who tried to teach an elephant how to dance.
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stomp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stomp out flaming ducks. [This was voted the #1 funniest joke in Belgium, by the way]
What did the elephant say when the tiger grabbed his tail?
"Yep, that's the end of me."
What do you find between an elephant's toes?
Slow pygmies.
What do you do if you get eaten by an elephant?
Run around and around until you're pooped out.
How do you know if there's an elephant in your sandwich?
It's too heavy to lift off the plate.
How do you know if there's an elephant hiding under your bed?
Your nose touches the ceiling.
Why are elephants wrinkled?
The last guy to try to iron one didn't make it.
How do you get an elephant into a tree?
Plant acorn, add elephant, wait 50 years.
How do you get an elephant into a tree if you don't have 50 years?
Parachute him onto it.
Why is it not safe to climb trees at 3pm on Wednesday?
Parachute practice.
What's a furry brown alligator?
A bear that wandered into the woods at 3pm on Wednesday.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Elphino. . . .
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
Bloody big holes all over Australia.
What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
Cold ones.
How do you keep an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit card.
Why do elephants have trunks?
Because you can't eat peanuts with a glove compartment.
Why do elephants wear yellow shoes?
So they can hide upside down in the custard.
Ever seen an elephant in the custard?
Of course not.
How can you find out if elephants are in your custard?
That's what the lumps are for.
Why do elephants travel in herds?
To get a wholesale discount on yellow shoes.
What does it mean when you see two elephants in green socks, an elephant in yellow socks, and two more elephants in green socks?
4 out of 5 elephants agree — green socks are better than yellow.
What does it mean when you see three elephants in pink shirts?
They're on the same team.
What do you get when you cross a river with an elephant?
To the other side.
How do you get an elephant out of the river?
Wet.
How do you make an elephant float?
Take 1 elephant, 2 tons of ice cream, and 1 ton of soda. Mix well.
How do elephants find each other in the dark?
Lovely.
How do you know if there's an elephant at the pub?
There's a bicycle parked out front.
How do you know if there are two elephants at the pub?
The bicycle has a dent in the crossbar.
How do you know if there are three elephants at the pub?
Look in the window and count them, stupid.
Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
He was hit by the first elephant.
Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure.
Why did the tree fall over?
It thought it was an elephant.
What do elephants have that humans don't?
Baby elephants.
How do you know the elephants have had a baby?
The stork called in sick with a hernia.
What has 4 legs, a trunk, and flies?
A dead elephant.
How do you bury a dead elephant?
It's a huge undertaking.
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a pink elephant?
Hold its nose until it turns blue, and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a white elephant?
Tickle it pink, hold its nose until it turns blue, and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a yellow elephant?
Who's ever heard of a yellow elephant?
Why do elephants wear sandals?
So they don't sink in the sand.
Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
To look for elephants who forgot their sandals.
What's the difference between an elephant and a pickle?
Pickles forget.
What's the difference between an elephant and a grape?
Grapes are purple.
What did Jane say when the elephants came over the hill?
"Look, here come the grapes!" (Jane was colorblind.)
What did Tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill?
"Pack your bags, Jane. Here come the elephants!" Tarzan wasn't colorblind.
What did Tarzan say when the elephants wearing sunglasses came over the hill?
Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
What did Tarzan say when the giraffes came over the hill?
"You pesky elephants fooled me before, but not this time!"
How do you hide an elephant?
Paint his toenails red and put him up in an cherry tree.
Did you ever see an elephant in an cherry tree?
It works, doesn't it?
How did Tarzan die?
Picking cherries.
How many elephants fit in a Volkswagen?
Four. Two in the front and two in the back.
How do you put an elephant into a Volkswagen?
Open door, insert the elephant, close door.
How do you put an elephant into the refrigerator?
Open Volkswagen door, remove elephant, close Volkswagen door, open refrigerator door, insert elephant, close refrigerator door.
How do you get a giraffe into the refrigerator?
Open door, remove elephant, insert giraffe, close door.
The lions threw a party and invited all the animals. They all came except for one. Which?
The giraffe. He was still in the refrigerator.
How do you know if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Footprints in the butter.
How do you know if two elephants are in your refrigerator?
Two sets of footprints in the butter.
How do you know if three elephants are in your refrigerator?
You can't get the door closed.
How do you know if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
There's a Volkswagen parked out front.
How do you fit eight elephants into the refrigerator?
Put four in a Volkswagen, four in a second Volkswagen, open the refrigerator door, insert Volkswagens, close refrigerator door. (A fridge big enough to hold four elephants can surely hold two Volkswagens.)
Why are there so many elephants in the jungle?
No one had a refrigerator big enough to hold them all.
How do you know if Tarzan is in your refrigerator?
The air vent goes, "Aiyeee-oyoooooh-oyoooooooooh!"
How do you get two Tarzans in the refrigerator?
There's only one Tarzan, silly.
How many legs does an elephant have?
Four. Two in the front and two in the back.
Why don't elephants make good dancers?
They have two left feet.
What's flat and feathery and half an inch tall?
A duck who tried to teach an elephant how to dance.
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stomp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stomp out flaming ducks. [This was voted the #1 funniest joke in Belgium, by the way]
What did the elephant say when the tiger grabbed his tail?
"Yep, that's the end of me."
What do you find between an elephant's toes?
Slow pygmies.
What do you do if you get eaten by an elephant?
Run around and around until you're pooped out.
How do you know if there's an elephant in your sandwich?
It's too heavy to lift off the plate.
How do you know if there's an elephant hiding under your bed?
Your nose touches the ceiling.
Why are elephants wrinkled?
The last guy to try to iron one didn't make it.
How do you get an elephant into a tree?
Plant acorn, add elephant, wait 50 years.
How do you get an elephant into a tree if you don't have 50 years?
Parachute him onto it.
Why is it not safe to climb trees at 3pm on Wednesday?
Parachute practice.
What's a furry brown alligator?
A bear that wandered into the woods at 3pm on Wednesday.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Elphino. . . .
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
Bloody big holes all over Australia.
What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
Cold ones.
How do you keep an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit card.
Why do elephants have trunks?
Because you can't eat peanuts with a glove compartment.
Why do elephants wear yellow shoes?
So they can hide upside down in the custard.
Ever seen an elephant in the custard?
Of course not.
How can you find out if elephants are in your custard?
That's what the lumps are for.
Why do elephants travel in herds?
To get a wholesale discount on yellow shoes.
What does it mean when you see two elephants in green socks, an elephant in yellow socks, and two more elephants in green socks?
4 out of 5 elephants agree — green socks are better than yellow.
What does it mean when you see three elephants in pink shirts?
They're on the same team.
What do you get when you cross a river with an elephant?
To the other side.
How do you get an elephant out of the river?
Wet.
How do you make an elephant float?
Take 1 elephant, 2 tons of ice cream, and 1 ton of soda. Mix well.
How do elephants find each other in the dark?
Lovely.
How do you know if there's an elephant at the pub?
There's a bicycle parked out front.
How do you know if there are two elephants at the pub?
The bicycle has a dent in the crossbar.
How do you know if there are three elephants at the pub?
Look in the window and count them, stupid.
Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
He was hit by the first elephant.
Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure.
Why did the tree fall over?
It thought it was an elephant.
What do elephants have that humans don't?
Baby elephants.
How do you know the elephants have had a baby?
The stork called in sick with a hernia.
What has 4 legs, a trunk, and flies?
A dead elephant.
How do you bury a dead elephant?
It's a huge undertaking.
Soldato
Not me, those jokes are vastly inferior to mine.G-MAN2004 said:Don't worry mate, I'm sure everyone else does aswell
EDIT: Stop re-posting the same elephant jokes.
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Soldato
Oh god make it stop 
Soldato
The Elephant jokes rule.
I demand that every joke thread must be started with them!
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I demand that every joke thread must be started with them!
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Associate
vaultingSlinky said:
Exactly, i get it and its poor
Soldato
G-MAN2004 said:
again lol.
Get that whacked in a sig man!
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Soldato
I'm pants at sigs but what the 'eck!
tbh!
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+44
Soldato
KizZ said:Lol, not bad
The qualities been lost
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Soldato
KizZ said:Heres my go at it:
You kept the quality bravo!
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