Soldato
I think I just lost 2 IQ points for everyone of those elephant jokes I read. I wish I didn't read them all now 
SiriusB
SiriusB
Sunday Joke
- Thread starter laissez-faire
- Start date
Associate
Ex-RoNiN said:Nuke this thread from orbit
its the only way to be sure.....
Soldato
KizZ said:Lol, forgot to put the word "Man" in the previous one
Mwhahaha just noticed that!
+44
Soldato
Ha! No! I read the last five and remembered them from before.G-MAN2004 said:So you did then
How here's some more funnies:
What happens if you cross a kangaroo with a flower?
You get a big, smelly 'roo!
WHat happened when the artist set out to draw pictures of Australian mammals on bathroom fittings?
He did a 'roo in the toilet!
What did the customs official find down the Australian animal smuggler's trousers?
There was a 'roo in his pants!
Soldato
Behemoth said:
Below the belt man!
+44
Consigliere
Well i for one like elephants, plenty of them are at my college too.. i call them elephants anyways.
=|
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Plus-44 said:Below the belt man!
+44
You think thats below the belt, how about this.
An Elephant goes to a nudist beach, gets chatting to a man and then looks him up and down, then pointing to the mans crotch says "How in the hang do you eat with that !"
Behemoth said:You think thats below the belt, how about this.
An Elephant goes to a nudist beach, gets chatting to a man and then looks him up and down, then pointing to the mans crotch says "How in the hang do you eat with that !"
LOL
That's the spirit.Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?
Because the white ones always get dirty.
Why do elephants float in the river upside-down?
To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet.
How do you get an elephant up an oak tree?
Sit it down on an acorn and wait 50 years.
How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree?
Just wait till the leaves start to drop.
Why do ducks have flat feet?
For stamping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
For stamping out flaming ducks.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
For spitting on burning elephants.
How are an elephant and a banana just alike?
They are both yellow . . . . uh . . . . Except for the elephant, of course.
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
Look! A herd of elephants coming over the hill!
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?
Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
Look! A bunch of bananas coming over the hill!
(Jane was color-blind.)
Why do elephants travel in herds?
Because if they traveled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs.
Why do elephants walk on four feet?
Because if they flew, you could never keep your car clean.
Why did the elephant paint the bottom of his feet yellow?
So he could hide upsidedown in a bowl of custard.
(Have you ever seen an elepahnt in your bowl of custard?)
How do you get three elephants in a taxi?
One in the front next to the driver, and two in the back.
How do you know there is an elephant in your house?
There's a taxi outside with two impatient elephants.
How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator?
There's a taxi outside it with two impatient elephants.
And what if you don't notice the taxi?
There are footprints in the butter.
How do you get an elephant into the refrigerator?
Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
How do you get two elephants in the refrigerator?
Open the door, put in the first elephant, then put in the second elephant, then close the door.
How do you get six elephants in the refrigerator?
Put three elephants in a taxi, put three elephants in another taxi, then put the two taxis in the fridge.
Why are there so many elephants running loose in Africa?
Not enough refrigerators.
Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled?
Because if they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirins.
How do you stop an elephant from passing through the eye of a needle?
Tie a knot in its tail.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
He was riding with the chicken.
Why did the elephant cross himself?
The chicken was a bad driver.
After they crossed the road, the chicken and the elephant went to church. Why did the elephant cross himself?
To get to the Other Side.
Because the white ones always get dirty.
Why do elephants float in the river upside-down?
To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet.
How do you get an elephant up an oak tree?
Sit it down on an acorn and wait 50 years.
How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree?
Just wait till the leaves start to drop.
Why do ducks have flat feet?
For stamping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
For stamping out flaming ducks.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
For spitting on burning elephants.
How are an elephant and a banana just alike?
They are both yellow . . . . uh . . . . Except for the elephant, of course.
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
Look! A herd of elephants coming over the hill!
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?
Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
Look! A bunch of bananas coming over the hill!
(Jane was color-blind.)
Why do elephants travel in herds?
Because if they traveled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs.
Why do elephants walk on four feet?
Because if they flew, you could never keep your car clean.
Why did the elephant paint the bottom of his feet yellow?
So he could hide upsidedown in a bowl of custard.
(Have you ever seen an elepahnt in your bowl of custard?)
How do you get three elephants in a taxi?
One in the front next to the driver, and two in the back.
How do you know there is an elephant in your house?
There's a taxi outside with two impatient elephants.
How do you know there is an elephant in your refrigerator?
There's a taxi outside it with two impatient elephants.
And what if you don't notice the taxi?
There are footprints in the butter.
How do you get an elephant into the refrigerator?
Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
How do you get two elephants in the refrigerator?
Open the door, put in the first elephant, then put in the second elephant, then close the door.
How do you get six elephants in the refrigerator?
Put three elephants in a taxi, put three elephants in another taxi, then put the two taxis in the fridge.
Why are there so many elephants running loose in Africa?
Not enough refrigerators.
Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled?
Because if they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirins.
How do you stop an elephant from passing through the eye of a needle?
Tie a knot in its tail.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
He was riding with the chicken.
Why did the elephant cross himself?
The chicken was a bad driver.
After they crossed the road, the chicken and the elephant went to church. Why did the elephant cross himself?
To get to the Other Side.
Soldato
They've already been posted
a man goes into a bar and asks for a pint of stella and a packet of helicopter crisps
deciding that he must be dealing with a nutter the barman decides to humour him and says
"sorry i just sold the last packet of helicopter crisps, will plain do?"
i'll get my coat
deciding that he must be dealing with a nutter the barman decides to humour him and says
"sorry i just sold the last packet of helicopter crisps, will plain do?"
i'll get my coat
secretspy said:a man goes into a bar and asks for a pint of stella and a packet of helicopter crisps
deciding that he must be dealing with a nutter the barman decides to humour him and says
"sorry i just sold the last packet of helicopter crisps, will plain do?"
i'll get my coat
Last edited:
Soldato
Excellent.. The floor is mine! Mwahahaha!G-MAN2004 said:Sadly no more Elephant jokes have been invented, sorry.
Why did the dessert-eating man burn his mouth?
He got his CUSTARD powder confused with MUSTARD powder.
Why did the other dessert-eating man burn his mouth?
He got his DESSERT confused with a DESERT, and tried to eat the desert, and, unfortunately, the sand was very hot.
monkeypants said:
Do you know, thats really bad !!
Here's one for you
Three surgeons are sitting round having a chat, the conversation soon turns to what they're favorite patient is to operate on, the first one says
"I like to operate on Math teachers, when you open them all up they are all numbered, you can't go wrong"
The second one adds
"I like to operate on electricians, they are all color coded, can't go wrong with that"
The third one says
"I like to operate on Pliticians"
The other two look at him oddly before asking
"Why do you enjoy operating on them ?"
To which he replies
"Easy, they are heartless, spinless, they have no stomach for anything, and their brains and their ass are fully interchangeable"
Soldato
G-MAN2004 said:Sadly no more Elephant jokes have been invented, sorry.
I go out for a few hours come back to find out my lifes been ruined
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