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Talking about her ex - why does it upset me?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by qwerty, 27 Mar 2006.

  1. qwerty

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 27 Jul 2005

    Posts: 2,351

    Firstly is it just me or do all guys get a bit upset/feel weird when your girl talks about her ex?

    And why do they always want to stay friends? To me that just stinks of 'I want to stay in his good books in case it goes **** up with you'. Like some sort of insurance policy.

    Anyway, I got upset about it last night, but being a guy I couldn't tell her how I was really feeling and now I just feel stupid and like I've messed up when I haven't.

    I need a hug :(
     
  2. Gilly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 17 Oct 2002

    Posts: 95,526

    Location: I'm back baby!

    Firstly this is not just a guy thing. It affects women worse than fellas IME.

    Some people don't like having anything at all to do with their exes. Some keep them at a safe distance as they sometimes come in useful for innocent stuff and some like keeping them fairly close for not so innocent stuff. Its the individual that dictates which of these it is, not the situation. You can't just attack someone for the latter of the 3 for staying on the good side of their ex.

    You know that you can talk to your bird about your feelings, right? Thats allowed, and its not gay.

    I of course, being a bot, don't have feelings.
     
  3. Zip

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Jun 2005

    Posts: 20,224

    Location: Australia

    **BIG OCUK HUG**

    Just because you have a willy doesnt mean you cant tell her how you feel.
    It is un nerving to hear about people that have been there before you. Try talking top her about it :)
     
  4. stig

    Gangster

    Joined: 30 Aug 2005

    Posts: 396

    Location: The M of K

    hey
    yeh i know what you mean my gf still talks to her ex on msn and it really does sometimes make me feel as though im just to make her ex jelous but she insists im not. its best to just tell her

    *S
     
  5. MR_Punk

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 23 Mar 2004

    Posts: 7,949

    Location: Up t'north

    If you trust her there shouldnt be a problem, but most of us have been bitten mate, just tell her about it, remember you will mean alot more to her than her ex!

    +44
     
  6. Pebbles

    Mobster

    Joined: 4 Oct 2004

    Posts: 2,854

    Location: In my happy place

    I get on fine with my ex 99% of the time. He's my kids dad, we were together for 15 years and he's a very good friend again. But he's no 'threat' to relationships with other people.
     
  7. FeFiDoh

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 17 Aug 2005

    Posts: 7,595

    Location: Swindon

    Its annoying when ex's come up in convos. Mine was reaaaaaaally bad yet the gf now brings her up in convos and people are always telling me *** shes doing now etc... i hate it and couldnt care less.

    Be worried when she calls u by her ex's name and makes up an a story bout it being some 1 else :rolleyes:
     
  8. elkdanger

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 11 Mar 2003

    Posts: 1,328

    Location: North Shields

    When I met my current girlfriend she was still feeling the effects of her previous, and long relationship with her ex. She'd seen a few guys in between him and myself, all one night stands.

    None of this bothers me (now, it kind of did at the start) because she talked in depth about why she did it and how she felt, and I trust her completely. There's a reason that everyone leaves their exs behind, whether they sever completely or remain friends. But just because they remain friends doesn't mean they are looking to get back together, and I would and suggest you're overanalysing and getting the wrong end of the stick by imagining it's some kind of insurance policy. People need their friends aswell as their loved ones, and sometimes they are one in the same.

    I think you have to tell her how you feel. If you can't do that then I fear you will have problems that go deeper than simply the issue of your girl remaining friends with her ex.
     
  9. _Jimlad_

    Capodecina

    Joined: 5 Jun 2005

    Posts: 19,574

    Location: Southampton

    hmmm you kind of hit the nail on the head (for once ;) )

    it's a tough one, i find it depends on who you are with, i hated my last bird talking about her ex' she even once said he looked like Jonny Depp!!! :eek: that made me feel great inside, my present chick sometimes talks about her x, but i know she 'digs' me so it's not a problem
     
  10. Dinomania

    Mobster

    Joined: 21 Apr 2003

    Posts: 4,328

    I wouldn't have minded having my ex as a friend, but I think he was so hurt he decided never to talk to me again. I didn't cheat, it was just a long drawn-out break-up.

    The annoying thing was that he kept in contact with my friends, sending them emails, telling them he couldn't care less about what was happening to me, etc etc. Really odd. At one point they heard from him more than they did me, it felt like he had stolen my friends! That was annoying.

    Nyah well, bygones. He was a bit of a fibbing know-it-all anyway.

    Bizarrely as soon as I broke up with him, I felt 'free' to get back in touch with the ex before him. We talk occasionally, he's on my MSN list now. I was only 15/16 when I went out with him and things have changed dramatically so it's not like he's a reserve now, lol!

    It takes two to tango, even if she's keeping the ex as a friend, who says he wants her?


    EDIT: Once, a few months in with my current boyfriend, he told me about this one night stand that could have been so good a year or two previous, that he passed up. I wondered why the hell I would ever want to know about that, and told him so.
     
  11. Matblack

    Capodecina

    Joined: 23 Jan 2004

    Posts: 15,628

    Location: On my Boat, Drinking

    You're not Australian surely?
    I thought you lot were genetically coded to be manly?

    MB
     
  12. Zip

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Jun 2005

    Posts: 20,224

    Location: Australia

    I am Australian, most my close friends are girls and im not gay :D
    Im a rare find :p
     
  13. Dup

    Capodecina

    Joined: 10 Mar 2006

    Posts: 10,325

    Location: East Lancs

    My current girlfriend followed on from my ex who decided she liked girls and cut me off.

    When I met my currnt gf that was my first one night stand and I thought i'd never see her again. I didn't want nothing to do with her as I lost trust with anyone from my last gf. We got together but I was very insecure about it as shes a very intimate girl so to speak. Shes younger than me and had more one night partners than my mother, yet shes the sweetest thing ever.

    I kept finding out about this guy and that guy, mostly older guys too but I couldn't stop asking about them for some reason, even though I hated knowing.

    It's taken me 8 months to get over that and the last 7 months after that have been awesome and we're moving in together soon.

    It's all about trust and insecurities. Sometimes you need to talk about exs etc, bad and good ones. If you can talk about that together without an issue then you're good for each other. Thats not always the case with some, some people don't like the feeling of someone else, past nor present as it dosen't feel special.

    Personally, It's too much heartache to bother worrying about unless you really distrust your partner.
     
  14. AthlonTom

    Banned

    Joined: 22 Oct 2004

    Posts: 1,884

    Meh I always talk with my gf's about ex's, I have too because I hate parting on bad company and like to remain friends, so I explain this to any current gf.
     
  15. benneh

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 9 Apr 2004

    Posts: 9,170

    Location: Nr. brumijum

    In reality though, you simply need to ask her who has the biggest willy. Should sort a lot of it out.
     
  16. Gilly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 17 Oct 2002

    Posts: 95,526

    Location: I'm back baby!

    Aye. Might break them up though :p
     
  17. Nix

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Dec 2005

    Posts: 19,841

    Man in the know? :p
     
  18. Gilly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 17 Oct 2002

    Posts: 95,526

    Location: I'm back baby!

    I might've been the ex :D`
     
  19. Nix

    Capodecina

    Joined: 26 Dec 2005

    Posts: 19,841

    :D
     
  20. Wryel

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 26 Mar 2005

    Posts: 1,663

    Don't touch me.

    Seriously though, its perfectly natural. It'll always happen until you get your heart wrenched out and you can never love again and spend your nights crying into the pillow.

    I need a hug.