Old Turkey said:
You may not like what I am about to say but I am going to say it anyway. The root of all this is insecurity.
Why do men (and women) in general view 'their' partner as 'their' own possession? Even the simple statement "my girlfriend" presupposes that she belongs to you! The things that we own we guard jealously from thieves who creep about in the Night.
This is why peope in general are so suspicious of friends of 'their' partners and their ex's.
But the truth is, I am only a possession to one person and that is myself. I do not belong to anyone and I own no one. You cannot have me. If you can just LET GO of being possessive of objects, circumstances and people, then all of the fears you harbour will disappear.
The day you can let go of being possessive is the day when everything changes. So what if your girlfriend is friends with her ex, or has friends who fancy her? I mean so what? If she left you, would you die? Do you need her to live? Is she that flipping fantastic that she represents the center of the Universe and the meaning of life itself?
Everything in life, as far as I am concerned is fleeting, absolutely everything.
haha. nail on the head as far as i'm concerned.
i've been so possesive with my girlfriends in the past, wanting to know where they are all the time and getting upset when a male's name is mentioned, but i'm trying something new now. i've realised that each time i
thought i needed the girl i was with, i was gravely mistaken. my girlfriend is not mine, she belongs to herself and she can make her own decisions, talk about whatever she wants and it wont upset me (unless she's talking about the pathetic girth of my penis, that gets me a bit upset) we talk about our ex's, because things happened with those people that made us who we are today.
at the end of it all, who's she with now? will you be together in 20 years? maybe. why ruin the time you have together now worrying about her ex and what she says about him? all you're going to do is drive her away because she's supposed to be able to talk to you about anything and she cant. if she's thinking something, the first person she should be able to talk to is you, if you're serious about her.