Nothing off the top of my head, it wasn't just the numbers that resonated with me.
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**The Mental Health Thread**
- Thread starter Gabbatek
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- mental health
ive thought long and hard about that and in reality there isnt really a lot i want anyways.
id love a 50% share in equity but know that its not feasable without significant disruption by her selling (unless her parents chpiped in)
but apart from that we only have joint bills which comes out of the joint account which are all house releated except things like her phone bill, her car, her car insurance and credit card in her name.
my phone bills is from my account, ny car insurance is paid for the year, i pay a loan whivch was for joint things which im happy to continue to pay, i have a credit card which i pay.
from the conversation we had last night she didnt seem to concerened about me contributing to things if it was to get to that.
You are bending over backwards for your wife but it won't help. She's already reached her decision. She's a grown woman who wants to be single, let her do these things herself.
Well, all you can do now is go to the couple therapy thing and see what happens. I doubt she will be forthcoming and actually try. She will probably just go and then turn round to you and say "I tried,its not working" etc but at least you can save your money and work on moving on as single people and coming to fair arrangements for the kids.
Hopefully im wrong and she actually wants to work through it with professional help Joel
Well, all you can do now is go to the couple therapy thing and see what happens. I doubt she will be forthcoming and actually try. She will probably just go and then turn round to you and say "I tried,its not working" etc but at least you can save your money and work on moving on as single people and coming to fair arrangements for the kids.
Hopefully im wrong and she actually wants to work through it with professional help Joel
Soldato
If you've been part of her family for the last 14 years and very close have you talked to her parents about it for any insights as to the behaviour changes or what the issue might be? She might have opened up to her parents, if not you could raise your concerns with them that you're trying to get her help but she doesn't seem that interested. You're trying to seek help and as her parents are involved with the kids I think it's only fair the parents are made aware there is a situation.
im trying to look at it in a good light, shes not a vindictive or horrible person. im open to the idea she will give it her best shot whether it works or not. but unless we try then we havent explored all the options.
mother in law has been amazing through it all and was the first person i spoke to about this. shes been very impartial and helped me a lot. my wife can push people away though so understably mother in law doesnt want to be in the middle of it so ive stopped talking to her about thing and ultimately blood is thicker than water. but when we did talk then she said my wife hadnt spoken to her about it all much. (my thoughts is that she was seeking advice from friends)
Soldato
*Not offering advice from personal experience so spoon full of salt required*
Well, lawyer up then. Sad to say but she will throughout rinse you if you're unprepared, and will still try if you are. She'll be advised how to maximize her gain from the split, make no mistake. Writing is on the wall... Feel for you @joelk2, good luck
Well, lawyer up then. Sad to say but she will throughout rinse you if you're unprepared, and will still try if you are. She'll be advised how to maximize her gain from the split, make no mistake. Writing is on the wall... Feel for you @joelk2, good luck
cheers, will keep the thread updated. im sure she wont do this. not really got anything she can rinse me off anyways.
im confident this will go smoothly. i feel like ive taken over this thread somewhat so will back out a bit now.
sometimes you can give someone the world and its not enough.
emotionally i dont have a lot left in me, i am drained.
i keep being told there is light at the end of the tunnel in both eventualities. im just hoping it swings the way i so want i to.
a man much wiser than me once said "life is a rollercoaster" i have certainly felt this and feel for all the guys posted before me who have your own demons to battle.
Consigliere
Hi,
Looking for guidance on contacts for a family member who has been recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. He is using Mind but I wanted to see if there was anyone else on here that has been diagnosed with it or knows someone who has?
I do not want to go into specific details but there are serious concerns about the person's mental health and well being to the point it may be suicidal.
I am checking the other contacts they are using but wanted to check here also to see if there is first hand experience.
Thanks
Looking for guidance on contacts for a family member who has been recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. He is using Mind but I wanted to see if there was anyone else on here that has been diagnosed with it or knows someone who has?
I do not want to go into specific details but there are serious concerns about the person's mental health and well being to the point it may be suicidal.
I am checking the other contacts they are using but wanted to check here also to see if there is first hand experience.
Thanks
Joel don't be naive. No one is passing judgement on your partner for wanting to end things but you better be prepared for things to go south. It's par for the course in the majority of cases and it becomes everyone for themselves. Just get legal advice now. She will take you for as much as she can, that is what she will be advised to do. Good luck.
Soldato
TBF I find this forum has an oddly high incidence of this attitude. Maybe because the forum is 99% men so obviously those are the parents this happens to in most cases, when kids stay with the mum primarily.
That said I can name plenty of friends and acquaintances with a healthy family setup, where the parents separated. I certainly don't believe that the mother is always the one to cause problems or instigate unfair treatment either.
It makes sense to cover your **** a bit Joel, but that doesn't mean you have to be paranoid or stop being optimistic. Call it cautious optimism.
Soldato
Asked my girlfriend (diagnosed with BPD):
She actually was diagnosed at 18/19 and no one told her at the time. She was around 25 when in a psychiatric assessment the doctor asked her about it and she was pretty shocked. Especially because it seems BPD can be a bit of a "label". People seem to make assumptions about it or be wary of it as a diagnosis, sadly. Girlfriend describes it as "feeling like a teenager forever"
I agree but i think Joel, initially at least, believed that if the split happens then everything will be done nice and fairly but it won't which is true in the vast majority of these cases. A lawyer will help keep him level headed.
fair i dont think would come into it anyways, i dont think 50/50 is very common these days.
but fair for the children is the main goal. i would give up everything for them to be settled and not disrupted. they are what i live for.
the collaborative legal way looks the best in my eyes. i have nothing of value that the wife would want and i fully believe we could sort every thing out ourselves. she knows how much the children adore me and what to be with me so making things akward wouldnt be in their best interest.
like i menitoned i have a friend who has gone through this and they have managed to stay friendly and keep eveything nice ofr the childrens sake.
i sitll have hope.
Consigliere
Asked my girlfriend (diagnosed with BPD):
She actually was diagnosed at 18/19 and no one told her at the time. She was around 25 when in a psychiatric assessment the doctor asked her about it and she was pretty shocked. Especially because it seems BPD can be a bit of a "label". People seem to make assumptions about it or be wary of it as a diagnosis, sadly. Girlfriend describes it as "feeling like a teenager forever"
Okay thank you
Caporegime
I’m at the point of binning GPs off, they’re woefully inadequate in dealing with mental health. I could list the numerous problems I’ve had over the past 12 months with GPs putting me in hospital, not putting prescriptions through, ignoring symptoms etc but I would literally be here all day.
Had a call with my GP this morning and I think that’s the last straw. Put it this way I had to explain to him what I meant by “abdomen” because in his mind an ECG would rule out any problems in the stomach. I’m not making that up either. This is also the same guy that uses words like “well, you’d be dead already if it was serious” as if that’s any sort of comfort or consolation.
Pretty sure I’m going to handle it myself as the NHS has done absolutely nothing to help me, if anything I’m worse now than I’ve ever been given the cocktail of drugs they’ve tried me on.
Frustrated, angry, irritated, demoralised are all words that spring to mind right now with hope rapidly failing.
Had a call with my GP this morning and I think that’s the last straw. Put it this way I had to explain to him what I meant by “abdomen” because in his mind an ECG would rule out any problems in the stomach. I’m not making that up either. This is also the same guy that uses words like “well, you’d be dead already if it was serious” as if that’s any sort of comfort or consolation.
Pretty sure I’m going to handle it myself as the NHS has done absolutely nothing to help me, if anything I’m worse now than I’ve ever been given the cocktail of drugs they’ve tried me on.
Frustrated, angry, irritated, demoralised are all words that spring to mind right now with hope rapidly failing.
Soldato
How do you handle it yourself?
Have you tried a different GP? You don't have to stick to the same one and they certainly aren't all the same.
Caporegime
Valium
This is the second GP practice since I’ve been ill, so it’s clear to me I’m too problematic for them to deal with. When I say problematic I mean my symptoms, I’ve done absolutely everything they’ve asked of me, be it CBT, seeing psychiatrists, tests, everything to the letter. They just aren’t capable of helping me, I could change practice again but I see little point.
Soldato
Have you got an IAPT you can go straight to? It sounds like the docs have given you the same treatment but I also try to avoid GPs for mental health stuff.