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**The Mental Health Thread**
- Thread starter Gabbatek
- Start date
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- Tags
- mental health
Soldato
Would be quite content with just lying face down and melting away right now TBH.
Just completely dissatisfied with life and can't shake off the feeling that I don't want any of it, but can't change anything either.
A lot of it is just my headspace and I know it will improve, but honestly the things I'm unhappy with ARE problems. So just waiting until I feel less hopeless doesn't actually make them go away, it just stops me wanting to set fire to the house or push people away.
Just completely dissatisfied with life and can't shake off the feeling that I don't want any of it, but can't change anything either.
A lot of it is just my headspace and I know it will improve, but honestly the things I'm unhappy with ARE problems. So just waiting until I feel less hopeless doesn't actually make them go away, it just stops me wanting to set fire to the house or push people away.
Soldato
What are you unhappy with @LuckyBenski? What are your options?
Soldato
- Tired of sharing my house, I don't find it stimulating / satisfying / comfortable to live with a stranger and have almost zero interaction with them
- Tired of my house being in a state - this is partly down to bad habits, partly down to lack of motivation due to depression, but largely down to the living situation. I want to improve my bad habits but it's a big house and having a partner and a housemate who don't clean at all is demotivating.
- Not sure I'm suited to living with a partner/other humans. I want things a certain way more and more as I get older, and instead I compromise more and more. I love my girlfriend but I don't know if she will change her habits and I don't know if I will learn enough tolerance.
I'm simultaneously quite agoraphobic / a general shut-in, and feeling trapped here. I'm fixated on having a place of my own in order to steer my life/lifestyle. But obsessing over something I can't have is not healthy, and will lead to unhappiness. I should instead be trying to adjust my outlook and coping skills.
The long term goal is to buy my own place but it's just not viable yet, and in the interim we may move in with my girlfriend's brother. This does not seem like an improvement to me, just a lateral shift.
I think I just want to have a box of my own, and live in the box and shut everyone out. And if I'm unhappy, so be it, at least I have things my way. I am a grumpy **** after all!
I've spent a lot of time living alone and while I do enjoy my own company, I definitely prefer having a lodger. The secret is getting someone else in who is on your wavelength, is chilled and is tidy. No drama, someone to chat to and watch the odd film with, and it's a good excuse to go out for a pint and socialise. If you get on well with your GF's brother and have things in common it could work out well!
My situation is different but I doubt I would ever let a romantic partner move in now (if that situation arises again).
As much as other people can irritate me sometimes, I know it's not healthy to withdraw completely and I'd really advise against it. Sounds like you're sinking in the mire and need to pull yourself out of it a bit tbh - trust me it'll only create a negative feedback loop.
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Soldato
I am a bit of a clean freak too so I really know how you feel! @LuckyBenski. My wife (GF at the time) announced she was moving in to my house when I was 27. I found it really hard as she was quite messy, especially when cooking. She worked in London and had a 2 hour commute each way so she didn't really have the time to do any chores. Anyway, over time I let my standards slip and funnily enough my wife is a mega clean freak now. I think she was just used to someone else clearing up after her all the time and when I stopped she didn't like the house being in a mess. We both look after our new house so its a good win for me.
I think when you do get your own place it will all be worth it. Just keep that thought in the forefront of your mind!
I think when you do get your own place it will all be worth it. Just keep that thought in the forefront of your mind!
Soldato
Yes, I've had great housemates in the past and some are still mates 10 years later. This house just seems to breed isolation - doesn't help there's no living room. So there's minimal social space and maximum "someone has left a mess in the kitchen" moments.
It's tricky - I'm not even the cleanest person, and I'm certainly messy (strong contrast between dirt and mess for me). So I feel bad complaining when I've got mess of my own, but literally I'm the only one who's hoovered in 2 years.
Really am just hoping it all gets better once I find my own place. I just would like to start improving things now and it feels very difficult with two other people as... Kind of anchors? Inertia is the feeling.
It's tricky - I'm not even the cleanest person, and I'm certainly messy (strong contrast between dirt and mess for me). So I feel bad complaining when I've got mess of my own, but literally I'm the only one who's hoovered in 2 years.
100% aware of this, that's the concern. I know it's a slippery slope and I'd be going down the road to a much darker place. And yet I still want to! It feels like a very final **** you, **** off, I'm fed up now sort of feeling. I did say I was a grumpy ****As much as other people can irritate me sometimes, I know it's not healthy to withdraw completely and I'd really advise against it. Sounds like you're sinking in the mire and need to pull yourself out of it a bit tbh - trust me it'll only create a negative feedback loop.
Yeah, definitely relate to this. To be fair she does 90% of the cooking, so I ought to at least be doing most of the washing up. I just would prefer a more even distribution, me doing more cooking and her cleaning more. I'd rather be a team, than be pigeonholed. When I met her she was incredibly neat and even made some offensive comments about my house. But once she moved in it was downhill all the way, to a scary level. There's mental health stuff for her too TBF, she's on some heavy medication and has her own issues around lifestyle habits, working from home etc.
Really am just hoping it all gets better once I find my own place. I just would like to start improving things now and it feels very difficult with two other people as... Kind of anchors? Inertia is the feeling.
Caporegime
100% aware of this, that's the concern. I know it's a slippery slope and I'd be going down the road to a much darker place. And yet I still want to! It feels like a very final **** you, **** off, I'm fed up now sort of feeling. I did say I was a grumpy ****
I can relate to this feeling entirely, for me I'd add in an element of destruction as well as I truly want to hurt those that have hurt me in the past. Glad no one has a wire tap to my brain as I'd be locked up, 100%.
Edit: To clarify on the above, I didn't mean to try and sound like im some sort of bad ass, I don't like these feelings and would rather not think that way. I think my fear and frustration at anxiety is spilling over into anger. Im certainly not proud of it, or the thoughts, but at least I'm currently able to keep a lid on it.
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Update on the vit D3 effects:
A new (odd) side effect for the last 5 days has been higher libido and sperm production - too much. Will be reducing to 1000 iu a day to get rid of this side-effect and see if the other, stress-reducing, effects I found earlier hold.
Edit. What is still very useful is its anti-inflammatory effects, since I get allergic reactions from nsaids to the point I'd almost given up hope on reducing RA inflammation.
A new (odd) side effect for the last 5 days has been higher libido and sperm production - too much. Will be reducing to 1000 iu a day to get rid of this side-effect and see if the other, stress-reducing, effects I found earlier hold.
Edit. What is still very useful is its anti-inflammatory effects, since I get allergic reactions from nsaids to the point I'd almost given up hope on reducing RA inflammation.
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Associate
- Joined
- 20 Mar 2014
- Posts
- 2,361
I'm hopeless at cleaning up too due to my illness. I'm considering getting a cleaner.
Soldato
I suffer with anxiety and it has skyrocketed lately. 
I dont get much sleep either as insomnia crept in many months ago!
I dont get much sleep either as insomnia crept in many months ago!
Associate
Hi all
I don't really know the best place to post this, but hoping this is a good place to get some insight, and maybe some advice that could help me.
I feel like my life is in such a mess right now, and I have a few different feelings about whats going on, but I just can't be bothered any more, I feel as though I am completely burnt out, and I have no energy to keep going on, and doing things the way I have been doing them, but also feel lost and don't really know what to do. I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere in life and I just want to stay home, do things at my own leisure, and not have to worry about anything.
I've always struggled with anxiety and hidden depression (although not officially diagnosed, online tests confirm what I believe).
Anyway, about 2 years ago, I moved out of my parents home to Bristol, about 2 hours drive away from where my parents live.
I moved with my partner who wanted to stay in the area after she finished uni, get a job and start a new life together. We had a 4 person house share and we were doing fine, my partner was job seeking, and I started a new job. While working in my new job, I met someone who told me about a college course he was starting soon as he wanted to do something with his life, fair play to him, long story but I had planned 10 years prior to go back to college after I had completed 2 courses and go back to do an electrical course. Hearing my colleague do this and all the info he gave me got me interested and so last year, I enrolled to go back to college, better late than never I suppose, but for the first time in my life I was making a plan to better myself and do something that I found interesting.
So in September of last year, I started the course which went really well, then fast forward to march, we are on lockdown.
We have just started back and will be finished all being well in November, which is good.
But, now here's the issues.
Firstly, Bristol never felt right, it wasn't home, and the city life really isn't for me, but I was giving it a good go and trying to make the best of the situation.
So, our house share contract was coming up for renewal in June, now the other 3 (including my partner) were students, 2 had finished, the other, (well thats a long story) but none of them had any income, and with being on lockdown, businesses closed, we had to make a serious decision, which we decided it was best to all move back home.
I couldn't, and still can't afford to live by myself, so moved back home, and my job have been helpful in allowing me to rearrange things within the business and allow me to commute, also while allowing me to use the company vehicles.
I work 6 days a week which is such a killer, probably part of the reason why I'm so run down, but also I felt like this while I was in Bristol, but I have a 2 hour commute to Bristol in the morning, then with what I do, an hour commute home from Weymouth in the afternoon.
Now, I am up for promotion at work, but that means an hour longer day at work, which is 10 hours, and alternate Saturdays, I don't know if I am too fussed, but if I'm going to be there, I may aswell make the most of it, but before lockdown came I had registered my interested in the level 3 course, which now starts in January, problem is, I don't particularly like the job, I really don't have a life, or time for anything, I want to be at home, closer to my parents, friends and it will allow me to sort my finances out, and for my partner to try find work aswell while back with her parents.
I have looked at local colleges back home, the closest college at around half an hour away doesn't offer the course, the next 2 further out also don't offer the course, so If I am going to continue this route within the electrical field, I need to just stay put, but I just want to be at home and I'm just stuck in the middle of what is best to do.
I am due to move back shortly and rent a spareroom off somebody, which is still a working progress, and with the promotion, it should help financially.
But, I am so tired and burnt out, and fed up of not having any time to do any of the things that I want to do.
I can't fully explain how I feel, but I just can't be bothered anymore, (and I hope that doesn't come across as being suicidal, because its not meant to) I feel lost, and with all the impending doom because of the future we face, what is the point in doing anything?
Can anyone relate, has anyone faced anything similar and can offer any advice, I feel so stuck in a rut right now and I really don't know what to do, or have the energy to do anything anymore.
I don't really know the best place to post this, but hoping this is a good place to get some insight, and maybe some advice that could help me.
I feel like my life is in such a mess right now, and I have a few different feelings about whats going on, but I just can't be bothered any more, I feel as though I am completely burnt out, and I have no energy to keep going on, and doing things the way I have been doing them, but also feel lost and don't really know what to do. I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere in life and I just want to stay home, do things at my own leisure, and not have to worry about anything.
I've always struggled with anxiety and hidden depression (although not officially diagnosed, online tests confirm what I believe).
Anyway, about 2 years ago, I moved out of my parents home to Bristol, about 2 hours drive away from where my parents live.
I moved with my partner who wanted to stay in the area after she finished uni, get a job and start a new life together. We had a 4 person house share and we were doing fine, my partner was job seeking, and I started a new job. While working in my new job, I met someone who told me about a college course he was starting soon as he wanted to do something with his life, fair play to him, long story but I had planned 10 years prior to go back to college after I had completed 2 courses and go back to do an electrical course. Hearing my colleague do this and all the info he gave me got me interested and so last year, I enrolled to go back to college, better late than never I suppose, but for the first time in my life I was making a plan to better myself and do something that I found interesting.
So in September of last year, I started the course which went really well, then fast forward to march, we are on lockdown.
We have just started back and will be finished all being well in November, which is good.
But, now here's the issues.
Firstly, Bristol never felt right, it wasn't home, and the city life really isn't for me, but I was giving it a good go and trying to make the best of the situation.
So, our house share contract was coming up for renewal in June, now the other 3 (including my partner) were students, 2 had finished, the other, (well thats a long story) but none of them had any income, and with being on lockdown, businesses closed, we had to make a serious decision, which we decided it was best to all move back home.
I couldn't, and still can't afford to live by myself, so moved back home, and my job have been helpful in allowing me to rearrange things within the business and allow me to commute, also while allowing me to use the company vehicles.
I work 6 days a week which is such a killer, probably part of the reason why I'm so run down, but also I felt like this while I was in Bristol, but I have a 2 hour commute to Bristol in the morning, then with what I do, an hour commute home from Weymouth in the afternoon.
Now, I am up for promotion at work, but that means an hour longer day at work, which is 10 hours, and alternate Saturdays, I don't know if I am too fussed, but if I'm going to be there, I may aswell make the most of it, but before lockdown came I had registered my interested in the level 3 course, which now starts in January, problem is, I don't particularly like the job, I really don't have a life, or time for anything, I want to be at home, closer to my parents, friends and it will allow me to sort my finances out, and for my partner to try find work aswell while back with her parents.
I have looked at local colleges back home, the closest college at around half an hour away doesn't offer the course, the next 2 further out also don't offer the course, so If I am going to continue this route within the electrical field, I need to just stay put, but I just want to be at home and I'm just stuck in the middle of what is best to do.
I am due to move back shortly and rent a spareroom off somebody, which is still a working progress, and with the promotion, it should help financially.
But, I am so tired and burnt out, and fed up of not having any time to do any of the things that I want to do.
I can't fully explain how I feel, but I just can't be bothered anymore, (and I hope that doesn't come across as being suicidal, because its not meant to) I feel lost, and with all the impending doom because of the future we face, what is the point in doing anything?
Can anyone relate, has anyone faced anything similar and can offer any advice, I feel so stuck in a rut right now and I really don't know what to do, or have the energy to do anything anymore.
I'm a bit like you.
Depression runs in my family and its always there. My mum is very bad at the moment.
In me it's generally expressed as apathy and can't be bothered attitude. Which is hard.
I've unfortunately never found any love for work. Never found a job I love and to be honest I don't think I will. Retaining would involve too much time which I don't want to commit to at 35. Plus I feel in last couple of years a few joint problems are creeping in so I don't want to sacrifice the free time I have now.
I think you can go two ways in life. Work hard early on and get rich allowing more time later in life.
Or go for a work life balance all the way through.
I've gone for option B I suppose.
It feels like you're aren't hitting A or B.
Which is a killer. You can't buy time back.
Unless you're earning so much to effectively reduce your retirement age I'd change jobs. 1 day off a week is not great.
I've made a lot of bad decisions in life (almost all of them) but one good one was to move to Wales to a job which is OK pay and short commute. The other good one is no kids.
It gives me lots more time to do the things I do like. Like going to beach etc. Going on my bike.
I need a lot of time as it always takes effort to get motivated to do stuff. And I get more stressed if I don't have free time.
If you're like me and have hobbies you need to make a change to get more time. I would not be in a good place with 1 day a week off
Only time I'm truly happy is being outside. On my kayak, my bike, in the surf.
I moved to Wales for this. Wish I did it years ago!
Really I wish I moved to NZ or somewhere like that.
Depression runs in my family and its always there. My mum is very bad at the moment.
In me it's generally expressed as apathy and can't be bothered attitude. Which is hard.
I've unfortunately never found any love for work. Never found a job I love and to be honest I don't think I will. Retaining would involve too much time which I don't want to commit to at 35. Plus I feel in last couple of years a few joint problems are creeping in so I don't want to sacrifice the free time I have now.
I think you can go two ways in life. Work hard early on and get rich allowing more time later in life.
Or go for a work life balance all the way through.
I've gone for option B I suppose.
It feels like you're aren't hitting A or B.
Which is a killer. You can't buy time back.
Unless you're earning so much to effectively reduce your retirement age I'd change jobs. 1 day off a week is not great.
I've made a lot of bad decisions in life (almost all of them) but one good one was to move to Wales to a job which is OK pay and short commute. The other good one is no kids.
It gives me lots more time to do the things I do like. Like going to beach etc. Going on my bike.
I need a lot of time as it always takes effort to get motivated to do stuff. And I get more stressed if I don't have free time.
If you're like me and have hobbies you need to make a change to get more time. I would not be in a good place with 1 day a week off
Only time I'm truly happy is being outside. On my kayak, my bike, in the surf.
I moved to Wales for this. Wish I did it years ago!
Really I wish I moved to NZ or somewhere like that.
I'm a mess today, blimey. I know I've been feeling low the past few days but damnnnn.
Think I'm actually going to have to take advantage of the employee support thing of up to 8 free counselling sessions. I'll write my story out later, just thought I'd share incase anyone else thought they were going through **** alone.
Think I'm actually going to have to take advantage of the employee support thing of up to 8 free counselling sessions. I'll write my story out later, just thought I'd share incase anyone else thought they were going through **** alone.
Caporegime
Definitely worthwhile taking up that offer imo, nothing to lose and potentially quite a lot to gain!
Soldato
- Joined
- 7 Aug 2004
- Posts
- 10,996
Been reading a few peoples stories on here and it really jumps out how much capitalism is taking away from peoples lives, we all only seem to have time to work, give 'everything' to a job and then lose your life because of it - we really need a societal change and find our humanity again :/
So this is it, spoilered for length. I’m aware I don’t have it bad in the grand scheme of things, it’s all just little things adding up and getting to me.
So, at the start of this year I broke up with my ex, I posted somewhere but essentially she started seeing another person (a woman who was engaged) behind our backs. We had been together 4.5 years and I had moved down here away from everything I knew and we bought a house. It was news to the both of us that apparently both our girlfriends were bi, it was very ****** up.
Prior to the breakup, roughly July 2019, I started getting pain in my side, numerous referrals to A&E I was told it wasn’t my appendix and everything is fine. I kept pushing for more investigations and finally started seeing a general surgeon at the end of 2019. Apparently my appendix isn’t where it normally would be, and it could be this causing the irritation/discomfort I’m feeling. Had scans, anything more sinister was ruled out. Then COVID struck and everything got postponed, I’m still waiting for my next appointment since March. To be fair, it settled down quite a bit until mid August this year when I started feeling really ill one week and the pain slowly started reoccurring, a trip to A&E later on advice of 111, everything is ‘fine’.
After the breakup I lived in the house alone until July whilst she stayed with her new girl, the house process to transfer equity hasn’t yet started but it should happen within the next month or 2. I’m just taking out my portion of the deposit & equity, to a bank I can’t afford the house alone nor am I attached to it.
I found the breakup extremely tough, I lost my appetite, questioned what was wrong with me, lost focus on everything else around me. Over time I healed up, went on the dating apps, had a few dates but no one I matched with really interested me. I feel like maybe I went on them too soon, or they’re just not for me in general. Not getting matches when you’ve already been doubting yourself is a nightmare for self-esteem. I also spent a lot of time blaming myself due to the health issues I was having. We had recently started playing squash until I had to stop because of my side. She then started going with the other girl.
I’m now renting a flat alone, and have been working from home since March with no plans to be back in the office for the rest of this year at the earliest. I realised in August I needed to try and meet some new people, as whilst I was with my ex I never felt the need to have loads of friends. I only know two people locally, there are a couple more but they’re much further afield.
So I ended up going on Reddit shortly before my latest health flare up and to my surprise there was a post a day or 2 old about how someone wants to meet some new people and make friends, I replied briefly of how I broke up with ex and neglected my own friendship circle and would be good to meet some new people. Someone replied to me directly that they had exactly the same situation although it had only just happened within the last week or so. She messaged me and we got chatting.
I met her in the pub and we had a great time chatting. A few days/week later we met again but at mine and just drank and played games/watched tv, until when she was about to leave things got more R-rated hah. It was never my intention to try anything on with her as I knew it’d be wrong because she was so recently single, but it was her move and what she wanted essentially. Over the next few weeks/month we met up quite a lot, it started getting quite relationshippy which she had already laid out she’s not wanting that at the moment. At the start it was good for my self-esteem, the fact that someone I consider far more attractive than myself would want to spend time with me, have sex etc. The past few days since last seeing her it’s been the thoughts of ‘I’m just not good enough’.
On Wednesday I came to the realisation I was falling for her and that I needed to end the fwb situation we found ourselves in, so I decided that next time I see her we’d talk about it. This was the same day I woke up feeling sick and was basically at the end of my tether with how I was physically feeling. I was a mess for a lot of the day but I spoke to her about being sad and I felt better. It kick started me to chase a new appointment with the surgeon.
Yesterday I was okay, day went fine. In the evening I got a text saying that whilst I’ve been a distraction, it’s not doing her any good as she’s not been able to process her breakup as she hasn’t been alone. To be honest, I totally get that and I said I’d leave her be for a while whilst she does what she needs to do. It’s essentially mutual, but it doesn’t make it any easier as I think we were both slowly developing feelings for one another.
So yea, today is a bit ****. Overall I feel extremely lonely, low self-esteem due to my health issue and just generally wondering if I’ll be good enough for someone.
I’ve taken the step towards getting better by using the employee support service we have, I’m awaiting a call back and hopefully I can get some counselling through that. Sorry if none of it makes sense!
Prior to the breakup, roughly July 2019, I started getting pain in my side, numerous referrals to A&E I was told it wasn’t my appendix and everything is fine. I kept pushing for more investigations and finally started seeing a general surgeon at the end of 2019. Apparently my appendix isn’t where it normally would be, and it could be this causing the irritation/discomfort I’m feeling. Had scans, anything more sinister was ruled out. Then COVID struck and everything got postponed, I’m still waiting for my next appointment since March. To be fair, it settled down quite a bit until mid August this year when I started feeling really ill one week and the pain slowly started reoccurring, a trip to A&E later on advice of 111, everything is ‘fine’.
After the breakup I lived in the house alone until July whilst she stayed with her new girl, the house process to transfer equity hasn’t yet started but it should happen within the next month or 2. I’m just taking out my portion of the deposit & equity, to a bank I can’t afford the house alone nor am I attached to it.
I found the breakup extremely tough, I lost my appetite, questioned what was wrong with me, lost focus on everything else around me. Over time I healed up, went on the dating apps, had a few dates but no one I matched with really interested me. I feel like maybe I went on them too soon, or they’re just not for me in general. Not getting matches when you’ve already been doubting yourself is a nightmare for self-esteem. I also spent a lot of time blaming myself due to the health issues I was having. We had recently started playing squash until I had to stop because of my side. She then started going with the other girl.
I’m now renting a flat alone, and have been working from home since March with no plans to be back in the office for the rest of this year at the earliest. I realised in August I needed to try and meet some new people, as whilst I was with my ex I never felt the need to have loads of friends. I only know two people locally, there are a couple more but they’re much further afield.
So I ended up going on Reddit shortly before my latest health flare up and to my surprise there was a post a day or 2 old about how someone wants to meet some new people and make friends, I replied briefly of how I broke up with ex and neglected my own friendship circle and would be good to meet some new people. Someone replied to me directly that they had exactly the same situation although it had only just happened within the last week or so. She messaged me and we got chatting.
I met her in the pub and we had a great time chatting. A few days/week later we met again but at mine and just drank and played games/watched tv, until when she was about to leave things got more R-rated hah. It was never my intention to try anything on with her as I knew it’d be wrong because she was so recently single, but it was her move and what she wanted essentially. Over the next few weeks/month we met up quite a lot, it started getting quite relationshippy which she had already laid out she’s not wanting that at the moment. At the start it was good for my self-esteem, the fact that someone I consider far more attractive than myself would want to spend time with me, have sex etc. The past few days since last seeing her it’s been the thoughts of ‘I’m just not good enough’.
On Wednesday I came to the realisation I was falling for her and that I needed to end the fwb situation we found ourselves in, so I decided that next time I see her we’d talk about it. This was the same day I woke up feeling sick and was basically at the end of my tether with how I was physically feeling. I was a mess for a lot of the day but I spoke to her about being sad and I felt better. It kick started me to chase a new appointment with the surgeon.
Yesterday I was okay, day went fine. In the evening I got a text saying that whilst I’ve been a distraction, it’s not doing her any good as she’s not been able to process her breakup as she hasn’t been alone. To be honest, I totally get that and I said I’d leave her be for a while whilst she does what she needs to do. It’s essentially mutual, but it doesn’t make it any easier as I think we were both slowly developing feelings for one another.
So yea, today is a bit ****. Overall I feel extremely lonely, low self-esteem due to my health issue and just generally wondering if I’ll be good enough for someone.
I’ve taken the step towards getting better by using the employee support service we have, I’m awaiting a call back and hopefully I can get some counselling through that. Sorry if none of it makes sense!
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Unknowingly living with ADHD all your life, really does something to your mental health.
Struggling with things everyone around you seems to find to easy and simple to do, to the point you isolate yourself trying to get **** down whilst putting on a brave face to the outside world.
From education to work life to relationships.
Letting people down
Googling and dwelling why you're struggling to do xyz, why you procrastinate so much and what techniques you can use to overcome it , why you cant focus on anything, why you're so stressed and mentally and physically exhausted etc the list goes on.
Yet could spend all day searching for ******** on the internet and scrolling through social media.
The internet is definitely my escape which is unhealthy and im trying to break away from slowly.
A lot of people from the outside looking in would probably just think I'm lazy.
And I've punished myself for being "Lazy" of course we all are times but when I say I've burnt myself out doing all nighters just to complete things that shouldn't even take that long to do and even then all nighters theres been times where I've had 0 to show for it.
Which became the point where I definitely thought something else was going on and it definitely wasn't just me being lazy.
Everything seemed to fall apart after I left school I could no longer just do the last minute bare minimum and still get good grades and do well.
Quite ****** looking back in hindsight.
So much high hopes and potential I never lived up to.
Guess at least I understand why I went through certain things and definitely feel its played a huge part in my battle with depression - which I've been on anti depressants for as well as having CBT in the past.
Honestly think If I had been diagnosed a lot earlier I would be in a much better position and probably would have enjoyed my teens and early 20's a lot more.
Although I guess because I wasn't the stereotypical hyperactive loud bad behaving child that comes to mind when you think of ADHD it went unnoticed.
Just a little rant I had to get off my chest ignore my wall of text unsure it much of makes sense lol
Struggling with things everyone around you seems to find to easy and simple to do, to the point you isolate yourself trying to get **** down whilst putting on a brave face to the outside world.
From education to work life to relationships.
Letting people down
Googling and dwelling why you're struggling to do xyz, why you procrastinate so much and what techniques you can use to overcome it , why you cant focus on anything, why you're so stressed and mentally and physically exhausted etc the list goes on.
Yet could spend all day searching for ******** on the internet and scrolling through social media.
The internet is definitely my escape which is unhealthy and im trying to break away from slowly.
A lot of people from the outside looking in would probably just think I'm lazy.
And I've punished myself for being "Lazy" of course we all are times but when I say I've burnt myself out doing all nighters just to complete things that shouldn't even take that long to do and even then all nighters theres been times where I've had 0 to show for it.
Which became the point where I definitely thought something else was going on and it definitely wasn't just me being lazy.
Everything seemed to fall apart after I left school I could no longer just do the last minute bare minimum and still get good grades and do well.
Quite ****** looking back in hindsight.
So much high hopes and potential I never lived up to.
Guess at least I understand why I went through certain things and definitely feel its played a huge part in my battle with depression - which I've been on anti depressants for as well as having CBT in the past.
Honestly think If I had been diagnosed a lot earlier I would be in a much better position and probably would have enjoyed my teens and early 20's a lot more.
Although I guess because I wasn't the stereotypical hyperactive loud bad behaving child that comes to mind when you think of ADHD it went unnoticed.
Just a little rant I had to get off my chest ignore my wall of text unsure it much of makes sense lol
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Soldato
Were you diagnosed with ADHD? I've suspected it for a while, and your entire post sounds relatable.
Getting a bit bored of company mental health initiatives, what's the point of training all the managers to be 'mental health first-aiders' when everyone is overworked to the point they call in sick.
Someone on my team is diagnosed with autism, not sure what type, but whenever one person has time off the extra work really stresses him out and we end up a person short because he needs to take time off.
On average my team is doing 200% of the normal workload compared to the start of the year, with other team's work also falling over to us because they are over-loaded too. Everyone in the team is going to end up completely burnt out soon, mistakes are starting to be made constantly and corners constantly cut, but it's fine because the managers are mental first aiders and the company has a number of wellness initiatives that no one has time to take part in because we're all so busy
Work is bleeding into personal time too, with us being expected to do work out of hours without any extra money or time off in lieu, it's an absolute recipe for disaster and I am sure many people are feeling like this right now.
Someone on my team is diagnosed with autism, not sure what type, but whenever one person has time off the extra work really stresses him out and we end up a person short because he needs to take time off.
On average my team is doing 200% of the normal workload compared to the start of the year, with other team's work also falling over to us because they are over-loaded too. Everyone in the team is going to end up completely burnt out soon, mistakes are starting to be made constantly and corners constantly cut, but it's fine because the managers are mental first aiders and the company has a number of wellness initiatives that no one has time to take part in because we're all so busy
Work is bleeding into personal time too, with us being expected to do work out of hours without any extra money or time off in lieu, it's an absolute recipe for disaster and I am sure many people are feeling like this right now.