**The Mental Health Thread**

[Mr_Cool]

Were you diagnosed with ADHD? I've suspected it for a while, and your entire post sounds relatable.

Yeah diagnosed with inattentive ADHD last month.
Although felt "forced" to go Private.

Bit of context

Spoiler

Had been struggling for years and it took its toll whilst at University was literally spending 12 hour days in the library with naff to show for it for example.
Hit a low point finally went to doctor got diagnosed with Depression.

Anti depressants didn't seem to help ended up going cold turkey and stopped taking them after a few months, after trying 3 doses.

I personally suspected I had the inattentive type of ADHD after doing some research it felt like a light bulb moment comparing symptoms and experiences of others online. I had mentioned to my doctor the same year I got diagnosed with depression at one of my follow up appointments but he brushed me off and shot me down lol instead of referring me to actually get tested by a Psychiatrist.

Fast forward a few years to last year, things are still up and down I go back to my doctors and pretty much demand to be referred and get put back on anti depressants in the meantime.

Got NHS referral - Quite a long waiting list appointment was actually supposed to be back in May but COVID decided to show up and my appointment gets cancelled.
Lockdown arrives and **** hits the fan again cant focus unproductive etc and rang the NHS mental health team to ask If theres any ETA on when my appointment is they're saying they don't know but probably not on until the new year at the earliest...

So ended up biting the bullet and paying to go private - expensive but I justified it as If I can spend hundreds on a phone then whats a couple hundred quid on getting a diagnosis that could potentially change my life for the better for years to come.

Currently tring to find the right medication and dosage to help which can take a while for some unfortunately. But even just being diagnosed was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Medication privately is horribly expensive, so I’m unsure how long I can afford to keep buying it as I’m not working atm.

I’m back and forth with my GP for them to agree to prescribe the medication under the GP but they’re being difficult...Because I didn’t sit around and wait to be seen by the NHS who’s waiting list is notoriously long, whilst my mental health and life was deteriorating daily.

Just hope I find the right medication for me in the near future

Apologies I know I can waffle a lot bad habit of mine lmao.

 

[secretspy]

So this is it, spoilered for length. I’m aware I don’t have it bad in the grand scheme of things, it’s all just little things adding up and getting to me.

Spoiler

So, at the start of this year I broke up with my ex, I posted somewhere but essentially she started seeing another person (a woman who was engaged) behind our backs. We had been together 4.5 years and I had moved down here away from everything I knew and we bought a house. It was news to the both of us that apparently both our girlfriends were bi, it was very ****** up.


Prior to the breakup, roughly July 2019, I started getting pain in my side, numerous referrals to A&E I was told it wasn’t my appendix and everything is fine. I kept pushing for more investigations and finally started seeing a general surgeon at the end of 2019. Apparently my appendix isn’t where it normally would be, and it could be this causing the irritation/discomfort I’m feeling. Had scans, anything more sinister was ruled out. Then COVID struck and everything got postponed, I’m still waiting for my next appointment since March. To be fair, it settled down quite a bit until mid August this year when I started feeling really ill one week and the pain slowly started reoccurring, a trip to A&E later on advice of 111, everything is ‘fine’.


After the breakup I lived in the house alone until July whilst she stayed with her new girl, the house process to transfer equity hasn’t yet started but it should happen within the next month or 2. I’m just taking out my portion of the deposit & equity, to a bank I can’t afford the house alone nor am I attached to it.


I found the breakup extremely tough, I lost my appetite, questioned what was wrong with me, lost focus on everything else around me. Over time I healed up, went on the dating apps, had a few dates but no one I matched with really interested me. I feel like maybe I went on them too soon, or they’re just not for me in general. Not getting matches when you’ve already been doubting yourself is a nightmare for self-esteem. I also spent a lot of time blaming myself due to the health issues I was having. We had recently started playing squash until I had to stop because of my side. She then started going with the other girl.


I’m now renting a flat alone, and have been working from home since March with no plans to be back in the office for the rest of this year at the earliest. I realised in August I needed to try and meet some new people, as whilst I was with my ex I never felt the need to have loads of friends. I only know two people locally, there are a couple more but they’re much further afield.


So I ended up going on Reddit shortly before my latest health flare up and to my surprise there was a post a day or 2 old about how someone wants to meet some new people and make friends, I replied briefly of how I broke up with ex and neglected my own friendship circle and would be good to meet some new people. Someone replied to me directly that they had exactly the same situation although it had only just happened within the last week or so. She messaged me and we got chatting.


I met her in the pub and we had a great time chatting. A few days/week later we met again but at mine and just drank and played games/watched tv, until when she was about to leave things got more R-rated hah. It was never my intention to try anything on with her as I knew it’d be wrong because she was so recently single, but it was her move and what she wanted essentially. Over the next few weeks/month we met up quite a lot, it started getting quite relationshippy which she had already laid out she’s not wanting that at the moment. At the start it was good for my self-esteem, the fact that someone I consider far more attractive than myself would want to spend time with me, have sex etc. The past few days since last seeing her it’s been the thoughts of ‘I’m just not good enough’.


On Wednesday I came to the realisation I was falling for her and that I needed to end the fwb situation we found ourselves in, so I decided that next time I see her we’d talk about it. This was the same day I woke up feeling sick and was basically at the end of my tether with how I was physically feeling. I was a mess for a lot of the day but I spoke to her about being sad and I felt better. It kick started me to chase a new appointment with the surgeon.


Yesterday I was okay, day went fine. In the evening I got a text saying that whilst I’ve been a distraction, it’s not doing her any good as she’s not been able to process her breakup as she hasn’t been alone. To be honest, I totally get that and I said I’d leave her be for a while whilst she does what she needs to do. It’s essentially mutual, but it doesn’t make it any easier as I think we were both slowly developing feelings for one another.


So yea, today is a bit ****. Overall I feel extremely lonely, low self-esteem due to my health issue and just generally wondering if I’ll be good enough for someone.


I’ve taken the step towards getting better by using the employee support service we have, I’m awaiting a call back and hopefully I can get some counselling through that. Sorry if none of it makes sense!

Sounds like you've had a fair bit going on splitting with your ex (and the way it all came about) is a fairly big thing.

Sounds like you and this new girl made the right decision to take a step back. As cliche as it sounds you need to focus on yourself right now and sorting what is causing this pain/discomfort
Health issues will eventually have a mental/emotional impact on you and mental health is so important, especially with everything happening in the world right now.

I can relate a little as I've been trying to pinpoint and fix some little health problems since I was 17. Nothing major that caused me to need A and E but it does pull me down at times.

It's good that you're putting the steps in place to get some counselling and chasing your surgeon. Fingers crossed you have some progress soon

Hang in there

 

[montymint]

Yeah diagnosed with inattentive ADHD last month.
Although felt "forced" to go Private.

Bit of context

Spoiler

Had been struggling for years and it took its toll whilst at University was literally spending 12 hour days in the library with naff to show for it for example.
Hit a low point finally went to doctor got diagnosed with Depression.

Anti depressants didn't seem to help ended up going cold turkey and stopped taking them after a few months, after trying 3 doses.

I personally suspected I had the inattentive type of ADHD after doing some research it felt like a light bulb moment comparing symptoms and experiences of others online. I had mentioned to my doctor the same year I got diagnosed with depression at one of my follow up appointments but he brushed me off and shot me down lol instead of referring me to actually get tested by a Psychiatrist.

Fast forward a few years to last year, things are still up and down I go back to my doctors and pretty much demand to be referred and get put back on anti depressants in the meantime.

Got NHS referral - Quite a long waiting list appointment was actually supposed to be back in May but COVID decided to show up and my appointment gets cancelled.
Lockdown arrives and **** hits the fan again cant focus unproductive etc and rang the NHS mental health team to ask If theres any ETA on when my appointment is they're saying they don't know but probably not on until the new year at the earliest...

So ended up biting the bullet and paying to go private - expensive but I justified it as If I can spend hundreds on a phone then whats a couple hundred quid on getting a diagnosis that could potentially change my life for the better for years to come.

Currently tring to find the right medication and dosage to help which can take a while for some unfortunately. But even just being diagnosed was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Medication privately is horribly expensive, so I’m unsure how long I can afford to keep buying it as I’m not working atm.

I’m back and forth with my GP for them to agree to prescribe the medication under the GP but they’re being difficult...Because I didn’t sit around and wait to be seen by the NHS who’s waiting list is notoriously long, whilst my mental health and life was deteriorating daily.

Just hope I find the right medication for me in the near future

Apologies I know I can waffle a lot bad habit of mine lmao.

I should really get tested - I find it really difficult to stay focused on tasks unless I really like it (then I can over endugle - until it gets even slightly boring). I'm just scared of being brushed off with everything that's kicking off with COVID

 

[regulus]

Funny story, not funny story.

We have a new Senior Project Director at work. I hear a real psychopath that's been appointed to be the firm's Rottweiler of sort. So he's been going through our weaker employees like fire let loose on dry grass. He has about three PGs going against him now. I've yet to meet him as he's in another division but I suspect we will soon. Anyway, our 'Senior Executive Manager of Senior Operations and Senior of Senior General Management and Senior Executive Director at Life' (not real title but within spitting distance of real title - we do love our credentials in this circus) sends out this 'gee up the troops' company wide email every Monday. In this he frequently pays lip service to mental health and work life balance, the usual spill from directors of this particularly strain. One of our PMs must've had enough as he hit 'Reply All' and proceeded to surgically de-limb the new PD and our King of Kings for making the right blurbs to the troops but in reality turns a blind eye to bullying and aggressive behavior, and he gives names, dates, examples, reporting dates, mentions that he has recordings and these have been forwarded to HR. Screenshots of email sent dates and times to said HR. The man is a genius. He writes like Shakespeare. I felt terrible for the people he named. Genuine sorrow. Read by about 900+ company staff.

I hear the PD disappears by Tuesday morning as if quietly murdered in a basement somewhere and his body dumped in a river at midnight. HR nannies start zooming around the country to all our regional outposts, conference rooms gets booked up country-wide and EAP flyers gets dropped by the plane load.

Unfortunately I've been off work on A.L since Wednesday so very much looking forward to see the carnage on Monday.

I admit the above was written in a humorous tone whilst the content is anything but. I'm a bit over Mental Health initiatives at work being a flyer on a whiteboard somewhere that nobody in the Senior of Senior of Senior 'Management' actually cares about.

 

[Sui]

Sounds like you've had a fair bit going on splitting with your ex (and the way it all came about) is a fairly big thing.

Sounds like you and this new girl made the right decision to take a step back. As cliche as it sounds you need to focus on yourself right now and sorting what is causing this pain/discomfort
Health issues will eventually have a mental/emotional impact on you and mental health is so important, especially with everything happening in the world right now.

I can relate a little as I've been trying to pinpoint and fix some little health problems since I was 17. Nothing major that caused me to need A and E but it does pull me down at times.

It's good that you're putting the steps in place to get some counselling and chasing your surgeon. Fingers crossed you have some progress soon

Hang in there

Thanks

Yea, I think if it was just one thing getting to me at a time I’d be fine, but as there’s like 3 different things that I’ve been able to define it’s taking up all the energy to try and deal with them!

I find it incredible how attached I got to this girl in just a month, I knew going into it that it was only ever likely to be a temporary thing but apparently that didn’t stick in my brain hah. I wish I was this alpha male that doesn’t feel sometimes.

I spoke to someone on the employee support, I can call whenever I need someone to talk to 24/7 but if I want structured sessions I’m limited to 6. So I’ve booked privately with an assessment on 7th October, bit further away then I’d have liked but will see how I’m doing by the time I get there.

I’m also going to mention the emotional toll that my health issue is having on me when I talk to them, incase that helps them prioritise it.

 

[LuckyBenski]

Had a ****** week at work. Last Friday I finished work by messaging a manager a GIF of a clown show as how I feel about the team. I was on leave Monday but a situation pulled me in at 3pm. Had a horrible cold by Tuesday morning but the drama meant I had to stay involved at least for calls, meetings etc. Made it to Friday having had no real sick leave so basically dragging myself to my desk just to put out (small) fires all week.

Realised at 4pm Friday I was in the exact same state as last week - fed up with my team, with the processes that are happening, and being tempted to take some mental health days.

Woke up today in an equally ****** mood so didn't even care to get out of bed. Quite quickly ****ed off my girlfriend with said mood and now we've not spoken all day. Just sitting in separate rooms quietly all day.

This is **** but also I need to be left alone until my head is not a mess. Feel like losing my temper constantly. Losing my temper or just shutting my brain off permanently.

 

[McBain]

I can relate, I often feel so unbelievably on edge that just someone in my presence swallowing coffee has me biting my tongue. Horrible feeling and I always dread that I might snap and fall out with someone over nothing.

 

[Nitefly]

Getting a bit bored of company mental health initiatives, what's the point of training all the managers to be 'mental health first-aiders' when everyone is overworked to the point they call in sick.

Someone on my team is diagnosed with autism, not sure what type, but whenever one person has time off the extra work really stresses him out and we end up a person short because he needs to take time off.

On average my team is doing 200% of the normal workload compared to the start of the year, with other team's work also falling over to us because they are over-loaded too. Everyone in the team is going to end up completely burnt out soon, mistakes are starting to be made constantly and corners constantly cut, but it's fine because the managers are mental first aiders and the company has a number of wellness initiatives that no one has time to take part in because we're all so busy

Work is bleeding into personal time too, with us being expected to do work out of hours without any extra money or time off in lieu, it's an absolute recipe for disaster and I am sure many people are feeling like this right now.

Your post above sounds so similar to my situation that I wondered whether we actually work in the same place!!

The firm I work is constantly championing itself for mental health stuff and it’s really peeing everyone off because we are all stressed out of our minds and nobody has a chance to participate in any of it.

 

[Rids]

Getting a bit bored of company mental health initiatives, what's the point of training all the managers to be 'mental health first-aiders' when everyone is overworked to the point they call in sick.

Someone on my team is diagnosed with autism, not sure what type, but whenever one person has time off the extra work really stresses him out and we end up a person short because he needs to take time off.

On average my team is doing 200% of the normal workload compared to the start of the year, with other team's work also falling over to us because they are over-loaded too. Everyone in the team is going to end up completely burnt out soon, mistakes are starting to be made constantly and corners constantly cut, but it's fine because the managers are mental first aiders and the company has a number of wellness initiatives that no one has time to take part in because we're all so busy

Work is bleeding into personal time too, with us being expected to do work out of hours without any extra money or time off in lieu, it's an absolute recipe for disaster and I am sure many people are feeling like this right now.

As Nitefly has said, I read this and my first thought was 'Do we work at the same place?'

I've been working 60 hours a week minimum pretty much all year, I've been rewarded for it and more rewards are on the horizon, but the Mrs is already kicking off over it. I've got an approval in for a restructure and some additional resource, hopefully I can get that signed off as I've been pretty close to breaking point a few times in the last 3 months.

Had a ****** week at work. Last Friday I finished work by messaging a manager a GIF of a clown show as how I feel about the team. I was on leave Monday but a situation pulled me in at 3pm. Had a horrible cold by Tuesday morning but the drama meant I had to stay involved at least for calls, meetings etc. Made it to Friday having had no real sick leave so basically dragging myself to my desk just to put out (small) fires all week.

Realised at 4pm Friday I was in the exact same state as last week - fed up with my team, with the processes that are happening, and being tempted to take some mental health days.

Woke up today in an equally ****** mood so didn't even care to get out of bed. Quite quickly ****ed off my girlfriend with said mood and now we've not spoken all day. Just sitting in separate rooms quietly all day.

This is **** but also I need to be left alone until my head is not a mess. Feel like losing my temper constantly. Losing my temper or just shutting my brain off permanently.

Been there too, work gets on top of me and I retreat into myself. Mrs sees that I'm down and tries to cheer me up, which is a lovely thought and I love the fact that she cares, but its also the worst thing she can do in that sort of situation. Its taken a long time to get her to understand that when I'm truly stressed the best thing she can do for me is to give me some space, let me have my 'woe is me' time and in a few hours I'll probably snap out of it. If she tries to cheer me up and it fails or makes things worse, I end up feeling guilty for not appreciating her efforts and that just compounds the problem.

We all deal with stress in different ways, and its important that you work together with the other half to understand how best to help each-other through, even if the best way to help you through is just to give you a few hours space.

 

[Katie17]

I can relate, I often feel so unbelievably on edge that just someone in my presence swallowing coffee has me biting my tongue. Horrible feeling and I always dread that I might snap and fall out with someone over nothing.

This is not uncommon in everyday life. You may just need to change your environment, go on vacation for a few days, eliminate all annoying factors and do what you love. have fun

 

[AndyT]

Funny story, not funny story.

We have a new Senior Project Director at work. I hear a real psychopath that's been appointed to be the firm's Rottweiler of sort. So he's been going through our weaker employees like fire let loose on dry grass. He has about three PGs going against him now. I've yet to meet him as he's in another division but I suspect we will soon. Anyway, our 'Senior Executive Manager of Senior Operations and Senior of Senior General Management and Senior Executive Director at Life' (not real title but within spitting distance of real title - we do love our credentials in this circus) sends out this 'gee up the troops' company wide email every Monday. In this he frequently pays lip service to mental health and work life balance, the usual spill from directors of this particularly strain. One of our PMs must've had enough as he hit 'Reply All' and proceeded to surgically de-limb the new PD and our King of Kings for making the right blurbs to the troops but in reality turns a blind eye to bullying and aggressive behavior, and he gives names, dates, examples, reporting dates, mentions that he has recordings and these have been forwarded to HR. Screenshots of email sent dates and times to said HR. The man is a genius. He writes like Shakespeare. I felt terrible for the people he named. Genuine sorrow. Read by about 900+ company staff.

I hear the PD disappears by Tuesday morning as if quietly murdered in a basement somewhere and his body dumped in a river at midnight. HR nannies start zooming around the country to all our regional outposts, conference rooms gets booked up country-wide and EAP flyers gets dropped by the plane load.

Unfortunately I've been off work on A.L since Wednesday so very much looking forward to see the carnage on Monday.

I admit the above was written in a humorous tone whilst the content is anything but. I'm a bit over Mental Health initiatives at work being a flyer on a whiteboard somewhere that nobody in the Senior of Senior of Senior 'Management' actually cares about.

Keep us posted, it's interesting to hear that someone had the balls to call out the lip service that companies give to mental health schemes and a little light relief for the thread.

My previous employer was all over this. Lots of initiatives and leaflets and emails, but no real substance. The people in my office who got trained up as mental health first-aiders just ended up being the nosey ones that wanted to know other's deep personal business.

 

[secretspy]

Keep us posted, it's interesting to hear that someone had the balls to call out the lip service that companies give to mental health schemes and a little light relief for the thread.

My previous employer was all over this. Lots of initiatives and leaflets and emails, but no real substance. The people in my office who got trained up as mental health first-aiders just ended up being the nosey ones that wanted to know other's deep personal business.

I think this seems to be the case with a lot of companies sadly. I know a few of our managers did a training course on supporting mental health etc a while ago but I've not really seen it in practice yet. It's easy to ask someone "how are you" but I suspect most reply "I'm ok/fine etc" though deep down they're not.

They were a bit more conscious of it when lockdown first happened but it seems to have been forgotten about again.
Credit to my boss though he is usually good at checking in with us occasionally

When I was signed off at Xmas time apparently one of the managers was trying to be nosey about what was "wrong" but my colleague was under instructions from me to just say it's private to anyone asking. HR were made aware who in turn told my boss. They're the only people who needed to know

I actually had a meeting (about general work stuff) with the manager sometime after I returned, where she then tried to ask me why I'd been signed off. Naughty really

 

[robineyre]

If anyone struggles with an anxiety disorder. Take a look at a book called Dare, by Barry McDonagh.

Only book that has ever given me an a-ha moment. Was really a game changer for me.

Works for all types of anxiety, panic, intrusive thoughts, social anxiety. Even OCD is just a manifestation of anxiety (usually after long term anxiety with no treatment)

would really like to hear if it’s helped anyone as much as me

 

[moon man]

I have a thing that I massively over worry about relitivly small things eg. Cars mot but when that problem is over another worry will filll the void. Maybe it's a way of avoiding the big issues of mortality ect, don't know but feel I need a mind remap of some sort to focus on positivity, it's not like I don't have a good life, just my mind is broken a little

 

[^TANK^]

I'm not sure where to turn to as I hate talking to my friends and family because I hate being a burden to them. I keep getting overwhelmed with urges to checkout and its driving me insane to the point where I feel like I'm drowning. I don't feel safe on my own or around other people.

 

[LuckyBenski]

I'm not sure where to turn to as I hate talking to my friends and family because I hate being a burden to them. I keep getting overwhelmed with urges to checkout and its driving me insane to the point where I feel like I'm drowning. I don't feel safe on my own or around other people.

Are you able to talk to a doctor about it? It's important to feel safe but I think not healthy to bottle these feelings up either. You're safe to talk here

 

[^TANK^]

Are you able to talk to a doctor about it? It's important to feel safe but I think not healthy to bottle these feelings up either. You're safe to talk here

Doctors just read a script and try and persuade me to try medication which doesn't work, I've tried it all.

 

[^TANK^]

I feel so numb, empty, aimless and guilty all of the time.

 

[Unicorn]

Getting a bit bored of company mental health initiatives, what's the point of training all the managers to be 'mental health first-aiders' when everyone is overworked to the point they call in sick.

Someone on my team is diagnosed with autism, not sure what type, but whenever one person has time off the extra work really stresses him out and we end up a person short because he needs to take time off.

On average my team is doing 200% of the normal workload compared to the start of the year, with other team's work also falling over to us because they are over-loaded too. Everyone in the team is going to end up completely burnt out soon, mistakes are starting to be made constantly and corners constantly cut, but it's fine because the managers are mental first aiders and the company has a number of wellness initiatives that no one has time to take part in because we're all so busy

Work is bleeding into personal time too, with us being expected to do work out of hours without any extra money or time off in lieu, it's an absolute recipe for disaster and I am sure many people are feeling like this right now.

Sounds a tad like our place with the manmagers being 'mental health first-aiders' but they are the same ones who ignore the very training for targets. Sadly your only a number at a job never forget this fact, If you left you would be replaced and nobody would remember you in weeks. Take care of yourself and those closest to you without your health your nothing

 

[Unicorn]

I feel so numb, empty, aimless and guilty all of the time.

I got to what i hope is the "end" of my mental health treatment and what finally did it for me was a combination of Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy and Cognitive behavioural therapy and medication.
Im no longer on medications as i feel worse on them. Whilst i still suffer awfully with Seasonal depression owing to darker nights etc, but the things which was pushing me towards suicide have long gone

I know its hard work to reach out for help and the doctors who read the script do not help one bit i agree 100%. Ask for crisis team if you don't feel safe and are at risk from yourself and seek out a therapist. I paid close to £500 for all my sessions but money is a drop in the ocean for how i feel for it now. If money is an issue then ask for help, Even something as little as venting on here maybe beneficial to you and relieve a little. Medication doesnt solve depression or anxiety sadly it only keeps it at bay until its dealt with. Its safe to talk here its not a bad thing to talk and ask for help.

Don't sit and feel unsafe with yourself its not nice, Your never a burden to anyone no matter what.