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This Instant And Moment - 2019!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Acme, 24 May 2019.

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  1. LuckyBenski

    Soldato

    Joined: 28 Dec 2017

    Posts: 5,226

    Location: London

    :( Mate.

    I was super stressed and generally a mess last week, ended up sleeping past 12 hours and just hoping I could not bother waking up.
     
  2. Acme

    Caporegime

    Joined: 29 Jul 2011

    Posts: 35,351

    Location: Sussex

    <3
     
  3. smit101

    Mobster

    Joined: 11 Jan 2004

    Posts: 4,305

    Location: In The Wilds.

  4. Captain

    Capodecina

    Joined: 1 Dec 2011

    Posts: 19,438

    Location:

  5. secretspy

    Soldato

    Joined: 3 Oct 2005

    Posts: 6,235

    Location: England

    Woken up with vertigo again, cue the U2 song being stuck in my head again :o Worst timing as I need some food shopping lol
     
  6. RxR

    Mobster

    Joined: 16 Aug 2019

    Posts: 2,751

    A Thunderstorm with hail predicted is now banging loud outside. Garage-race go
     
  7. Nitefly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 24 Sep 2005

    Posts: 33,930

    Sounds rough. Please do make an appointment to see your doctor and open up to someone in real life about this. Just a conversation can help!

    I’ll never be able to know for sure, but I speculate that most people think about suicide from time to time in the context of “what would the aftermath be”. But, apparently, you are in the danger zone if you start contemplating in detail how it would be carried out (which is something most people don’t think about) so if that is the case, and hopefully it is not, then make sure you speak to someone immediately.

    I had a paddy at work yesterday because of stress and it turns out that people were then willing to help and listen. So I’m glad I spoke up.
     
  8. Acme

    Caporegime

    Joined: 29 Jul 2011

    Posts: 35,351

    Location: Sussex

    I speak to my friends about it, and I have a therapist, and I've seen my doctor etc. Lots of people are aware of what thoughts go through my mind and what I'm going through fortunately.

    If I did it (which I hope I don't, but my head works differently when im in a really low place) it wouldn't be anything exciting. I'd just take an overdose of prescription pills and then put my head down to sleep. At two points in my life I have got as far as laying all of the pills out in front of me and staring at them in silence with tears streaming down my face.

    The other night wasn't one of those times. But I was thinking about if the light fitting mount on the ceiling would support my weight, and imagining what it would feel like to hang. And I asphyxiated myself a couple of times until I went light headed...

    Then I snapped out of it and messaged a bunch of people just so I could talk about anything and nothing to take my mind away from those thoughts, which worked.

    Pretty dark stuff, sorry guys.
     
    Last edited: 17 Oct 2019
  9. clubb699

    Hitman

    Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    Posts: 667

    Location: Near Brummie land

    Don't be sorry I was one stage behind you 2 weeks ago, mine was drink fueled so I am not having anymore.

    Anyway keep writing it down on here it really does work talking between us lot.

    Glad you have come back that is all that matters
     
  10. Nitefly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 24 Sep 2005

    Posts: 33,930

    @Acme Don’t be sorry about it! But do address it (as you already seem to be doing).

    I’m not the best person nor properly qualified to speak to about it, but I can say I have had a rather bleak year myself and seemed to get caught up in a cycle of destructive behaviour (or rather, my enjoyment of life was being strangled by my self-awareness that I was inherently unhappy). What has ended that for me is making decisions that will break that cycle. Or rather, just making significant decisions about where I am heading in my life, acknowledging that I am not in control of everything, and having a little faith in myself. Doesn’t sound like much but... it got me through. Really, I’ve just changed my state of mind and have stopped doubting everything and bitterly and negatively comparing my life to this alternatively reality of “Nitefly is happy and everything is perfect lalalala”. All of a sudden, I’m present, receptive to things and generally very happy. So things can get better. It’s often hard and it will continue to be hard, but you have to make room in your head for the good times too.

    Best wishes :)
     
  11. vanpeebles

    Sgarrista

    Joined: 22 Aug 2004

    Posts: 7,603

    Best thing is to have some proper hobbies and fully commit to them, the devil makes work for idle hands.
     
  12. Bouton Aide

    Caporegime

    Joined: 9 Aug 2008

    Posts: 28,617

    If you ever feel like that just message me. You need to turn those thoughts into good ones. I do understand how hard it is I know but I’m one click away so remember that.
     
  13. RxR

    Mobster

    Joined: 16 Aug 2019

    Posts: 2,751

    Acme, would you consider asking your doctor for different meds, or your therapist to try a different approach?
     
  14. secretspy

    Soldato

    Joined: 3 Oct 2005

    Posts: 6,235

    Location: England

    @Acme :( I'm sorry to hear that but glad you're seeing a doctor and therapist.

    I've had dark times in the past and talking did really help me but i still get those dark days where I can get really down. They're just not so frequent now thankfully and I tell myself I'm allowed to have that one day but tomorrow I buck myself up again.

    One thing my therapist really helped me with was allowing myself to have all these different emotions and not to chastise myself for them.
    (This partly stems from years of different people telling me to "cheer up" etc which actually made me worse.)
    You have a right to be sad. You have a right to be angry etc.

    I had an ex who on my dark days would just say cheer up, or tell me I was being silly when all I needed was for him to just say it's ok and give me a hug etc.

    Like others have said we are all here for you to talk/vent to. You're not alone x
     
  15. Captain

    Capodecina

    Joined: 1 Dec 2011

    Posts: 19,438

    Location:

    That’s not good, thought you didn’t like sleep?
     
  16. Nitefly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 24 Sep 2005

    Posts: 33,930

  17. Bouton Aide

    Caporegime

    Joined: 9 Aug 2008

    Posts: 28,617

  18. secretspy

    Soldato

    Joined: 3 Oct 2005

    Posts: 6,235

    Location: England

  19. RxR

    Mobster

    Joined: 16 Aug 2019

    Posts: 2,751

    Doing reasonably well (at some cost) to restrain a Newtonian temper provoked by an environment this morning. In the main, due to the prevalence of failure to apply einsteinian proof functions among scientific peers who should know better. "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing," etc. And they have the temerity to imagine themselves Pythagoreans! Good lord.
     
  20. [FnG]magnolia

    Pancake

    Joined: 29 Aug 2007

    Posts: 27,074

    Location: Auckland

    I'm waiting for you to break cover.

    eyes_on_you.jpg
     
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