Thursday joke....it's possibly a goodun!

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking through the desert, lost. They haven't drank for two days and haven't eaten for five.

As they crest a dune, they spy a building about half a mile away. Summoning all of their energy, they crawl to the building; a sign hanging outside denotes it as a pub.

They come in through the door and the place is completely empty other than the barmaid; an elderly lady with a welcoming smile.

They tell the barmaid their story and she gives them water to rehydrate themselves.

Eventually, the Englishman pipes up: "Er...I don't suppose we could have a bite to eat? We haven't eaten in five days..."

The barmaid says "I can't be giving away food now but...I'll tell you what...I have never had an orgasm; take me upstairs now and if you succeed, I'll cook you all dinner.

Thinking he's onto a winner, the Englishman whisks her upstairs and, just before getting down to business, he notices a large scab covering the barmaids you-know-what.

Disgusted, he runs down the stairs and outside to get some fresh air.

The Scotsman decides to go upstairs to investigate...But shortly comes running downstairs and joins the Englishman.

This intrigues the Irishman who saunters upstairs, pulls the scab off and flings it out the window. After sating the barmaid, he strolls downstairs, out the door and says "Right, lads - what are ye wantin for dinner?"

The Englishman and the Scotsman reply in unison:



















































"Don't worry about us - someone just threw us a pizza!"

*n

PS: That is the first time I've told that joke in about 15 years :/
 
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penski said:
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking through the desert, lost. They haven't drank for two days and haven't eaten for five.

As they crest a dune, they spy a building about half a mile away. Summoning all of their energy, they crawl to the building; a sign hanging outside denotes it as a pub.

They come in through the door and the place is completely empty other than the barmaid; an elderly lady with a welcoming smile.

They tell the barmaid their story and she gives them water to rehydrate themselves.

Eventually, the Englishman pipes up: "Er...I don't suppose we could have a bite to eat? We haven't eaten in five days..."

The barmaid says "I can't be giving away food now but...I'll tell you what...I have never had an orgasm; take me upstairs now and if you succeed, I'll cook you all dinner.

Thinking he's onto a winner, the Englishman whisks her upstairs and, just before getting down to business, he notices a large scab covering the barmaids you-know-what.

Disgusted, he runs down the stairs and outside to get some fresh air.

The Scotsman decides to go upstairs to investigate...But shortly comes running downstairs and joins the Englishman.

This intrigues the Irishman who saunters upstairs, pulls the scab off and flings it out the window. After sating the barmaid, he strolls downstairs, out the door and says "Right, lads - what are ye wantin for dinner?"

The Englishman and the Scotsman reply in unison:



















































"Don't worry about us - someone just threw us a pizza!"

*n

PS: That is the first time I've told that joke in about 15 years :/

I haven't heard that one sincei was about 13, darn funny even now :)
 
Soldato
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First one was alright.

Grrrrr said:

hahah love this one! :D

monkeypants said:
Time to get added to $loth's ignore list :p

Those are some seriously bad jokes :p

Behemoth said:
A man goes into a pub and see's a hot girl goes over to her and says to her "My name is Bond" to which she replies "Oh your James Bond" he replies "No, I'm Uni Bond, I've come to fill your crack"

PMSL! That's the greatest joke of all time!
 
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Soldato
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Kent
It is just before the England v Brazil match. Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're LANGUAGE! and we can't be
bothered."

Ronaldinho looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself you lads go down the pub."
So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.
After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on.
A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)". He is beating England
all by himself! A few pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers, "It must be full time now,
let's see how he got on."
They put the teletext on. "Result from the Stadium 'Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - England 1 (Lampard 89 minutes)."

They can't believe it; he has single-handedly got a draw against England!!
They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sitting with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."
"Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"
"No, no, I have, I've let you down.................

I got sent off after 12 minutes."
 
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