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Under what circumstances should your son/daughter start contributing?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Things change I've changed, 1 Aug 2016.

  1. RaohNS


    Joined: 23 Apr 2004

    Posts: 8,411

    Location: In the Gym

    Here here!

    However trying to get my eldest step daughter to do breakfast dishes results in an argument because she is just bone idle in that regard. Spends longer arguing and getting into trouble than if she would have just done the 3 bowls, 3 spoons a plate and a knife.

    Needless to say she wont be complying with the offer I'll be making lol
  2. james.miller


    Joined: 17 Aug 2003

    Posts: 19,406

    Location: Woburn Sand Dunes

    in terms of contributing to the cost, dunno. When they get a proper job i guess (ie i wouldn't charge my son keep if/when he gets a paper round for example). No way i'd support teenagers earning their own crust. by that point i would have already done so for the best part of two decades.

    in terms of helping around the house, our 5 year already gets involved with cleaning, sets the dinner table (badly, but sets it :p ), helps with loading/unloading the dishwasher etc. Start em young, get them used to contributing :)
  3. mattyg


    Joined: 17 Jun 2007

    Posts: 8,114

    Back in the day:

    My mum wanted £10 per week.......Stuff that...Moved out, got a bedsit spent ALL my £70 per week wages on rent, food and travel to work. And had to do my own washing.

    Yeah that showed her...........

    Gladly gave her twice as much when I moved back in 12 months later.
  4. Kelt


    Joined: 14 Nov 2007

    Posts: 11,835

    Location: With the færies wearing black cherries for rings


    And helping out was a given from an early age.
  5. MookJong


    Joined: 20 Mar 2006

    Posts: 8,017

    Once you are out of education and in full time work you should contribute but most importantly start saving for the future.

    I was an only child and never did anything around the house until I was well into my late teens and usually it was only if my parents were on holiday. My parents came from similar backgrounds, but were always careful with money, mum is a great cook and kept the house immaculate. When I moved out it just seemed second nature to follow suit and not let standards slip. I'm by far the most domesticated of all my mates, love cooking and pretty handy DIY wise. The idea that you will turn into a spoilt brat I just don't believe if you have been taught well and surrounded by people setting strong example.

    Children don't ask to be born...
  6. FluffySheep


    Joined: 24 May 2006

    Posts: 662

    Location: North Wales

    One thing my parents said that hasn't come up is people saying 'when you have a proper job'.

    As I said above, I paid 20% of my bring home pay, but I knew hat if I sat on the dole it jumped to 40%, so an incentive to work

  7. Skeeter


    Joined: 8 Mar 2007

    Posts: 37,148

    Location: Surrey

    As soon as we dropped out of full time education. For me and both my sisters that was after we finished/dropped out of Uni and moved back home.

    Had we not gone straight to Uni after 6th Form it would have been then. I.e. at the point we were expected to get a job or go to Uni.

    For a short while I was paying rent without having a job.
  8. Greebo


    Joined: 20 Jan 2005

    Posts: 39,141

    Location: Co Durham

    £25 per week when I started earning which was a bargain for accommodation, washing, meals. That was 27 years ago though ;)

    I have never been as well off as when I was working and living at home I think at the time I was taking home £180 a week so £25 was nothing.
  9. Mr Jack


    Joined: 19 May 2004

    Posts: 22,065

    Location: Nordfriesland, Germany

    I never paid anything to my parents when I lived at home but then I never lived at home when I was working. I did give my mum some money later on when she was a bit hard up and I had a good job.

    I don't think anyone can give hard groundrules on this kind of stuff. Some parents would rather their children saved up money for their own independence than paid into the family coffers, others feel their children should contribute to the upkeep of the home they live in.

    I think both are reasonable viewpoints. Regardless of the money, adults should be responsible enough to deal with some of the chores that need doing and generally help out around the house and children should start taking on chores as part of learning to be an adult.
  10. Scam


    Joined: 20 Oct 2002

    Posts: 14,193

    Location: London

    Before full time work: chores
    In full time work: rent

    Rent doesn't have to be alot but it's important that they learn to pay their way.

    I think after I finished Uni and moved back home with my mum for a while, I was only working part time but I paid £150/month towards bills etc.
  11. Maccy


    Joined: 23 Nov 2004

    Posts: 37,815

    Location: Herts

    Second post???
  12. Glanza


    Joined: 13 Mar 2007

    Posts: 10,724

    Location: South Yorkshire

    I started paying as soon as I was earning a wage. Wasn't masses compared to what some people in this thread pay though.
  13. asteldian

    PayDay Lover

    Joined: 18 Sep 2014

    Posts: 627

    As a teenager it was simply doing chores. Once I had a job post education I was paying rent. Not much and still left me plenty to go out and also still save.
    I spent a lifetime being a freeloader (as all kids are), the least I could do when I worked was pay rent (which in reality was not a fraction of the mortgage or even utility bills) to help out.
    Once you are an adult it is not the parents duty to be your slaves, it is no more reasonable to expect them to keep you at home rent free than it is for them to decide to pay for nothing and have you cover all bills instead.
  14. Pudney


    Joined: 6 Sep 2005

    Posts: 5,763

    Location: Essex

    Pretty much this, except the "full time work" part started only when I was out of education (i.e. finished Uni). My full time summer work in Uni holidays helped pay for me during term time and I paid no rent to my parents during those summers.

    Oh how life is easier without responsibility.
  15. FloppyPoppy


    Joined: 27 Jan 2012

    Posts: 7,562

    Location: The king of the north!

    I currently pay my mum £50 a week for rent and i also pay the internet bill as i am the only major user and i also front 1/5 of the electric bill quarterly.

    Really it's great to still live at home because i don't have absolutely loads to pay and it means i can save up considerably faster than i would be able to if i was renting a place of my own or had a mortgage. I started to pay rent when i was 17 and had my first job and over time have taken on more of the money situation.

    It's good to learn how hard it can be to balance money for kids so they can hopefully get an appreciation for it.
  16. Rroff

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 13 Oct 2006

    Posts: 74,149

    Have to say I'd have resented my parents if they'd tried something like that - being generally fairly responsible with money even from a young age. I can see the temptation though - one of my colleagues at work is doing extra hours and making sacrifices as they are constantly bailing one of their kids out who is blowing their salary and constantly getting into money problems.

    If I had any kids once they are out of education I'd expect around 20% of their take home (depending on salary and costs and how much they contribute in other ways) if they wanted to stay living at home and encourage them to atleast put something into savings.
  17. No1newts


    Joined: 24 May 2009

    Posts: 20,143

    Location: North East

    My parents never took money off me but instead made me pay £400 a month (I was earning decent money) into a savings account for when I left home and got my own place. Was really useful and better than me drinking it up the wall which was what I did with the rest of my salary.
  18. boxman2000


    Joined: 10 Mar 2009

    Posts: 4,475

    Location: South West

    Some 20 years ago I paid £200/month which was about 1/3 of my monthly wage back then. That covered everything (mum did my washing/ironing) and I know I had it easy, particularly compared to many of my friends.

    Personally, I would look to get close to commercial rent from children when they start earning (at least 20% of take-home) as they need to learn to stand on their own two feet. My aim is that without them knowing, save most of that money to help towards wedding/house costs. I'd hope by that stage they will have learnt to be fairly self-sufficient by being able to do their own washing & able to cook as both my wife and I muck in and share the responsibilities equally.

    Mine are not even school age but have started explaining the value of money and if they want a certain toy then they have to save up for it first. I never had any real guidance with money when I was younger and I blew a lot on junk but ultimately I want to instil not only it’s value but a work ethic in my children. Nothing comes easy and we are not entitled to anything without first having worked for it. I refuse to ever be guarantor for any loan other than mortgage if they are young enough to require that – if you can’t afford it, don’t buy it.

    It’s one thing mothering your children but it’s a whole other thing smothering them. If she wants them out of the house then I’d charge full commercial rates and charge extra for everything!
    Last edited: 1 Aug 2016
  19. ExRayTed


    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 7,755

    Location: Surrey

    My sons (20 and 22) both work full time and both pay £20 a week on the understanding that they save a large chunk each month. I ask to see their online bank statements from time to time to check they are doing so. They both know that if they do not save then we will take a much larger financial contribution from them which we will save for them. So far it's going well and both are saving like champs :)

    This is in addition to helping out around the house with chores. We had them doing chores from around 10/11 years old so it hasn't been a shock to either of them. I think the key is to start when they're young to be honest.
  20. Housey

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 21 Feb 2006

    Posts: 26,895

    When I reached 18 my mum and dad separated, on good terms thankfully and my father moved out. I lived at home until I reached 21 at which point I bought my first house. From 18 forward until I left home, I paid housekeeping to my mum as frankly I was eating most the food, creating most the washing and it just helped. Never thought about it, was just the right thing to do.