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What to do while you wife is shopping

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Supercow, 26 Jul 2006.

  1. Supercow


    Joined: 30 Aug 2003

    Posts: 13,988

    Location: Straya

    Definitely fake imo and prolly old, but it did make me giggle :)
    Maybe some ideas for the guys here to entertain yourself while the missus is spending your cash, heck... maybe even deter her from going there again.

    12 March 2005

    Jon Walker
    Store Manager
    Kmart store 4855
    Summit Ridge, Reno, NV, 89503

    Mrs. Fenton
    35 Rasmussen Street
    Moores Park, Reno, NV, 89503

    Dear Mrs. Fenton,

    During the preceding 6 months our security staff has been monitoring your husbands activities while in our store. The
    list below details his offences, all of which have been verified by our surveillance cameras and we have retained copies
    on tape.

    We have repeatedly given your husband verbal warnings while he is in this store and he has subsequently ignored
    them. He replied to these warning with rudeness and the response “while the wife shops here I will come here too”. We
    are therefore forced to ban you, your husband and your family from this store.

    The following list details your husbands activates in this store over the past six months.

    June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
    July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
    July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
    July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares and watched what happened.
    August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-buy.
    September 14: Moved a 'Caution -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
    September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite the in if they'll bring pillows.
    September 23: If any staff offers him assistance he begins to cry and asks, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?”
    October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it a mirror, and picked his nose.
    November 10: While in the gun department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
    December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
    December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna Look" using different size funnels.
    December 18: Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
    December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
    December 23: Went in the fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet
    paper in here!

    John F. Walker
    Store Manager

    Kmart store 4855 Store Phone: (775) 746-4700
    SUMMIT RIDGE, RENO, NV, 89503 Pharmacy Phone: (775) 746-3030

  2. PinkFloyd


    Joined: 21 Sep 2005

    Posts: 14,300

    Location: Bradley Stoke, Bristol

    Some of them are quite good. :D

    Many are just lame....
  3. pinkacidbootson


    Joined: 9 Mar 2006

    Posts: 4,001

    Location: Rhone-Alpes, France

    Lol the last 2 are the best :D
  4. Andelusion


    Joined: 1 Oct 2003

    Posts: 14,339

    Location: Huddersfield

    Fantastic :D
  5. Scott Salisbury

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 26 Jan 2005

    Posts: 1,588

    Location: Newcastle, UK

    lmao! The condom one is pretty good as well.
  6. Zip


    Joined: 26 Jun 2005

    Posts: 20,224

    Location: Australia

    I was going to quote that one :D
  7. 6thElement


    Joined: 17 Oct 2002

    Posts: 9,055

    Location: In my penthouse, Park Ave

    I've done the putting random stuff into peoples trolleys lots of times :D
  8. Supercow


    Joined: 30 Aug 2003

    Posts: 13,988

    Location: Straya

    Friend once put a pack of Tampons in another friends hand when he was in the front of the Q and walked off, the guy proceeded to the checkout without even realising when he put it down to pay. Needless to say he went blood red.
    Was quite funny at the time, with a bunch of us School boys on a Rugby tour, prolly more of a "you had to be there moment" :)
  9. Manlove is my forte


    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 9,637

    Location: Xbox Live

    They are all good if you invisage yourself doing them :D
  10. decmatt


    Joined: 10 May 2004

    Posts: 3,727

    Location: East Yorkshire, UK

    LMAO!!!! Great read
  11. Andr3w


    Joined: 6 Oct 2004

    Posts: 19,735

    Location: England

  12. Mr Joshua


    Joined: 18 Oct 2002

    Posts: 4,111

    The last 3 and the one about the gun department are hilarious :D.
  13. cmsbfent


    Joined: 10 Apr 2003

    Posts: 972

    Location: hither

    Dam it, the rumours are true!! My Ma is Mrs. Fenton

    Time to have a chat with dad me thinks ! ! !
  14. SideWinder


    Joined: 12 Jun 2004

    Posts: 149,490

    Location: NW5

    A classic and funny lines. <3
  15. SexyGreyFox

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 29 Mar 2003

    Posts: 51,821

    Location: Stoke on Trent

    While my wife is shopping I'm usually in the house doing something.
    Men should never ever go shopping with the missus and that is the best advice I can give you young uns.