There are a lot of things in video games we wish were real. Fast travel systems would be nice, the ability to save and retry when we make a mistake, and how about unlocking achievements as we go through life? But as much as we would like to live as a space captain or fantasy adventurer, there are some things we’re glad we can never do or try. These video game drinks can forever remain in the digital realm.
To be clear, beverages with the design and names of some of these drinks have crept into reality. Thankfully, they are the same in name only and do not share the chemical composition of their counterparts in video games that make us thankful we’ll never taste them.
Skooma – The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
A big part of Skyrim’s appeal is in its expansive lore and expertly crafted world. That unfortunately allows the creativity to concoct the dastardly Skooma. A stand-in for every narcotic you could think of, everything about this beverage is more suss than your friends in Among Us. It’s super illegal for one and is trafficked around Skyrim by roaming Khajit caravans. Not only that, it is extremely addictive, with addicts portrayed as broke and downtrodden.
A special Skooma concoction was commissioned by Bethesda and released to celebrate Skyrim’s 10th anniversary. Rather than moon sugar and nightshade, however, it’s actually absinthe. That’s almost as bad in my opinion, which is why that particular bottle shall remain locked away in my house, but still thankfully not the genuine article.
Kyoko’s Coffee – Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth
The enigmatic Kyoko Kuremi is many things. A brilliant and good-hearted detective, a fashion icon with an equally stylish car, and a treasure trove of information she’s happy to ramble on about. A qualified barista she is not, a fact proven time and time again in Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth.
Kyoko delights in making strange and questionable blends of coffee and believes them to all be ground-breaking. Every character who enters her detective agency rushes out again as soon as she offers them a drink. Even Aiba, with their half-cyber body, is not immune to the consequences of drinking one of these concoctions, with someone commenting that they look “pale and ghostly” afterward. We will forever be thankful that caffeine and wasabi shall never be mixed in a cup in this world.
Paul, the Saint’s Flow Mascot – Saint’s Row IV
Saints Flow is real. Sadly, I once made the mistake of tasting it, which has put me off energy drinks for the rest of my life. Still, at least the living version of this foul drink remains confined to a simulation within a simulation within a video game. In Saint’s Row IV, Pierce is trapped in a virtual nightmare where he is constantly attacked by mascots of the fowl drink. Though they all pale in comparison to Paul.
A kaiju among canned beverages, Paul is an engine of pure destruction. He flings furniture and shrugs off rockets like they are nothing. This terrifying behemoth is only brought down when the leader of the Saints is given a mecha of his own to pilot, piercing the tin titan on a statue and spilling his juices for good.
Any of Geralt’s Potions – The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
In the game, the Witcher potions Geralt regularly quaffs are a handy tool we couldn’t do without. From restoring Vitality to nullifying toxins and other handy effects we were very glad for when playing on Death March difficulty, they’re a tremendous tool. But by no means do we ever want them to leave Witcher 3: Wild Hunt and become a reality.
I mean, have you seen Geralt’s face after one too many Golden Orioles? The veins of the witcher’s face become thick and black, his visage sickly, and his eyes dulled. What’s worse is that he is getting off lightly thanks to the mutagens in his system. Where normal folk like us to take a sip, we would be praying for something as merciful as a hangover the next morning. Actually, that Skooma absinthe is looking a lot better right now…
Pißwasser – Grand Theft Auto V
Grand Theft Auto is renowned for its biting and relentless satire of American culture. Even the various locations in the franchise are thinly veiled pastiches of US cities. Every part of the culture in GTA V is a stand in for some part of the real world. In the case of Pißwasser, it’s a parody of America’s famously weak beers.
The name leaves little to the imagination, but Rockstar isn’t content with just a ridiculing title. Its bar pump badge is labelled Ü-Rhine to further hammer the joke home and connect it to its supposed country of origin, Germany. But since it’s labelled “for export only”, it’s clearly not a beer they’re proud of and more than happy to palm off on Americans. Beer this cheap should stay unbrewed.
Nuka-Cola – Fallout
Aside from Vault–Tech’s signature blue and yellow branding, Nuka–Cola is the most recongisable bit of 50’s Americana-inspired branding to spawn from the Fallout games. Is it an icon of gaming? Absolutely it is. Does that mean we want to drink this ultra-sugary concoction for real? A little, maybe. Do we want this over-produced bottled beverage to become real so that it can survive a nuclear holocaust and become the currency of the society that remains? Not on your nelly.
But that said, this isn’t even the worst offender. Like other cola-based drinks, Nuka–Cola comes in a variety of flavours like Cherry, Dark, and Radioactive. Wait, what? Yes, Nuka–Cola Quantum is Oppenheimer’s worst nightmare in refreshing form, an isotope concoction so potent that it genuinely killed taste testers in the past. Deadly video game drinks are nothing new, we’re just worried if this one was real some people would still risk it. No, we know they would.
Something Safer Than These Video Game Drinks
We won’t judge you if you’re thirsty now. Promise. But if you are, we have some options here at Overclockers UK to help quench you. Even better, none of them involve downing any of the fowl concoctions we’ve talked about today.
noblechairs EPIC Gaming Chair Fallout Nuka-Cola Edition (NBL-PU-FNC-001)
Available to order for £399.95
Are you the type of gamer that likes to wander round? Us neither. While we may not fancy tasting Nuka-Cola for real, we can all still enjoy the eye-catching design of the EPIC Gaming Chair Fallout Nuka-Cola Edition from noblechairs. Decked in the colours of everyone’s favourite post-apocalyptic beverage, this gaming chair features comfortable PU leather, dense cold foam padding, and the superior ergonomics of 4D armrests, an 11-degree tilt rocker, and more.
X-Gamer Supplements and Shakers
Gaming, and eSports in particular, demands a lot from gamers both physically and mentally. While we don’t have any Health Potions to hand out, we do have X-Gamer’s supplement range to boost your energy levels. Their low-calorie and easy-to-prepare energy formulas have no added sugars, perfect for adding some pep to your step. Check out all the flavours and shakers we have to offer.
OcUK Official Overclockers UK Elite Gaming Mug (MUG-FTW)
Available to order for £5.99
Designed for maximum “Hot Drink Holding” performance, the Overclockers UK Official Mug is the ultimate desktop peripheral to fight against thirst! Keep it handy as you encounter vile potions, questionable coffees, and other detestable drinks to cleanse your palette with a far more flavourful and refreshing beverage.
- 7 min read
Jacob Smith
Author
Jacob is a passionate gamer, plus a noted Pokemon and LEGO nutjob, who emerges only when doing the words here at Overclockers UK. Since starting at the tail end of 2021, Jacob has gone on to write dozens of blogs on everything from the latest games to whimsical Dickens-inspired poetry. Outside of creating content and being the one person in the office daring to champion Nintendo, he is often found fawning over his Pokemon card collection and his trio of lovely doggos.
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