Date Everything! - Don’t Mind If We Do

You know you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel when your friends start accusing you of dating the kitchen sink… But hear me out! Date Everything! lets you do just that. Ever wanted a Catboy Timepiece Clock? Well, now you can, you degenerate.

When Team 17 reached out with the press release for Date Everything! I thought, “People can’t think I’m this lonely, right?” But it turns out when developer Sassy Chap Games sets out to make everything dateable, they don’t skimp. A hundred fully voiced characters, branching narratives, and the emotional rollercoaster of falling in love with your smoke alarm? Yeah. It’s that kind of game.

Date Everything! Pre-Order Trailer

Love at First Appliance

Date Everything! kicks off the way all great romances do, with a job application form. Your name, your pronouns, your hopes, your dreams. However, this is where I’m sad to say I encountered a truly game-breaking bug. The form clearly says fill out in black ink, yet clearly the email and phone number have been completed in blue and red, respectively. SMH literally unplayable.

From here, things spiral quickly. You’re barely settled into your new remote customer service gig before you’re issuing refunds like candy and calling a colleague, Dinglebert. Iconic behaviour.

Just as the monotony of work-from-home life starts to sink in — bam! You’re fired. By an AI chatbot. Relatable? Painfully. Thankfully, a rogue hacker drones you a pair of magical ‘Dateviators’, and suddenly your fridge wants to hold hands, your door has boundary issues, and the clock is looking a little too cute.

Gameplay? More Like Date-Play

Despite its chaotic premise, Date Everything! actually plays like a surprisingly tight narrative sandbox. You’ll spend your time chatting up your appliances, furniture, and emotional baggage (yes, literally), navigating branching dialogue trees that swing from flirty to feral in a heartbeat. Each dateable character has multiple endings – friend, lover, mortal enemy – and the game wants you to replay, to see how deeply you can mess up or romance a toaster.

The last time me, dating, and a toaster were involved, it did not go well…

Who Said That? Oh, Right, It’s the Lamp.

With over 100 fully voiced characters, Date Everything! might just have the most stacked cast of inanimate objects ever assembled. The performances are ridiculously good. Each character has their own vocal personality, from sultry seduction (hello) to unhinged goblin energy. And then, of course, there’s Dorian 😍 a literal door with the body of a bouncer and the heart of a poet. He only wants to be friends, at least for now (devastating), but the emotional damage? Real.

What really sells the huge array of characters is the commitment. These aren’t phoned-in lines, the cast leans all the way in. With the voice talents of Matt Mercer, Felicia Day, Grey DeLisle, and Neil Newbon, did we really expect any less? Whether it’s a dramatic monologue or a petty squabble, the delivery turns every bizarre moment into oddly sincere magic. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, you might even swoon.

What really sells the huge array of characters is the commitment. These aren’t phoned-in lines, the cast leans all the way in. Whether it’s a dramatic monologue or a petty squabble, the delivery turns every bizarre moment into oddly sincere magic. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, you might even swoon.

TL;DR

Date Everything! is chaotic, heartfelt, and deeply unhinged in the best way. With 100 fully voiced dateable characters, branching narratives, and surprisingly sharp writing, this one is a love letter to the absurd.

Date Everything! Lavish DLC

What was that? Did you say 100 dateable inanimate objects wasn’t enough? Nothing to stress about. With the Date Everything! Lavish DLC, you get the chance to experience realistic romance options such as dating a micro-transaction!

With this DLC, there is simply more of everything to extend your Date Everything adventure. Flirt with the insatiable Michael Transaction or date the deluxe diva Lucinda Lavish. Plus, you’ll get an unlockable red shirt that other datables will comment on, alongside a customisable phone menu with 26 new background covers to add a little…spice?

Date Everything! PC Requirements

Component	Minimum Specs	Recommended Specs
Operating System	Windows 10	Windows 10
Processor	Intel Core i5-2500 or AMD FX-4350	Intel Core i5-6600 or AMD Ryzen 5
Memory	8 GB RAM	8 GB RAM
Graphics	NVIDIA GeForce GTX 660, 2 GB or AMD Radeon R9 270, 2 GB or Intel Arc A310, 4 GB	NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1650, 4 GB or AMD Radeon RX 570, 4 GB or Intel Arc A380, 6 GB
Settings	Low 1080p @ 30 FPS	High 1080p @ 60 FPS

Time For an Upgrade?

While Date Everything’s requirements aren’t super high, if you want to romance the kitchen sink in 4K, then it might be time for a cheeky little upgrade. Overclockers UK is the home of the PC enthusiast and has you covered, whether you prefer a pre-built ready to ship gaming PC, a fully customisable battle station, or you like a bit of DIY.

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